Workplace Bullying

[lovablequalities]

I am a victim of workplace bullying and I am looking for a self-help book or resource or website to help me process what is happening. I need to try and find something that will help me control my anxiety. My brain is running at a million miles an hour going through different scenarios, replaying and analysing my behaviour. I'm very tired of feeling like this and I would like to take some control.

I looked up some books but they are expensive and I'd like some recommendations for any literature that you might have found useful in this situation.

I find think a book will help you. I would report the person and just not take it. If there is a HR department go there, or any senior person. You shouldn't have to learn to deal with it, you need to make it stop.

Bully In Sight by Tim Field

A diary

Write it all down

Report it

Bully In Sight by Tim Field. I also recommend this one. There are also online forums and organizations that can help you.

I was a victim of bullying in my last post. I thought of myself as a strong and powerful woman but that did not make me immune. Bullying can often be very subtle and can be manifest in ways which HR see as "different communication styles". Talking about things like

Constant talking, pestering and interrupting when people are trying to work and concentrate

Blaming for everything that goes wrong

Asking impertinent personal questions inappropriate to a workplace
And so on.

In my case the HR officer did see it as "different communication styles" and the line manager brushed it under the carpet.

Talking about conversations like (from a much younger colleague) "Do you have a pet?" and on being told no "Well dont you think that if you had a pet it would give you someone to look after other than yourself so you would be less selfish?"

This conversation left me speechless because it was so inappropriate to a workplace and our respective social positions. I would never have dreamed of speaking to an older person like that in a workplace.

In my case there were disability aspects, a very strong paper trail and the organization violated their own procedures. It cost them very dear in the long run. It also cost me and the experience was very draining.

Thank you for the suggestions to tackle the bullying with senior management but what I want is something to help me think it all through calmly. I just need some (hopefully short term) coping strategies so that I can deal with my anxiety about this situation.

My problem at the moment is that I am struggling to concentrate.

Apart from The Bully In Sight are there any other websites or blogs or whatever? Google just gives me generic "stand up for yourself " advice.

You might find the website "formal grievance" useful for tips on what to do. You should also join a union (don't listen to any employer who says you can't do that because they don't recognise a union. you can still join one and get their advice and support). A book won't help you. A union will.

The best advice I can give you is to keep a journal and document every incident and how it made you feel. Writing it down will be a release for your tensions and may help you devise some coping strategies that work for you. Also create a paper trail in work in the form of notes, emails and memos. These dont have to comprise complaints but can be in the form of "seeking clarification" of instructions, times and dates etc. Then if you are ever accused of not doing the work accurately you can show that you sought guidance from your manager, team members etc.

Recruiting a friend to help you role play difficult situations can also be very useful. Are there any assertiveness training courses at your local college? Or (at present) online? These can offer you a framework for how to handle a range of difficult situations where you may have to say "no".

I am what would be described as a strong female leader and a senior manager. In no way would I associate myself with the word victim but nevertheless I am still being bullied in a targeted way. In my case the culture permits and encourages it.

Being strong or senior or any other attribute makes no difference to bullies. I think it’s good to do some reading but what I would say is this is all being projected on you. You’re now having to seek help to deal with it - not acceptable.

I see it as 2 options, but both leading to similar outcomes. You make a formal complaint and plan your exit that way or you just leave anyway. Hate to say it but I’ve rarely seen it play out other ways. The longer it goes on for the more impact there will be to your mental health.

Good luck.