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How do I get through this?

4 replies

Ritascornershop · 26/01/2021 05:30

I’ve been in my current job for 1.5 years, previously was in the same role in a different place but got moved. My colleague gets to set procedure, but I mostly decide my workflow. I like the clients, the other staff, but for much of the day it is me in my room, her in an adjacent room and my role does not interact with other roles.

My colleague is very difficult to work with. I am the 6th person in this job in 8 years, no-one sticks it for long (previous people have stuck it from 4 weeks to 3 years). Management encourages me to discuss some things with her before proceeding. I consider it a heads up, or even an opening to a back and forth. She is not my supervisor, but she considers this an affront & says “don’t worry about it, I will take care of it”. And not in a reassuring way, in a “discussion over” way.

This keeps coming up because there are many, many tasks she should have done annually, monthly, when they need doing etc. “Housekeeping” issues, partly in the software, partly other things. She’s been in the role for a long time and a heck of a lot of these tasks have built up and the place is a mess, such a massive mess, in terms of data and physically. So I’m trying to get things sorted, many of them can be done by either of us, they’re in both our job descriptions but she shuts me down and management knows her Union is stronger so they won’t deal with it properly (they reign her in and then get busy and things go to hell again).

She barely speaks to me except to tell me not to do work, she undoes work I’ve spent ages on (can’t give details as it’s outing). The atmosphere is terrible.

I am looking for a new job, though this one could be just fine. But the job market is not good right now, so how do I get through this?

It’s difficult to explain but she unnerves me. I have to sit with my back to her and occasionally I’ll turn around and she’ll be boring holes into my back with her eyes. She complains daily about the perfume I wear (I don’t wear perfume), if other staff come in she whispers frantically “come here!” and takes them in the hall or her office for lengthy natters. She’s run through 6 people since she’s been in her job & likely won’t retire for quite a few years. So until I find another job, how do I keep my chin up? (Please be gentle, I am so stressed from 1.5 years of this, I’ve lasted longer than all but one of the people in this job).

OP posts:
Ritascornershop · 26/01/2021 05:45

I should add that the stress is causing me to think about asking the dr for Valium to get through work, I think about moving to another city (away from friends and family) so that I can afford to not work, daily I have to convince myself to go in and daily I fight myself not to quit.

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Anon22 · 27/01/2021 23:06

Ah, I worked with one of these. You won't change her and the more you let her intimidate, unnerve and dominate you, the meeker and more anxious you'll become.

What you can do is change how you react to her behaviour. I chose to "kill with kindness" whilst pleasing myself.

I'd give her an outline for my day saying that I'd be working on X, knowing that she'd then say she had something essential to do concerning X, when actually I'd wanted to work on Y.

Rearrange your desk so she's not looking at your screen or your back. Clean up /declutter your office, make your work environment pleasant for you. Bring in a stress-reducing plant and an ornament or picture of something that you find calming.

When she has whispering chats, leave it 30 seconds or so and walk past saying "just making myself a tea, can I get you one?"

Wear perfume (if you want to), or a de-stress roller fragrance. Or bring in a calming essential oil on a tissue.

Take back your power!

Anon22 · 27/01/2021 23:45

Also, I found making statements to be more helpful (followed by raised eyebrows)

"I notice the font on the customer quotations has changed to Comic Sans"

"I see you're looking at X's proposal which I submitted yesterday"

Can you show tracking on your files/change to read only/pdf or password protect?

Can you discuss with management or hr. Can you move roles?

On your journey in can you listen to an upbeat podcast or music. Are you allowed headphones at work?

Ritascornershop · 28/01/2021 00:22

Thanks @Anon22 ! I do listen to music on the way in. Unfortunately I can’t move my desk.

Thing escalated though with her shouting at me and calling me names and now she’s on short term sick leave and if she comes back I’ve said I won’t work with her so likely I’ll get moved.

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