Am I being ridiculous about this

[Clickiclick]

Please be honest but gentle lol. I work in a small team supporting someone at their own home. I've been in the same job for a long long time and enjoy it.
I'm slightly high risk so have an assessment in place ( not sure if this is relevant)
Our team is very open and honest and we work well together.
My line manager came in to go over my risk assessment which was all fine.
Then she said she wanted to speak to me which was fine. She said it was nothing to do with work but that staff was very concerned about my health. I'm a smoker I've had 3 family bereavements in the last 2 years one very close. I admit I have been smoking a bit more than usual. Apparently this was an off the record chat and came from a loving place of concern for me.
I asked my manager if she was concerned that I wasn't doing my job properly and she said not at all and she was very happy with my standard of work.
I would never let my standard of care and support of the person slip in any way.
Perhaps I'm being too sensitive here but I feel we are such a close team that the staff member could of spoke to me.
I feel it shouldn't of been escalated to my line manager if it doesn't affect my standard of work in any way.
It's really upset me I've hardly slept and feel very awkward at work. Am I being stupid feeling like this?
If it affected my level of work in anyway then yes I would expect to be taken aside and spoken to 100%. It's just not sitting well with me what do you all think?

Are they worried because you are smoking a lot, or are they worried about your mental health?

I think it's the amount I smoke my mental health has been ok. It was my Mum I lost very suddenly so I'm on medication etc and feel stable enough

That's horrible, I'm really sorry.
Maybe they didn't want to come to you with such a sensitive subject. Since it was off the record and said as a friend, I would assume they are just worried about you and want to make sure you are OK. Perhaps it wasn't just one colleague that was concerned so they decided to ask the manager to have a word with you incase there was anything sensitive you needed to discuss

Duty of care to you both your team and your manager have taken appropriate steps in a difficult subject

Take care of yourself, your important, take some time out and 3 bereavements is a lots to deal with and add that to a lockdown and you can see why you’re smoking more. But that’s not good for you & they’re looking out for you

Don’t be sensitive about this, it’s been dealt with correctly

I can't seem to let it go for some reason.
Maybe it's hit a raw nerve cause I'm noticing myself I'm smoking more and I've spoke to my colleagues about it. I'm also in touch with my doctor to see the no smoking people.
It just feels a bit off that my line manager brought it up if it's not affecting my work in any way. It kind of feels a bit weird. I would never dream of going to my line manager and would of spoke to my colleague saying I was worried about them.
That's the kind of team we are. If there's anything we always go to the person before thinking about going to the manager

@Clickiclick
Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss

If your manager isn't concerned about your work, it sounds like they're just genuinely concerned about you and your health and shows they care.

If you're having a difficult time, smoking more is very common as it's a relaxant.
If you work in a small team but for part of a larger organisation do they have like an employee support/ assistance programme you can access to get some smoking cessation support? Maybe she was trying to suggest that in a non-direct way.
Cutting down would be good for you and better for your health but it's like dieting or anything else, it needs to be the right time for you to deal with things and have a bit of a coping mechanism in place x

We are a very close team while obviously being professional in our job.
Thank you so much everyone I can't figure out why I'm so hurt by this. I've been in touch with my doctor so he's putting me across to the no smoking people.
I've had a bit of counselling too as I lost my Dad when I was very young so losing my Mum broke me a fair bit x

They sound like a thoughtful team who care about you a lot.

Suspect you feel very vulnerable and sensitive at the moment so reading far more into it then you should.

Thank you porridgegoat. I'm trying to see it from that angle cause they are a lovely team. I just can't figure out why it's hurt me cause it was my line manager that spoke to me x

Got to love autocorrect sorry porridgeoat x

It’s probably hit a sensitive spot because you know in yourself that you need to make changes to your health.

Please do take their care and kindness the way it was meant though. Some people find it too much to say things directly.

Thank you I think I'm just feeling a bit meh and took it all completely wrong. I need to just be myself at work and drop the awkward feeling x

There has been a lot of education both in work places and in general about noticing signs of potential mental health issues. Changes in behaviour such as increased smoking/drinking etc are common signs that all is not well. I think your colleagues and your manager sound very caring, they know you've been through a lot and want to be sure you're ok. I don't think anyone was questioning your work at all. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time x

Yes I think I'm taking it too much to heart I'm very lucky to have caring work colleagues thank you everyone x

It sounds like you’ve been through a really hard time and your colleagues really are just worried about you. Given that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and one that’s attacking the respiratory system, they’re probably genuinely scared that you’re putting yourself at a high risk of being seriously poorly if you were to catch Covid.

Also, sometimes we’re not really aware of how much we’re doing something and it takes others to notice it. I can’t tell what type of care work you do but are you smoking a lot at work? One thing that I thought of was that maybe the people you are caring for are uncomfortable with the smell of heavy smoke and don’t feel they are able to say it so your colleagues have said something for them? I used to work on a hospital ward and the patients would comment on how much one particular nurse would stink of smoke and that they didn’t like it when she close to them while doing personal care.

Try not to overthink it though as it really does sound like it’s coming from a caring place.

Op be very kind to yourself. You’ve had a shit time

Knittingbaker thank you I think I'm just very sensitive just now. I smoke outside but your right perhaps the smell isn't nice. I've started to pay more attention to the amount I smoke and it is too much 😔.
I never thought of Covid and your right it could be very bad for smokers.
I'm hoping the no smoking people can give me a kick up the bum.
Porridgeoat thank you it has been an awful 2 years. Things just seem to settle then something else comes along. The bereavements have been hard 2 young family members then my Mum. I'm plodding along. Hopefully things settle again and I can stop smoking once and for all.
Your all so lovely thank you x

Could I recommend something? Cariad Lloyd has a podcast called Griefcast where she talks about grief mostly with comedians but others too. I find it enormously comforting and therapeutic.

And as all the pps have said your colleagues and boss really are looking out for you. Grief can sometimes manifest itself as irritation and anger so it could be that?

StricklyaFemaleFemale I will look up that podcast thank you. I don't think I've actually grieved properly I'm one who puts on a brave face then collapses in sore unbearable sobs when I'm alone 😔.
My colleagues are all lovely. Your reply got me thinking I am very snappy and irritated but hold it in and take it out on myself x

So sorry for the loss of your mum Sounds like a difficult few years for you.

I agree that your colleagues sound concerned for your welfare and health, rather than trying to be nasty or to upset you! How often are you going out smoking? Have you ever actually added up the time you are taking unpaid to smoke, or do you only do it during a lunch break?

Hopefully you get some help. As difficult as as it is, dont let the thoughts about your colleagues rule your life and eat you up xxx

We do long shifts so it's mostly on my breaks. I'm more often than not alone on a very long shift. I'm always in early and leave awhile after my shift finishes.
My smoking doesn't affect my care and support of the person in any way.
They always come first as I value them and my position.
I'm hoping the no smoking people can help me cause I know I'm risking my health.
I'm just so gutt wrenched just now and feel very empty and out of control 😔 x

Are you providing direct patient care to this client? Smoke lingers on clothes, in hair, on skin etc and is offensive and revolting to many non-smokers.

Have you considered getting some support to grieve properly. CBT or other conselling? Your GP could refer you but likely a long waiting list. Private companies also offer it, with most being via skype/teams etc. Sounds like you need to work through your difficult few years and losses, because you can consider tackling the smoking. I'm sure you can go it though x