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Original poster

How do I resign from my new job without burning bridges + getting a good reference.

20 replies

LauraWinchester · 07/02/2021 20:25

Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of a pickle. I started my new job during the first week of November. I’m 24 so my work experience is limited, I graduated uni at 21, went travelling, worked 8 months in the City before resigning to focus on my surprise DS and other issues. I had a great relationship there and everyone was really understanding.

I really don’t enjoy my job which is working in advertising & regulatory affairs and have been struggling, even having my probation period extended...

Just before Christmas I applied for a different job and was offered the role on Friday! I’m really excited but petrified to quit. I feel my boss already doesn’t like me much because I find the technical side of the role challenging, especially working entirely from home with a young DC.

My offer relies on getting a good reference from my current employer which I’m not sure I have in the bag. They’ve put time and effort into training me, and they have paid for brand new equipment to be sent to my house just last week, which is a big deal as it’s a small company that has been hit hard by the pandemic. It’s also a busy time for the industry in general.

Part of me thinks they may be glad to get rid of me and find someone better suited, yet another thinks they’ll be really peeved due to all the resources they’ve put into me.

I have to resign tomorrow. Any tips about how to do this tactfully and to ensure I get a good reference?

Thank you for reading 😌

OP posts:

MaverickDanger · 07/02/2021 20:28

If you’re in the UK, surely they will only give you a factual reference?

If your probation has been extended, they may also view it as something that didn’t work out, so could be a positive thing overall.

JontyDoggle37 · 07/02/2021 20:30

I would phrase it as ‘the probation period is for both of us to evaluate if the role is right. I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t fully match my strengths and I would rather exit at this point, than continue in a role I won’t bring full value to. I wanted to be honest and open - I really appreciate everything you’ve done to welcome me to the company and support me. “

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 07/02/2021 20:32

@JontyDoggle37

Thank you for your advice. I mentioned during my probation review I felt it was a “two way street” for the both of us so what you’ve written would link well to that.

OP posts:

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 07/02/2021 20:37

@MaverickDanger I am in the U.K. I heard that references can say whatever, so long as they are factual. I am worried they might mention my probation was extended, I was a slow learner or something along those lines. I really struggled picking up on all the legal and regulatory framework for advertising.

Although my line manager is a lawyer so maybe she would be overly cautious about getting sued if she says something negative and my offer is retracted 😅

OP posts:

CatherineCawood · 07/02/2021 20:39

What Jonty said. And they are totally correct the probation period is to check out that it is working for BOTH parties. They extended it so must have doubts on their side. Also at the end of the day its business, nothing personal.

Your current employer must give a factually accurate reference. They can refuse to give one at all or give a factually accurate one. So jobs can't really be on the proviso of a good reference because they can refuse and that might be company policy so nothing you can do about it.

I would get a previous employer to give you a reference and perhaps a personal one too.

You must have discussed your current employment in your interview. If I was interviewing someone who had only been in their job 3 months then I would want to talk about it and if the interviewee explained that it wasn't a good fit for them then I would ask a few questions as to why and move on.

If your current employer is having doubts anyway then they would be daft to try putting the kibosh on you getting a new job.

Good luck hope the new job works out well.

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 07/02/2021 20:43

@CatherineCawood Why I wanted to leave did come up, I praised my current company but just said the role on offer was better suited to my career path and that was it.

Thank you for your kind words 😊

OP posts:

CatherineCawood · 07/02/2021 20:49

Perfect. Sounds like you gave a good honest answer. I wouldn't have a problem employing someone who explained that to me. Also if their reference was slightly off I would think it might be sour grapes on the part of the jilted employer. Don't stress it will probably be OK. These things are never as bathing they will be. you thinkd as you

Crack on tomorrow and ask for a meeting with your line manager then email over your resignation. These things are never as bad as you think they are going to be.

Hope it all works out I'm sure it will

CatherineCawood · 07/02/2021 20:50

Sorry for jibberish in the middle my phone went crazy!!!

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 07/02/2021 20:52

@CatherineCawood Thanks so much for your advice 😊

OP posts:

sneakysnoopysniper · 08/02/2021 22:02

I was unhappy in my first job (civil service) as the work was all mathematical. I am not incompetent at maths but working with figures brings me no pleasure and the work caused me some stress. In all other respects I got on well with my colleagues and line manager. Halfway through my probation I decided to apply in an entirely different area and had to ask my branch manager for a reference. I was honest and open with her about my feelings regarding the nature of the work, and why it was not a good fit for me. I also told her that I enjoyed working there in all other respects, She said that I was very young and appreciated that things "had not worked out" at this early stage in my working life. I got a good reference and was offered the other post.

The explanation offered by JontyDoggle37 is excellent and I would offer a variation of this in your own words. Sometimes jobs just do not work out in the early stages of a career. It is no one's fault.

converseandjeans · 08/02/2021 22:08

I would go for the new job. One thing I did notice though was that you commented on having a young child home. I assume you have childcare for working hours?

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 08/02/2021 23:51

@sneakysnoopysniper Thank you so much for your response. Your position seems very similar to what I’m dealing with now.

My line manager was unwell today, so I had to hold of resigning today but she is back tomorrow.

So reassuring to know other people have gone through the same thing as me and I’m glad it worked out for you. I can only hope my boss is as understanding as yours.

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 08/02/2021 23:55

Company references are usually very factual.

If they want personal references you can choose. Some ask for a personal reference from your current employer- you could say with covid and not being there long that they're not keen... Or something. Others might have better reasons!

If you have hit it off with anyone with a fancy job title in your current job then ask them.

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 08/02/2021 23:55

@converseandjeans Hi, thanks for replying. Yes I do have child care. Me and my parents own a property together. They live in a self contained part of the property and help take care of DD during the day :)

OP posts:

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 08/02/2021 23:56

[quote LauraWinchester]@converseandjeans Hi, thanks for replying. Yes I do have child care. Me and my parents own a property together. They live in a self contained part of the property and help take care of DD during the day :)[/quote]
*DS

OP posts:

Palavah · 08/02/2021 23:59

You should make arrangements to return the equipment, too.

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 09/02/2021 00:01

@NiceGerbil

Company references are usually very factual.

If you have hit it off with anyone with a fancy job title in your current job then ask them.

Hello! Not really any fancy job titles where I work unfortunately! I think it would only be appropriate for me to get my line manager as a reference, I reckon the deputy CEO (the one who actually hired me) is going to be really peeved off. I get on really well with my line manager on a personal level but I feel she gets a bit exasperated by me not understanding the technical side of things sometimes. Hopefully she won’t hold that against me.

OP posts:

Original poster

LauraWinchester · 09/02/2021 00:04

@Palavah I feel very guilty about this. I did tell them I didn’t need it but my line manager insisted I got the equipment. They ordered it brand new as well, despite already having spares in the office but due to the lockdown no one could go get it.

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 09/02/2021 00:33

Someone will be able to think of better wording

But I think covid plus short employment gives you an out on a personal reference from work. They will have given you the standard requirements but I think you can work around that.

Others may have better ideas!

sneakysnoopysniper · 09/02/2021 13:00

If you want a more personal reference from someone who has known you longer (than the short term job) can you go back to one of your tutors at uni? Or somewhere you may have done voluntary or part time work? I dont think it matters what the job is because you can always argue that you are willing to " be flexible" to help support yourself. Many skills are transferable and employers are looking for those.

I had been working part time weekends at a local takeaway since I was 15. They were able to give me a reference stating that I had service skills and so on. The new job I was applying for was also customer facing (as a library assistant) so the take away work was ideal experience in some respects.

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