Trauma

[Dandii]

Has anyone experienced work related trauma? When you have been badly treated in a job (very competitive female environment with cliques, people being rude and unkind, boss included). I have and it continues to haunt me. If you have experienced this, how did you let go?

I’d love to know. 7 years into a different job and the awful experience is still affecting my MH, my self confidence and how I interact with others

Yea used to work in a call centre, and the abuse i used to get from customers and management alike is unreal. I'm unemployed and struggling financially but it's nothing compared to the stress of working in that environment

Yes I'm going through it now and its horrible. I hate the fact that people like that have so much power over me!

Yes. Twice. Never really recovered.

I find women in particular can be the worst with each other.

Following as would love the answers myself, OP.
It really can be soul destroying, can't it? :(

Yes, I have. I was asked and encouraged to take on a massive project. Once it was complete the reaction to it was akin to me shooting a puppy in the face.

All the people above me 'left' the company, I ended up taking the blame for everything I'd been asked to do.

I took 8 weeks off with the stress then Coronavirus hit and I hung on to be made redundant.

I've since found a job for the same money with no drama. But I don't think I'll ever feel as confident in my abilities ever again. Before that I was flying and now...I don't know. It's certainly killed off my appetite for office life.

I'll never forgive the people that did it. Ever. Anytime I think about it my stomach flips.

Yes, and I still suffer now 2 years later.

I left a toxic workplace with no other job to go too and no money to pay my bills because it was either that or drive my car at speed into a wall.

I have a new job now that is much better but my confidence is gone completely. I used to be driven and want to move up the ladder but now I am quite happy in my admin position and have no desire to move up further for fear of it happening again.

I don't know how to move on from it, it feels like it completely changed me as a person

Yes, my first proper job in 2016 and I’m still an absolute wreck at work (different job).

Yes, for me it was a build up of little things every day that after a few years turned me into a nervous wreck with no confidence in myself at all. Still getting over it.

Offices can be such toxic environments. I hate to say it and I'm only speaking from my experience, but any toxicity I have encountered has been from fellow women.

I don't want to generalise but that's just been my experience. I've had a few fantastic female managers and two that made me feel physically ill by the way they spoke to me and made me feel.

Yes had it in my last job. Team leader just didn't like me, completely humiliated me and knocked my confidence. I lasted 6 months and went back to my old job where manager was glad to have me back and reassured me I was excellent at my job ( it was essentially exactly the same job ). The bad experience left me on anti depressants which I am still taking and sometimes I keep going over the experience in my head, but overall the thing that has helped the most has been current workplace restoring my confience.

I’m about 18 months on from leaving a horribly toxic workplace, and not over it tbh.

Like a PP, I was encouraged to go for a promotion, told there would be lots of support and ...nothing. Just 6 months of feeling out of my depth, being ignored when I asked for help, and working 6 days a week (on a 3-day a week part time contract)

Of course I wasn’t up to doing a decent job, I stuffed it up and took all the blame. Handed in my notice and now treading water in a lower paid admin-type role elsewhere. Feel sick and ashamed every time I think about how my ‘dream’ job ended -though logically I know I was let down- and have totally lost my sense of ambition

I couldn't have said it any better myself, @BirdsInTheAttic. I'm so sorry that you all went through/are going through this too :(

That sounds dreadful @BirdsInTheAttic - sorry you went through that. I returned from maternity leave, probably seen as an obstacle to progression for others. Boss loved the clique who constantly undermined me. Constant whispering, A horrendous experience.

Sorry others have experienced the same @Dandii and @hillarypcof. For me it wasn’t about anyone particular person or colleague (individually lots of them were decent people) but just a toxic system and atmosphere.

On the positive side, I’m proud that I had the presence of mind to walk (though I realise I was lucky to have that option), and life is much more balanced now!

Yes,

I get through it by trying to ignore it but has left a deep scar and confidence issues.

We had a restructure and the consultants tried to reinvent the wheel. I was overlooked for promotion as they changed the competencies and put in someone with different skills. However they soon realised it wasn't working and the role reverted back to something that was more aligned with my skills but there was someone in that job. Eventually they moved up and I moved up. There was another reatructuring and when that was announced they gave my job title to someone else without telling me. That hurt that most. I stayed off my work for a couple of days but I thought if I dont go back now I never will and I have bills to pay so swallowed my pride.

I have a particularly specialised job in niche industry. Feel trapped as the wage is not too bad and any move out of it will result in a wage reduction. I now just put my head down and get on with it with a broken spirit. To be honest the day to day working environment is fine it's just all the politics and empire building.

Always got my eye out for other things. I feel I have the potential to do really well in another company but struggle to articulate that to potential employers because my confidence has been battered.

I had this and moved jobs/careers around 3 years ago. What has helped massively is moving, obviously, but also:

• counselling as the trauma was partly that my experiences of bullying were triggering and I needed to work on that. I found transactional analysis a really useful concept for understanding my interaction with my bully / those who enabled it
• having a good manager in my first role in my new career. That really built my confidence. Know that’s just luck sadly
• through better management, having a mentor and also engaging in training and development, eg

Action learning sets, and reading on topics like compassionate leadership, developing my own leadership style - I really try and reflect and objectify what I see as good/bad practice and try my best

I totally agree with @Levithecat, counselling has been really beneficial for me too.

I question for those of you who moved on into a new job following the trauma - I moved from my toxic employer into the NHS where I've had my faith in the workplace totally restored. The team are great and the work is too. I have successfully applied for a promotion within the NHS and they are currently doing all the background/pre-employment checks (yes odd I know when it is an internal move within the NHS but oh well)

Anyway - I am anxious that my reference from my toxic job will prevent me from being offered the job because I was signed off work for 2 months due to the stress of it all before I resigned. Will this be held against me?? My absence record from my current job is pretty spotless, I had one period of 2-day sickness back in August but thats the only sick leave I have taken.

I know rationally it shouldn't be a problem, but this is the kind of confidence knock a toxic employer can do to you!!! Thanks all in advance xx

@hillarypcof I don’t think it will cause any problems at all. If it comes up, you can explain and people do get sick. Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine.

It sounds like others have had to have counseling to get over their work experiences. Do you think jealously has a big part to play in all of this? It felt like nursery!!!

Would you recommend CBT?

@Dandii thank you so much xx

Yes, I totally think jealousy plays a part in this, especially when the perpetrators are mainly women on women. It could be professional jealousy (career), personal jealousy (over your looks/personality/kind nature etc) or a bit of both. It is evil isn't it? Mine was definitely a bit of both although mainly professional jealousy. I had worked my way up the ranks in this job quite quickly for the time I had been there, roles which others had taken 10+ years to get to. That definitely "stirred the pot" as my Mum would say, and from there they made the work environment horrible for me.

I definitely found counselling, talking therapy and CBT really helpful for me. Ultimately time has been the biggest healer. I am miles better than where I was 12 months ago, but I am still not 100%, my self confidence is still a bit jittery and I think until I am 110% better I will always be resentful of that they did and the impacts it has all had on me. Keep us posted with how you get on xx

Jealousy was at the root of everything that happened to me. I did something that I got loads of praise for, and the company owner had a massive tantrum because he never thought to do it first.

I got made redundant and he's doing his own version of my work now. Probably to worldwide acclaim.

He's also a serial sexual assaulter of young female staff members. I hope that comes out before he dies so he has to face it.