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Original poster

Work or motherhood?

21 replies

MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 19:41

This has been asked a million times but what is the answer?

I enjoy my work and the industry but my workplace is TOXIC and I mean just beyond awful however I am overpaid and get good perks. I doubt I would get another job for similar money or even in the same industry (I have tried before with no luck!)

I earn the same as my husband so would basically be cutting the household income in half which would be a huge change for us. He could cover the mortgage/bills day to day bits but our boys are in private school which would have to go as would nice holidays and all the extras etc.

Do I give this up to be potentially happier day to day? Have a simpler life! My smallest boy could leave nursery and be at home with me and maybe I could work part time doing something completely different. I know jobs are hard to come by at the moment so might be a silly move?!

I am very conflicted. Any advice? Thank you

OP posts:
Shadysback · 18/01/2021 19:45

Is going part time in your current job an option? I'd go for that if it is.

Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 19:59

Unfortunately they won’t allow it! :(

OP posts:
Horehound · 18/01/2021 20:15

Ohh I so know where you are coming from op. O have a cushy job but I fucking hate the people/my manager. But pay and pension are great and seems silly to throw it away.

Will you regret not spending more time with the children when you're older, do you think?
I was Gona suggest part time too. I did manage to negotiate 4 days at least rather than 5! Why did they refuse? If you find someone else in the company/similar role wanting to also go part time you could suggest a job share

hemhem · 18/01/2021 20:18

Are you currently working from home? What was their reason for turning down your part time request? You have a legal right to request pt working so they cannot just issue a blanket no without specific reasons. If you enjoy the work can you move to a competitor?

hemhem · 18/01/2021 20:20

Personally I like the security of my own career and would never give that up. Some people live to work, others work to live. Which are you?

Frestba · 18/01/2021 20:30

DC are quite temporary in that there comes a point where they up and leave and that comes sooner than you think. Not having enough money is the thief of happiness. I guess you have to weigh up. But one thing I will say is that any hobby you turn into work ceases to be anything but work. And it's pretty shite being mid fifties without being further on than an entry level job and without enough to retire on and keep a roof over your head. How bad is your job, would probably be the starting point. Does it make you depressed and ill? If so then you have to move on.

Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 20:32

@Horehound

Ohh I so know where you are coming from op. O have a cushy job but I fucking hate the people/my manager. But pay and pension are great and seems silly to throw it away.

Will you regret not spending more time with the children when you're older, do you think?
I was Gona suggest part time too. I did manage to negotiate 4 days at least rather than 5! Why did they refuse? If you find someone else in the company/similar role wanting to also go part time you could suggest a job share

It is a tiny company (in people terms) the MD is ‘God’ He doesn’t want people part time for no apparent reason, probably another power trip. I could do my job in two days to be honest!
OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 20:35

@hemhem

Are you currently working from home? What was their reason for turning down your part time request? You have a legal right to request pt working so they cannot just issue a blanket no without specific reasons. If you enjoy the work can you move to a competitor?
No, working from home is not allowed! Covid guidelines are followed (screens, distancing etc)

He just gives the whole “part time doesn’t meet the needs of the business” rubbish. No HR department to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 20:38

@hemhem

Personally I like the security of my own career and would never give that up. Some people live to work, others work to live. Which are you?
I agree. I love having my own security and stability, I’ve always been very independent. Great question and one I need to work out the answer to very quickly. I feel sick with worry.
OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 18/01/2021 20:47

If it would mean significantly downgrading your children's lifestyles (ie different schools and no holidays) then i think it would be a pretty selfish call to quit, tbh.

Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 20:49

@Frestba

DC are quite temporary in that there comes a point where they up and leave and that comes sooner than you think. Not having enough money is the thief of happiness. I guess you have to weigh up. But one thing I will say is that any hobby you turn into work ceases to be anything but work. And it's pretty shite being mid fifties without being further on than an entry level job and without enough to retire on and keep a roof over your head. How bad is your job, would probably be the starting point. Does it make you depressed and ill? If so then you have to move on.
Thank you for your reply, interesting what you say about the future and retirement I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I wish I had been smarter with my money!
OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 18/01/2021 20:52

I wonder when you last looked at other jobs in same industry and if it’s worth more exploring. Some things have changed for the better due to Covid in terms of employer flexibility. Is there a deadline by which you could have earned enough to cover school fees and then leave? Is there another way to pay school fees eg extend mortgage? Scholarship? Are either of the DC near a natural change point? I can’t believe the choices are as binary as SAHM or stay full time in same role at same employer. Keep exploring!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 18/01/2021 20:53

Never too late to be smart with your money? Is it worth sitting down and figuring out what you need to do to retire early for example.?
If it's a small business, what happens to
It when he retires? Could you save to buy him out?
Could you set up in competition?

QuentinWinters · 18/01/2021 20:56

I think you should keep working, its not just about who earns most now. If you stop work you will probably have to go back at a lower level than you are now which will be frustrating.

hemhem · 18/01/2021 20:56

Your company/the MD sounds awful but if you like the money then maybe its a trade off you are willing to make? How long do you want to stay there? I plan to be in my current job for 10 years. My kids are young (primary school) and we have a lovely nanny so I don't feel like they miss out at the moment. I plan to retire as early as I can to be around more when they are teens. Have you got a long term plan and does your current role help you achieve it?

AllosaurusMum · 18/01/2021 20:57

I would look for a new job even if it’s less money. Seems better to have less money coming in than no money.

Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 21:31

@HappyHedgehog247

I wonder when you last looked at other jobs in same industry and if it’s worth more exploring. Some things have changed for the better due to Covid in terms of employer flexibility. Is there a deadline by which you could have earned enough to cover school fees and then leave? Is there another way to pay school fees eg extend mortgage? Scholarship? Are either of the DC near a natural change point? I can’t believe the choices are as binary as SAHM or stay full time in same role at same employer. Keep exploring!
Thank you, I appreciate your advice. Currently our industry is ‘closed’ due to Covid, it revolves largely around travel so no go at the moment. I think I need to sit it out for another few years, make my money work better and then make the jump. But then my smallest boy will be starting school :(
OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 21:37

@hemhem

Your company/the MD sounds awful but if you like the money then maybe its a trade off you are willing to make? How long do you want to stay there? I plan to be in my current job for 10 years. My kids are young (primary school) and we have a lovely nanny so I don't feel like they miss out at the moment. I plan to retire as early as I can to be around more when they are teens. Have you got a long term plan and does your current role help you achieve it?
Yes, long term (another 2/3 years) I can put my exit plan into place but by that time my smallest boy will be starting school. I’m kicking myself, why did I not plan ahead. I’ve already done 15 years there, I should of known this day would come.
OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 21:40

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

Never too late to be smart with your money? Is it worth sitting down and figuring out what you need to do to retire early for example.? If it's a small business, what happens to It when he retires? Could you save to buy him out? Could you set up in competition?
He won’t retire, he’ll work till he dies apparently. He’s been offered millions before but would rather keep working than sell, it’s what he loves.

He would make my name mud. He’s a big player, knows everyone and not afraid to use his ‘power’ I have to keep him on side.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMatilda · 18/01/2021 21:43

@Ohalrightthen

If it would mean significantly downgrading your children's lifestyles (ie different schools and no holidays) then i think it would be a pretty selfish call to quit, tbh.
I would feel awfully selfish which is why I’ve stayed this far. But also have ‘mummy guilt’ for leaving my boys and working long hours/being away travelling.
OP posts:
hemhem · 19/01/2021 10:59

This notion of "mummy guilt" needs to be addressed. You cannot do everything so you need to make choices. If the choices you make have been well-thought out and you are confident they're right for your family then there is no reason to feel guilty. Yes you may miss out on the odd thing if you're travelling with work etc but in return you have financial independence, a good quality of life, more opportunities and you and your DH are role modelling equal career and equal parenting responsibilities for your DC. So no need to feel guilty unless you believe this is not the right trade off for you

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