I need positive stories about being a f/t working mum

[Hattie05]

I know this is probably a common topic, but i have searched and found snippets here and there.

I would love to hear from people that work fulltime with young children and how they feel?

I have a 5yr old and 1yr old and have always worked 3 days a week very flexibly (e.g. have managed to be there for all important stuff like settling to pre-school, toddler clubs etc.) Basically that to me seems like the best of both worlds.

But for personal reasons dp and i are considering switching roles, as a very attractive fulltime job has come up for me, and dp would be more sahd working parttime.

I just keep thinking will i regret it if we decide to make this change? The job would be much further way from home - adding time i wouldn't be at home for the travelling. I would love for dp to have this very rewarding special time with the girls that i've had for the past five years and i know that they would be fine with him. But i still keep feeling sad that i may miss out on opportunities like parents helping at school etc. But then that must be how dp has felt all this time anyway and hes coped!

Would love to hear peoples stories! Thank you.

I have a one year old son and I work a very flexible full time job. I work over four days and have (generally) a Wednesday off. I work longer days and sometimes in the evening to keep Wednesday free.

I use my blackberry and my laptop and generally check my emails and messages on the Wednesday and usually respond to urgent issues. Most people have no idea that I don't work the Wednesday.

If there are things that have to happen on that day I swap my day off for another day. I make sure I am very productive and flexible to my employers. In fact I do more than I am contracted to do because of the flexibility I am given.

I work from home as much as I can and this means I can do the odd load of washing and play with my son, who is cared for at home.

I never mix work and childcare, this is something I would never, ever do.

I feel very happy working full time and I cherish the time I have with my son.

I also find it helps to have quite low standards with regard to household cleaning and I've given up the gym membership for now. I just don't have time.

You do have to be VERY organised and make the most of any time saving devices you can find.

In short, I enjoy it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

i work ft too and have a 15 month old ds, my work is also an hour commute which can be tiring, i work one day a week from home but on that day my ds still goes to nursery only we dont have the rush of the other days and we can lie in bed for a while giggling and i can pick him up early.
I have to work ft as i am a single parent, i would love to be able to work pt and spend more time with my ds but dont think i could give up work completely, because i do enjoy my job and the time it gives me to myself without having to worry about feeds/changing nappies.
Having a routine is essential otherwise it all goes to pot and if im not organised then nothing ever gets done so my week is very strict, weekends however are for chilling and doing fun stuff and i must admit, because i spend so much time away from ds, i savour every moment im with him which makes me appricate being a mum so much more.

i have three teenagers and itis extremely difficult - i hope your dh takes his new role seriously - or it could be marriage breaking.

i mean for me there is no choice - its all about money.

but had i a choice - i would certainly choose 3 days a week

i'd chose 3 days/week.

especially if you like anything resembling a clean house.

my husband was a brill SAHD, but let's face it, men don't bother trying to juggle housework with childcare.

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Thank you everyone. I do agree with those of you who say having the choice of 3 days they would go for it, but financially i don't really have the choice. Things are not going well in my dp's line of work and it will be difficult to keep up the salary he currently has. Whereas i would love to start my career path in the line of work this job has come up and it would match the salary dp normally brings in. So it seems the very logical solution otherwise 2 or 3 years down the line we will find us in big problems with money. Basically i think this job is what i've always dreamed of doing once my children were at school, but as the opportunity has arisen earlier i feel like i should grab it while i can.

Cleaner sounds like a good idea - although then i feel like why i havn't i had one all the time i've been a sahm?

Dp promises he will do the housework, washing etc. And i'm confident that once he's left to his own devises with that stuff he will fall into a routine just like i have. Currently it is mostly left to me, but when dp is around he tries - its just difficult when its 'my' routine and he tries to fit in, whereas roles reversed it will be 'his' routine. Am i waffling now?

I've made it look like he has a big salary but i'm not - i'm talking about bringing home just enough to live on with few luxuries!

I went back to work full time for 6 mths when DD1 was little so DH could have a breather and find a job he liked and would stay in. I hated it tbh, but it wasn't really what I wanted to do. In a job I loved it would be okay I think. I must say tho that DH was more organised than I was with the housework, tho there were somethings that for some reason he refused to do like hte bathroom, and laundry was often half finished. But otherwise he was ok. He didn't really go oout much tho, she was only 8 mths old at the time, but he did get a bit of PND (seriously) cos he did n't go out. So make sure he has places to go and a list of things to do with the lo.

Grab the opportunity, give yourself 6 mths to decide if you like it and remember NOTHING IS PERMANENT (except children and tattoo's)

dh and I both work FT OTH. I would work 3 days a week given a choice, but finances have meant that until very recently we haven't been able to afford it

Nursery fees are a killer and we are all knackered by the end of the week

Hattie, if your dh is home with your dc's for part of the week then that will make things easier for you. I have to fit in the nursery run around my job and that makes the day very long.

My house isn't a hellpit but it isn't all that clean either. I try to do as much as I can during the week so that weekends are left free.

I agree with Custy, but I think teenagers create a lot more work than little ones. Just the size of them, e.g washing, food etc.

It is like catering for an army, and of course all their clothes are adult size.

When you have LO,s you think they take a lot of time, but teenagers are worse then toddlers, they scatter stuff everywhere, including, dirty dishes, crumbs, bits of homweork, socks, shoes, ALL in adult proprtions

Shopping has to be delivered as trolley is too heavy to push round supermarket

I work full-time now - my youngest is 5 so in full-time school. I have an aupair to take the younger 3 to and from school and do a bit of work around the house. My older kids are fairly self-sufficient.

The hardest thing is being too tired to do much more than cook when you get home. This means that other stuff gets shoved into the weekend. I think the key thing is to get the other members of the household to do as much as they are able to, rather leaving it all to you. Kids can do a lot more than we sometimes give them credit for.

As for hours, I would always prefer to work fulltime. I think you can really lose out at work by being part-time - obviously depends on the job. At home, I was really frittering away my time and not really achieving much, so I didn't lose out on that side of life when I went back to work. I am a teacher, and get 19 weeks holiday a year, so I feel that I get the best of both worlds.

'It is like catering for an army, and of course all their clothes are adult size.

When you have LO,s you think they take a lot of time, but teenagers are worse then toddlers, they scatter stuff everywhere, including, dirty dishes, crumbs, bits of homweork, socks, shoes, ALL in adult proprtions '

Do your teens not pick up after themselves or help to prepare food for the family?

This was the norm in our house.

And not a choice.

Either you did it or your priviledges were revoked.

Didn't like it and try to rebel?

My dad wouldn't have hesitated to take matters into his own hands in that respect.

As for homework, he didn't police us.

As he said, 'I've already been to school. You wnat to fail out and be a loser? Be my guest, but you're out of here the day you turn 18 (young people are minors in the US until they are 18).

If the job excites you, then go for it.There are many ways of making things easier and I'm sure the board will have lots of practical tips for you. Things don't always come along when they "should." I imagine the change will be breathless and a bit hard at first but hopefully exhilarating and rewarding over all. Thousands of women do it and make a very good job of everything. Good luck to you.

Yes, of course they do, but DD who is 13 is 5ft 11", and has been about as tall as this since 12, which is too young to do his own washing imo

Of course they do stuff, but when you are cooking for them all, it is MAMMOTH proportions!

But even when they do stuff, they still scatter "stuff" everywhere, no matter how much you get on at them,eg shoes, coats, bags etc, and it is the constant hounding which is part of the reason why they are harder work than toddlers

I have worked f/t since DS was 4 months old.

I am lucky as I can work flexibly, so have managed to fit in nativity plays etc.

Don't think twice about things like helping out at school - put all your focus into maximising time around your girls' routines. You know they will be fine with their Dad, the two of you are treating the whole family / work package as a team, which is good - and if at any time you need help in whatever form, (e.g cleaner) then take it if you can. If your DH was workoing and doing some housework at w/e when you were p/t, then you might want to shed your share of the housework and prioritise child-time instead.

I have a15month ds and went back to work ft when he was 8 months old. TBH I think I do miss out a bit but I enjoy the weekends and holidays with him so much more because of it.

I have worked full time since my youngest was three months, including a couple of years when dh worked part time, and then when he stopped work for a year. I think it is really good for children to have the experience of being cared for by both parents - dd in particulr remembers her "Daddy days" with much fondness. As a working mum it has been really important to feel that my work is important (to me and more generally) because it is frustrating to feel that you are wasting time when you could be having fun with your children. Otherwise I'd say go for it, and see if you can get some flexible working included in the set up, so that you can occasionally be there for things that are important to you/your children.

My boys have been doing their own laundry since they were 10. It's not rocket science and easy for them to manage - put the dirty washing in the maching, add the detergent, turn it on to the agreed programme; then put it in the drier.

I don't expect them to iron their clothes, but they can wash and dry.

Well, I obviously know nothing about teenagers, despite living with 3 and teaching them for 12 years.

Teenagers are inherently lazy, tis the nature of the beast. If you don't beleive me, look on the teenage threads.

I'm not saying it is easy to get them to do their laundry. They still have to be nagged

my 13-year-old niece is also 5ft., 11in. she's been doing her own washing since she was 10 as well. her height has never impaired her in this.

she has to be nagged, but it's better her not doing it.

I have a 1 year old and I work full time.
On the whole it is positive, though I do find myself pondering on the meaning of life more than I used to (why am i sitting here working when someone else is raising my daughter).
My key is being super-organised. Using weekends to stock the freezer full of food so that I can just reheat meals (for my DD and for us) during the week. Online grocery shopping. Choosing clothes the night before.
And not judging your DH when he doesn't do things your way, if his way is good enough.

Hi everyone, thanks for your thoughts! Its good to hear from mums who are working f/t as i think my nerves are attributed to the fact i don't know any working mums who are fulltime and it feels like a scary step.

Fizzbuzz thanks but i've got a while before i need to read the teenage boards! I think i'll take one step at a time