Has having a baby ruined your career?

[Wineandshine]

Just that really, I have worked really hard at establishing myself in my chosen field, which started at age 14 with my chosen GSCE subjects. I spent many hours working my way up, sitting exams, working nights, weekends, sacrificing seeing family and friends and finally thought I had reached a point in my career where I felt stable but still had lots to learn but could start a family. Since announcing my pregnancy I was overlooked, all my ideas and suggestions ignored, my projects given to other people and then the cherry on the cake is that I am now being made redundant. It’s not a profession where redundancy happens easily and COVID is being used as an excuse. The only possible job in my field is at a highly competitive institution and having applied I am yet to hear anything back after a week. I could take a job in a similar field but feel I have worked so hard to get to this point and I hate how women are suddenly overlooked because of wanting to start a family and how in my field many women have sacrificed the chance of a family and a partner to remain in this profession. I’m just wanting to hear positive stories of how having a family hasn’t made you sacrifice everything you worked for? I’m not young either, if I had of had a baby before this point it would have been highly unlikely I would have advanced this far due to the competitive and intense nature of my field. So please tell me this is meant to be!

It's made me settle for a lower level job until I have both time and energy to get a more senior role. It's frustrating but the reality is I can't do everything and be everywhere all at once and my children will be young for a short time.

My DS is almost 2 now and I'd say having him has had no real impact on my career. That said, I think that's at least partly because I came back to work full time when he was 8 months old and I have no plans to have any more children.

Having a baby could have ruined my career if I hadn't worked for years for "no" money ie. childcare was more than my take-home, but now my kids are back to school it's been worth it completely to keep my career going. It was (and continues to be) bloody hard work so I can see why many women who don't earn as much, have the support network, have able NT kids, or a DH that pulls his weight can really be penalised. I am v v v lucky to have all those things and I recognise that.

Your situation sounds like pretty straightforward discrimination on the basis of pregnancy though? I would be getting in touch with an employment lawyer and/or Pregnant Then Screwed ASAP.

TBH, I chose a career where I figured it wouldn't be an issue - fairly female-led and low-pressure. In my case I don't think I was cut out for a high pressure, competitive field so it wouldn't have happened anyway, but sadly, and totally unfairly, there are still so many areas where motherhood (not fatherhood, grrr) is just not allowed to be compatible with career progression. I get that parenting takes time away from work, but it doesn't take away brains, skill and experience and, as you say, there is no excuse for being ignored, passed over etc.

I do think it will take more men stepping up to the plate and taking leave, going pt and so on to change things.

Very sorry that’s happening to you.

Suggest applying for roles of equivalent seniority and considering moving locations if that’d help.

Yes, having DC had a big negative impact on my working life, and I work in a fairly ‘family friendly’ field with a relatively high proportion of senior women. In retrospect working PT for several years, and being the parent to do more parenting/domestic work (still) was a big factor. DC are now late primary / secondary age.

I’ve worked damn hard to build a career and I was at the peak of it pre children. I wouldn’t say that having kids has ruined my career. I’m currently taking a step back from the higher pressure roles I did before, to spend time with the kids, but that’s my choice. I will bounce right back I know. I also know I’m a more rounded person now and might well make a better leader, I have more life experience since having children and more empathy and balance so hopefully I’ll be back and better.

@coronafiona

It's made me settle for a lower level job until I have both time and energy to get a more senior role. It's frustrating but the reality is I can't do everything and be everywhere all at once and my children will be young for a short time.

This is what I am doing currently. Staying in a lower grade post that is less demanding and allows p/t working.

Everyone will have different experiences depending on their field or team but I'm finding it a bit odd to be honest. Im highly experienced but I feel a lot like the team ghost. Ive also noticed that our graduates and younger members of the team who I didn't know pre mat leave are a bit dismissive and patronising of me. Its definitely affected my confidence at work, especially as they get all the interesting/higher profile projects as they're there full time to deal with them.

I do think that if I were to stay p/t for more than a year or two, or were to have more than one child then my career/ability to progress would effectively die a death in my current team. Realistically I feel it's been tolerated for a short time but that good will is on the timer.

I have three dc and took a year off with each one. My career did not progress at all from the moment I announced my first pregnancy. In fact, I think it regressed... on returning from my last mat leave I was offered a role I'd declined 10 years previously.

Anyway, I left that job when my youngest was 3 and got a new job elsewhere which is quite a step up from my old job and a year on, I'm in line for a promotion. I feel like I've more or less caught up on where I should have been, it just took me 8 years longer than it would have done if I hadn't had children.

My dh's career progressed rapidly during the time mine stagnated but he's plateauing now and he doesn't think he'll progress any further.

I'm very happy with my current role and career prospects. I was very angry and bitter about my career but now it's recovered I look back and I'm quite grateful for the quiet, no progress years, it meant I could spend more time with the children and I never felt stressed or took work home. I feel very fortunate overall.

Thank you all for your comments, it’s just a little soul destroying, my field is already very male dominated and each year more gets added to the role to progress. It’s not one you can step out of and then return too as it’s a constantly changing. I’m also not sure that part time is an option as despite working for an organisation that insists it’s family friendly the nature of the job means you can’t predict the day. If I was to work in a similar role but still keep my occupation I would have to start at the very beginning again of a training programme so really my only option is to try and get the one job in my specialty. I moved to this area to specialise anyway and moving again is not an option. I’m just not sure I can bare the idea that my career is over ..... just as it was starting

Yup. It gets worse with each child (sorry). My old workplace (highly competitive highly paid specialist etc) has a track record of "restructuring" the roles of mums on their 2nd mat leave. The attitude is that 1 kid is ok (if you don't talk about them) but to go and have another shows a lack of commitment.

Guess what happened to me? And 3 of my former colleagues?

Yes, we got good packages but there is a pretty low max you'd get at tribunal so it will never be much over that that they offer with a compromise agreement.

Now working, PT, for a charity. I miss the £ but the appreciation is there.