Disastrous start in new job...is there any future?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I started a new job at the beginning of January. At about the same time DP started having serious MH issues...one day I had to leave work an hour early because he was behaving completely irrationally and I was genuinely frightened for him. The next day my new manager called me in to find out if I had any 'issues' she needed to know about. I was very frank about what was happening with DP and that was that.

A week or so later DP had been particularly unpleasant and by the time I got to work I was in tears. My manager called me in and said that my colleague that I share an office with was very emotionally fragile and they couldn't risk her taking on my problems. So they asked me to move to a different office on another site.

I know I've not shown myself in a great light here and that I really need to prove myself, but now I'm in daily fear that I'm going to be told it isn't working out and to leave. If I keep my head down, just get on with work and keep things professional is there a chance this can all be put behind us?

Your manager seems to be considerate of the other colleague's emotional issues which is a good sign that she's aware of wellbeing/MH issues.

I think you need to balance the keeping your head down approach with open communication with your manager, as she's made it clear she wants you to tell her if you are experiencing any issues.

Is your DP getting support for his issues? What support do you have? Sharing this with your manager if possible will show you are taking a constructive approach.

I am sure you are not the only one directly or indirectly suffering from MH issues at the moment, so I am sure it is something you can move on from in your role.

Wishing you the best.

Of course. If they were desperate to get rid of you they would have sacked you by now. I bet they want it to work out as much as you do, if only because recruiting is a pain in the neck. It is expensive and time consuming. Much better to keep the staff you have.

Yes of course, but is it possible?

What’s happening what behaviour is he demonstrating to you op?

If you have regular 1:1s/communication from your manager and she hasn't said she's concerned then I wouldn't worry. If I was concerned that a new employee wouldn't pass their probation then I'd flag it early and give them a clear plan of what they needed to improve, with regular check-ins and feedback.

They haven’t sacked you. They seem to want it to work out. Keep doing your best, try to keep your private life out of the office, difficult as it can be. All the best.

“ DP had been particularly unpleasant ”

What happened? And what version did you tell your manager? The way you’ve written it here... I saw red flags of abuse, to be honest. Are you ok? Has this started when you started your job, or have these issues been going on while you were unemployed too?

@Nekoness

“ DP had been particularly unpleasant ”

What happened? And what version did you tell your manager? The way you’ve written it here... I saw red flags of abuse, to be honest. Are you ok? Has this started when you started your job, or have these issues been going on while you were unemployed too?

Yes that’s what I was worrried about.

Based on what you've said I don't see why it couldn't be put behind you. As long as your partner stops trying to sabotage you.

I too have concerns about coercive control here.

I still feel uneasy. My manager phoned me once briefly to see how I was and the assistant manager was on the site I work in today and didn't see me - she was in the original meeting so knows something has been going on with DP.

It definitely felt more like a warning dressed up as concern...but that might just be me overthinking things and fearing the worst.

Re DP's behaviour - I don't know what's going to happen - he's having some sort of lockdown breakdown. I wouldn't stand for this behaviour if it was normal for him, but it's so out of character I'm willing to give him a chance. But I won't tolerate it indefinitely.

I worked in a small office with a new colleague who bought her problems and moods in. It really got me down. The workload was heavy and she kept going missing, taking personal calls outside every hour and not turning up. In her case she was trying to keep her relationship going with a man 28 years younger than her, who did drugs.
I can only advise that you completely switch off any home life when you arrive and don't. talk about it, or miss days. You are on probation. After that, and when they know you are reliable, you will be given more leeway probably.
You say he is your partner. Does he have a sibling or parent who can take over from you in terms of managing his issues during work hours?

What do you mean lockdown breakdown op? What behaviour is he exhibiting? What’s he doing to you?

Also is he seeking help? Has he spoken to his gp?

Op what is he doing? What are these behaviours?

What help is he getting OP? It's hard to tell from your posts if this is a man you've been married to for 20 years or been with 6 months, whether he has a history of MH problems (so has some support available?) or is just fed up of lockdown and being an arsehole.

You need to figure out how much you need this job. If you actually need it, like most people would, then you need to get through your probation period with minimal issues.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered: you are only 6 weeks in, and if your company is at all decent, it’s most definitely NOT game over.

I think it’s clear that as the pandemic wears on, more and more people who were coping fine the 1st few months are struggling now, and TB very H, I’d find it easier as a manager knowing supporting your partner (vs your own issues) are the distraction

Work hard, be business like (ie don’t talk a lot about personal things),and be transparent if you need to take time away (no covering up absence). Taking 1 hour off to deal with a personal issue isn’t a huge deal! So please try not to let this weigh on you

Ghast I’m so sorry - I’m in a similar boat with my DH, and it’s been very difficult. We were due to have a trial separation because of his mental health and then the new lockdown came. It’s been tough. I would really urge you to try and compartmentalise - throw yourself into work when you’re there. Phone on silent and only look at it in breaks etc.

You can’t be your DH’s saviour. I speak to my own GP and have a counsellor, and DH sees a private psychiatrist. I know that all costs, which can be prohibitive, but you can’t deal with a person’s mental health alone. Do speak to your own GP if you can.