Unsure how to plan career with a new baby

[ProjectBaby87]

Hi, I'm due to give birth in March (all things going well). I've noticed that I've started to get really anxious about what to do work wise when/if I go back. We will have no support where we live so I would need to go back part time if at all. I am very fortunate in that we can afford for me to stay at home but not sure if that is best for baby/me. I appreciate advice would likely be to see how it actually goes and stop worrying so much but as an anxious type A I'm really struggling with that. I watched my Mum struggle to get back into work after having time away and I just don't want to be in the same position.

If anyone has any advice or experience I'd be very grateful to hear from you.

What I'm going to say is really unhelpful but it's very hard to know how you will feel. I read threads where women were desperate to start working again and others where they have sleepless nights over it.

Will your baby be going to nursery? How many hours will it be for?

No, you're absolutely right. I'm such a planner and I can't plan for this so it's hard.

I would like them to go to nursery at least part of the week. I know we will get at least 15 hours but ideally 2-3 days.

do you have a career where you are aiming to be promoted & move ahead quickly, or one where it doesn't matter if you work part-time for a few years etc?

plan what you need in terms of your job & career advancement, and then put baby in nursery for enough hours to achieve that.

Could you and dh both take a hit on a day a week, either by dropping to 4 days each or condensing ft hours into 4 days? Then you each have a separate day home with the baby plus 3 days at nursery.

I went back ft with mine and used a Childminder with dh and I sharing drop offs/pick ups.

Looking back it was hard but it's for such a short time that now, I'm happy I was able to remain ft. Stepping out of work all together wouldn't have suited me at all, b7t I know everyone is different.

I'm glad I went back to work- DD gets so much out of nursery, especially so with lockdowns and things being closed I've been so grateful that she could still go and do social things and play with others. Part time is a great compromise if you can, I think I'm a better mum to her because I get to be 'the old me' for a while and I enjoy my time with her whereas by the end of my mat leave it was all getting a bit Groundhog Day and I didn't like that I felt like that about what was actually a lovely time!

I honestly wouldn't be stressing about this right now
Like a previous poster said, you have no idea how you're going to feel and first babies really do turn your world upside down!
Put it to the back of your mind for 9 months :)

Can I ask what you mean by no support meaning you need to go part time? We have no help with childcare but I work full time, we just pay for the childcare. It was a bit of an adjustment at first but she's thriving now. Is it that you have hours that can't be covered, or is it too expensive?

I would be wary of coasting for a few years if its instead possible to do some career advancement, in my experience there's actually greater flexibility the more senior you get, but equally if you're in a career that doesn't lend itself to advancement/are unlikely to suffer staying at the level you're at for a few years that's different.

@parietal I'm a manager at the moment and don't see huge amounts of progression over the next few years, but would be happy to keep ticking over. I think you've probably hit the nail on the head in terms of I'm not sure where I want to go with it and so that why I'm so unsure of the next few steps.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz there's not a chance tbh. Not that he wouldn't want to but his company are notoriously inflexible and I just know that would be a hard no. But a good idea though!

Sounds daft as I've been pregnant a while but really it's only just kicking in with the practicalities of it all!

tyrannosaurustrip more from a financial aspect. I don't want to work full time to hand it all over to someone else. I earn a decent living but I would be loathed to spend it all on childcare.

I agree with with regards to career advancement. I wonder if that's possible part time? Might sound like a daft question but I've never seen it done.

Are you married?

I don't really have a career where promotion is an opportunity but however much I would like to be a SAHM I realise that losing out on paying into my private pension isn't worth it. I'm only in my mid 30s and I feel that my retirement is something I really need to protect.

You're due in March. I know it's hard for you to do this, but don't worry about it now.

You have no idea how you'll feel once baby is here or what the situation might be like then.

One thing I would do though is book into a nursery now. Some have long waiting lists. Book in for full time (it's the same reservation fee) and you can always amend the days later. It's much easier to reduce days than add days though.

Yes I am @AnotherEmma.

mummatobeat33 I also feel the same.

It's very tricky, I feel like I need hypo to calm me down! :)

You wouldn't be handing it all over though surely? Childcare should come out of the joint account, not just yours. It's his child too!

FWIW, i went back full time at 3 months. DH took shared parental leave and then went part time, DD is in nursery 3 days a week.

You don't say whether or not you're married. If not, you must not give up your job without a marriage certificate.

That's great advice Twizbe thanks.

OK so as you're married you have more security if you stop or reduce work.
As everyone else says, wait and see how you feel when baby is here, but reserve a nursery place anyway, you can always cancel it and all you'll lose it the reservation fee/deposit.
You talk about spending all your salary on childcare. That is unlikely to be the case. You can use the tax free childcare scheme which helps with the costs. Low earners can get more help with childcare costs via Universal Credit (childcare element).
FWIW DH and I find that working part time is the best of both worlds (at least until DC is 3-4) but see how you feel, some prefer being a SAHP and some prefer working full time.

Thanks @AnotherEmma, that's really sensible advice :)

You're welcome.
Also, I got a promotion while working part-time, but my employer is very part-time friendly, I think we have more part-timers than full-timers.

I agree since you don’t know now, it’s best to see how you feel and follow your head and heart after baby arrives.
I chose to stay in work full time. It was stop work on their due date, have them, and then back to work 12wks after their due date. They all went full time to nursery. Yes it was expensive but my career progression more than covered it.
You do have to be careful taking a lot of time off work because it results in losing ground in your career and if you take years off can completely derail some careers (ones that depend on technical currency). I specifically chose 12 weeks per child because that’s about the longest a person takes off for major surgery- so I allowed myself extra time in case of C-section or if the baby needed intensive care. Being slightly less than 3 months is also more manageable in terms of work accommodating the absence. It’s easier to check in now and then with a newborn, keep up with events, and then pick up where you left off.

I was worried about the cost of childcare but DD goes full time and with tax free childcare it costs us about £350 each per month (we pay half into the account direct, each) which I know is a lot still BUT has enabled me to keep my earning power and career progression going. And it's only going to get cheaper 😂 eventually!
We are trying for number two so it's possible I will have to go part time until they both have some sort of funding but even then it may not be the case and going back full time with one child means the idea of going part time with two isn't so daunting if you see what I mean.

I think of the childcare costs as a long-term investment. If you keep working you are paying into a pension and you don’t have to worry about finding work again after time out.

It’s ‘only’ the first three years that cost a lot, the term after their third birthday their free nursery hours kick in.

I went back to work full time - I was bored out of my mind on mat leave.

Have you read 'Lean In"? It's a bit problematic at times, but there are some good points on childcare being an investment in your career.

It's certainly a good way of thinking about it.

I have been meaning to try that book!