Reason for returning to work

Dogonahottinroof · 02/02/2021 21:28

@Anca123456

Hello,

How do you tell a toddler that you want to go back to work? How do you answer to "Why do you want to go back to work instead of staying at home with me?" and "Why do I have to go to nursery?" I don't want to make my return to work about money and buying nice things, I used to like my job and I miss it, I am very keen to go back to work after almost 3 years but I don't know how to explain it to my toddler.

I don't think that a toddler would say any of those things unless steely are being fed lines by a manipulative parent.

Doesn't your OH want you to return to work?

idontlikealdi · 02/02/2021 21:30

You don't, they're a toddler? Tell them you are going to work and they are going to the childminder / nursery whatever like thousand and thousands of other children.

Newnamefor2021 · 02/02/2021 21:30

Because you're a big boy/girl now and you can go to nursery and have lots of friends and mummy will go back to work?

Fhdfjiggvfhg · 02/02/2021 22:30

“Because Mummy need to get pennies for nice things” should do it!

Original poster

Anca123456 · 03/02/2021 09:27

@Dogonahottinroof I am sorry but I don't find your answer very useful. I've never said my toddler asked those questions, I am just looking for an answer to them that can be understood by a toddler.

I would like to know what other parents told their children, why they have to go to nursery.

My daughter is an overly emotional child and I've noticed that she reacts better and calms easily if I can came up with some sort of reason.

@Newnamefor2021 This is what I tell her every day but it's not helping much. She still cries that she wants to stay at home, alone :) I even show her pictures with her at nursery playing with her favorite toys but it's not helping much.

OP posts:

Findahouse21 · 03/02/2021 09:30

I used to talk to dd about things that she really liked - she'd had a great holiday about 2 and a half which she remembered and I told her that nice things like holidays cost money. Dd also knew from a young age that I do a job that helps other children stay safe, so I told her that I had found her a lovely nursery where she could have fun and be happy and safe while I helped other children be as lucky as her

NerrSnerr · 03/02/2021 09:33

You don't. Don't mention it until just before and then tell her she's going to nursery. She doesn't need to know about work or anything like that- just that she needs to go to nursery and it'll be fun because of x,y and z. You cannot reason with a toddler.

Bourbonbiccy · 03/02/2021 10:29

If they are used to having you at home, it will obviously be a change for them, but that doesn't need to be negative change.

Just be honest, we put our 3 year old in pre school in sept, he asks why he needs to go I tell him the truth, it's because he is starting school in September so it's equipping him for that, he gets it.

So what are the reasons for you going back.?.

Talk her through exactly what that will look like - We will walk to nursery after breakfast and dressed, then mummy/daddy will drop you off you will play then we will pick you up.

My DS needs the same, he is more comfortable if knows why things happen, and we only really tell him the truth about things.
Just be honest.

LIZS · 03/02/2021 10:32

Focus on the positives of nursery. If she asks what you are doing make it very matter of fact and simple that you are going to work like daddy/auntie/grandad etc

Respectabitch · 03/02/2021 10:35

I actually started a thread about how my preschooler wailed "I'll be sad FOREVER when you go to work, mummy" when I was going back after mat leave with DC2. (Spoiler alert, that was two years ago and he wasn't even sad for two days.)

I just told him mummy needed to go back, she had work to do, she likes her work and that is how mummy and daddy have a nice house and he gets nice food and toys. Be matter of fact and don't make it a negotiation. You are going back and she will have wonderful fun.

Lampsank · 03/02/2021 10:36

I'll be honest, I didn't leave it up for discussion or rationalise it for my toddler, it was a case of you are starting nursery soon, and then rolled with it. Have you said about it yet? You might be surprised by her reaction, I would start there and then see what you can do to support her and how she is feeling, if it's made a huge, scary deal from the offset, she will likely be more nervous, or if there is any room for maneuver like mummy would like to go back to work, it leaves it open and probably worse in the long run. There are plenty of lovely books about starting nursery, maybe start with some of those?

Bourbonbiccy · 03/02/2021 10:40

Explain something to a confused inquisitive toddler, is not negotiating with them, it being decent and explaining. If they are old enough to ask, take the time to explain.

Respectabitch · 03/02/2021 11:05

Nobody said it was, bourbon. But it's not helpful to a toddler to engage as though it might not happen if they're really sad, if it is going to happen. You can acknowledge their real feelings without giving the impression that your decision might be changeable.

Original poster

Anca123456 · 03/02/2021 11:37

@Bourbonbiccy I've always been honest with her, I've noticed it works better than telling 'stories' ... or maybe I am not good at telling 'stories' and she figures it our right away :)

She goes to nursery 3 days a week, we started in August but she still cries every single morning all the way from home to nursery. The first couple of weeks I've tried to distract her with different things but now I acknowledge her feelings, I tell her that it's ok to cry and be sad, and try to focus on the things she enjoys at nursery. She likes it there and the stuff is amazing, when I pick her she tell me all about her day and she is happy. But the mornings are a nightmare ...

I am not negotiating with her, I am returning to work because I love my job and I miss it a lot. I don't want her to have the impression that I like my job more than staying at home with her. I believe I will be a better role model for her if I go back to work, it will improve my mental health.

Maybe I am just overthinking it :)

@Findahouse21 That's a great suggestion! I've been thinking for quite some time how to explain to her what I do at work ... I will try to see if I can come up with something that she understands.

OP posts:

Lampsank · 03/02/2021 11:43

Do the nursery staff have any ideas for what might help in the mornings? By the sound of it she does have a good day once there, but I can see why you don't like her being upset every morning, it's hard.

Bourbonbiccy · 03/02/2021 12:10

i am not negotiating with her, I am returning to work because I love my job and I miss it a lot. I don't want her to have the impression that I like my job more than staying at home with her. I believe I will be a better role model for her if I go back to work, it will improve my mental health

@Anca123456 sounds like you are doing great, She will never think you love your job more than her, just explain that to her, that some people need/want to work and it's now your time to go back.

I think sometimes they just get into the habit of doing things, so she may be crying just out of habit. Not that this makes it easier to see but maybe it could make sense of it rather than you think you are sending her somewhere she doesn't want to go, as I doubt that's the case if she comes out happy with lots of good stories.

Do nursery say she's sad through the day or does she just get on with it ?

I've always been honest with her, I've noticed it works better than telling 'stories
Yes we decided this was definitely the best way forwards.

Bourbonbiccy · 03/02/2021 12:13

But it's not helpful to a toddler to engage as though it might not happen if they're really sad, if it is going to happen

No one said it was respectable,

You can acknowledge their real feelings without giving the impression that your decision might be changeable.
Of course you can, you can have an honest discussion without giving them the impression your decision might change. I'm not sure that was being debated ?

Original poster

Anca123456 · 05/02/2021 21:22

Do nursery say she's sad through the day or does she just get on with it ?

She is a upset when I drop her off but it doesn't take her long to calm down. Sometimes she will see something when she enters the class and will calm down right away, other times someone will sit with her and read a book. It's a very small nursery and the stuff is extra caring.

Do the nursery staff have any ideas for what might help in the mornings?
Yes, we've tried a few things but they only worked once or twice.

OP posts: