The main problem I see is that men stop doing any childcare , housework or wifework while their partner is on maternity leave. Then when she goes back, they are very reluctant to take on any of that work.
So the woman ends up doing two full time jobs - the paid one and the unpaid. As you can imagine this has a dramatic effect on how much she enjoys and performs at both jobs and her tiredness levels.
I know so many women who then decide to go part time at their paid job because they are struggling at both. They often say it’s because they miss their baby too much / they don’t agree with FT childcare, because it seems like an admission of failure to say that they are just too tired.
They are embarrassed to admit they are not performing as well as they should at work. And of course it’s impossible to admit to being the biggest failure in the world - a mother who doesn’t find complete and ultimate fulfilment in being with her child.
So these women are just exhausted. They feel they are doing neither job well and they can’t admit that to anyone. Usually any attempts to get their Partner to share the load are rebuffed directly or indirectly, and they give up because it’s putting a strain on their relationship.
So they feel even worse - they FEEL they are a terrible wife who nags their husband, a terrible mother who just wants their baby to sleep to they can too and a failure at work. Oh and did I mention - their figure didn’t ‘ping ‘ back the way it does for all the women on SM.
Remember they are usually exhausted all the time, which doesn’t help with a sense of perspective.
But they can’t admit any of this. Because there are people all around waiting to say “ I told you so”. And often their husband is very keen to say “ well just go part time then “. Because that way he gets to keep all his leisure time as she will continue to do all the housework / wifework / childcare.
Of course, he will tell everyone that he “allowed “ her to go part time and he will complain about the stress of being “ the bread winner “. He gets to be a hero, but he still has all his own leisure time as he only has one job. Later on, he will complain that she is lazy for not working FT and earning as much as him.
And of course it increases his power in the relationship, because he has more money and therefore control.
She thinks she will just be PT for a few years. But it’s hard to go back FT for all the reasons above. Her husband will climb the career ladder, then claim he is too busy and important to do anything with his kids or in the house. So she will still do everything.
Some couples even deduct childcare costs from the women’s salary only, then point out how it’s not “ worth it “. They don’t take any account of lost earnings, lost career prospects and lost pension because they only affect the women - so therefore they don’t count. (These things apparently only matter if they affect men.)
Some women try clever work arounds - like compressed hours. So they do 4 very long paid work days and then three very long days of childcare and housework . Their husband does 5 long work days any has two full days off. You’d think the problem here would be glaringly obvious but apparently not.
You say @Nat1993 that your husband is ready to have a baby. What he probably means is that he’s ready for YOU to have a baby.
Why don’t you ask him how it’s going to change his life? How he will alter his working hours, career plans are pension . What hobbies and social events he is going to give up ? How much extra housework he will do ?
That will tell you how ready he is .