To work or not to work, that 'is' the question

[smithfield]

Hi,

I went back to work full time when my DS was 18months. I was forced back full-time cos of our situation. We had moved back from overseas, and despite his best efforts hubby could not get a job. We decided he should retrain as a plumber and start his own business...which he did.

Two years on I am pregnant again, due in Feb. Im 39, and my job is quite demanding...and not office based so I have struggled a lot and plan to go on mat leave December.

Thing is although I 'do' like my job a lot (cant say love it) I hate being away from DS. We are in a better position financially now and with some careful planning I could probably take a couple of years off.

You would think it would be a no brainer considering how I have felt about not spending enough quality time with DS, but my mind flies beteen taking time off, and saying 'no, no just push on with the job (probably cos of the fear factor of losing my wage and getting back to work after)

Three days, would be perfect but not an option in present company...and those jobs on 3 day basis are few and afr between...at a push they may let me come back 4 days...

Sorry if this is long winded! Hope it makes sense....but some fresh input would be great..

Anyone made this decision and thought 'best thing I ever did'? or 'Big mistake'?

hey smithfield, i had to read twice to make sure this wasn't my post....i am 39 in a few weeks and have just the one child, but would like another (am i crazy???) at some point and feel increasingly sore about having to leave my son with nursery and going to do a job that i used to love, but now feel weighed down by. my time is taken up with dealing with people that are hard work (and all I do is work in an office!!) and some days I put so much effort into sorting them out then driving my commute home then piling into the house at half six to see my son for 30 minutes before he's asleep before crashing out myself at 9pm, and i say to myself (and my long suffering DH) 'what is the effing point?'

2 things - i have now been offered part time at my current work at 4 days, starting january, with a view to 3 days later in the year. but in my experience you never stay part time if you do this in your old f/t job (if that makes sense). little by little they pile it back on....and if you're like me and are afraid to say no so that you don't look like a shirker..it can be a recipe for disaster.

secondly - i have pretty much surrendered to te thought that if i back out now, take at least a few months to try being a f/t mum, i will not walk back into a 'good' job. but i think if i can swallow that i'll be ok. for me, my son, who may be my only child, has got to be worth my time investment.

hope that helps an does not confuse...

You need to list the plusses and minusses...

Plus - spend time with DCs, get to do your own thing, more relaxed household etc.

Minus - money, job satisfaction...

These things pretty much cancel each other out, and if you can really manage without your money, then I don't think you would regret giving up work.

However, there is more to work than the money you are getting today. What about career progression - can you move up the ladder if you stayed? Would you want to? Could you get your job back, or a similar one in the future? How is DH's job security?

I had planned to go back 3 or 4 days a week but ended up staying at home. It is the best thing I've ever done, but - like all jobs - there are days when I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

samualjbookworm So you're saying you've finally decided to take the plunge a give it a go as a SAHM? Good for you! Yes I relate to the whole enjoying you're job less, it just doesnt seem as fullfilling as nurturing you're own children does it!

Currently I feel like everyone else is getting to bring DS up except me.

ExplosiveScienceT You bring up some valid points. Career progression- currently a no go, it would mean more hours and pressure and I would just be miserable. My position takes me away from home 3-4/5 x a year any position above that ie management would maen far more. In the future, it may take some time but I could probably get a similar position back, that's also why Im saying two years though.
The toughie is job security for DH, it's doing well but its a new business, but our plan was to see how we manage whilst on mat leave. we have also been saving like mad, and we plan to sell the property we have overseas so we will have a safety net.

Ahhrg bigest hurdle is my own head! Why are we womans so good at second guessing ourselves, and self bashing. Guilt is a big hurdle I cant seem to climb at the mo!

Ps sorry for the poor spelling (baby brain) plus trying to get it on the page quick!

hello again, i just wanted to add that I've found trolling through the messages on this site v supportive, I think you end up with an expected 50/50 view on your situation, but it does help to know there are so many parents - not always the mums - who feel trapped into this situation. good luck with whatever you decide, Im looking forward to starting as soon as I can!

Hi Smithfield, I started a similar thread a few days ago and there is a lot of us on Mumsnet making these types of decisions.

My personal view is that you won't know until you try it. But perhaps think about what you would do if you did decide to return to work - how easy would it be?

I went back PT after DD (now 3 1/2) I never really enjoyed working once I had her so I decided to have a second earlier than planned to give me an excuse for more time off.

I haven't returned to work after DS (now 17 mths) and certainly don't regret it.

However, I am having a wobble at the moment about my career, or lack of it, and I have been applying for jobs but to be honest it doesn't feel quite right at the moment and the cost of two in childcare is astronomical and despite being a solicitor, albeit a low paid local government one, I cannot convince myself that leaving my two precious DC's is worth it financially. But, if I am offered a flexible, career enhancing role that is better paid then I will reconsider.

My DH also runs his own business and this was always a bit of a worry for us but actually me being at home has allowed him to dedicate more time to work meaning that his earnings have increased more than I could ever bring in after paying child care etc. This does make me feel a bit like something out of the 1950's but on the whole it works for us ( i think!