Mummy guilt over increase in working days

[purplesmiler]

Since my maternity leave finished I have worked 3 days per week and I decided to take on a role that was a step down the career ladder much lower pay scale to have the quality time with my child. After well over a year in this role I feel my skills are not being used and the role is quite frustrating at times.
I was recently offered a job with a new company back at the level I was working before I had my child. The compromise is I would need to work an extra day per week meaning my child would have to attend an additional day at childcare. Even though financially and in terms of my career this would be much better for us as a family ( we have had financial struggles with my drop in wage) I cant help but feel guilty that I'm reducing my time with my child? I know this isnt a question as such but I wanted some other input on if people have been in a similar position or any other thoughts on my situation.
Thank you for reading.

Can you offset your guilt eg by using some of your extra income to pay for a cleaner?

I don't think many parents completely avoid guilt. It comes with the job. Your child will be fine if they are at a good childcare setting. Ignore the pangs of guilt and just be a fantastic, present parent when you are at home.

I agree that quality over quantity is important. I did 3 days for a year after my first and it was a great balance. Now he is older I feel fine with him being in nursery more because I can see how much he gets out of it and also I make the most of the time we do have together. You have to decide what is right for you as a family.

Is the father feeling daddy guilt?

Why is it your guilt? Your post indicates you have a partner - Does your partner feel the same? You have as much right to a fulfilling career. Could your partner reduce their working week in order to have an extra day with your child?

I totally get this, I would absolutely feel the same. I work 4 days and have done since returning from Mat leave, and genuinely find it a really nice balance of work / home life. I get the guilt. You really don't need to feel it though :-)

I work 4 days and I can't say I feel guilt about it. It's what's right for me and I still have a day to spend with my DC and do the schoolrun plus the weekend. 3 days is so confining.

You can always step back again in future if you want but you may not have another opportunity to step up.

Ask yourself:

1. would a man feel guilt, or be given a hard time, about this?
2. does the guilt signal a change that you might need to make, or is it simply pointless self flagellation? If so, push it overboard. Genuinely, this is my philosophy. I have felt guilt in the past but I'm not reducing from 4 days, so when I feel guilt I tell it to fuck off and carry on. There's no Guilt Badge. It doesn't help anyone.

Daycare is not horrible.
You are providing for your family.
Your child will be loved and cared for.
The guilt is a societal construct, reject it.
Anyone who tries to make you feel guilty doesn't care about you; or, they are trying to justify their own life choices and feel threatened by yours.

Try the job, if it doesn't work for you and your kid, you can always change it again.

You’d never get a bloke posting this in a million years.

I work full time and I don’t feel guilt

I had a sense of pressure around what I “should” be doing when I had DC1 and reduced my hours down to 4 days a week. With hindsight I wish I hadn’t

At the moment it is tough with schools closed and certainly there are moments where you have to breathe through some comments that are made about working mums but I don’t feel guilty for having a career or earning money - my DH certainly doesn’t

I work 5 days and have found peace with that! My children love their nursery and are thriving. We have morning and evening time and I make an effort at the weekends to have quality time with each of them.

My income also helps with allowing us more choices for exciting activities, adventures and experiences.

My career is important to me and if I reduced hours would not be able to remain at my level, well not within my current company, which I love. I take a long term view that once they are old enough to go to school, I will have gained 5 years career experience at my level which is important to me. So I've made my choices and am happy with those. You have to make your choices according to what makes you happy.

Thank you so much for your replies I already feel better.
I think your right about not hearing this from a man lol.
My daughter loves her childcare so I think she would be ok adjusting to the extra time. It's also because I didnt think I would want to return so soon to my career if that makes sense? Thought I would happily carry on in the smaller role for years to come. How wrong could I have been.

Just want to add to the others I found 4 days a week a good balance :) I found 5 days too much and felt massive guilt, but have a day less away and a day more at home was fantastic. I now work a different flexible pattern and this is great too but yes 4 days was just fine!

Thought I would happily carry on in the smaller role for years to come. How wrong could I have been.

Sounds like you are really fortunate that this opportunity has come along - and that you might well regret it if you don’t take it? Especially as it is 4 days not 5.

I took a step back when dc were young and it wasn’t right for me at all. I now work 4 days a week - back in a more senior role - and it’s ideal.