Experiences of both parents going PT?

[AtomicSquash]

My DS is due to start nursery beginning of next year as I am going back to work after mat leave. We want him to go to nursery 3 days a week but we can't decide whether I should go back to work 3 days a week with me looking after him the other two days. Or to go back 4 days a week and have DH also go down to 4 days so he can look after him the other day.
Both our job are quite flexible so it isn't an issue going part-time but I wanted to ask if anyone has any experiences or advice on both parents going down to 4 days a week as I don't know anyone else who does this. Are they any disadvantages to this approach? Likewise are there any particular advantages you have experienced. Thankyou in advance.

We do it. We both work 3 days pw but at times one or other has worked 4 days.
Only advantages for us.
We have one day pw atm where both parents work and inevitably it’s the only day of the week they are ever off sick 🤣

I think it's a great idea, we have done versions of this. It helps if you can be flexible on the days worked to cover unexpected matters.

Just be aware if you work 4 days then often you end up squeezing a full time 5 day job into 4 days. Not a a reason not to do it as It does sound lovely but just start on 4 days as you mean to go. If they’re flexible, maybe you can try both working 4 days and see how it works out.

We do it, both 4 days a week. Have done since DH went back to work after being SAHP for a while, and I was sole earner. Works great. Having him at home was amazing for my career, but we're both happier with the shorter week. Pre covid once we got the 30 hours funding we were able to each have half a day off work and child free, will get that again when youngest starts school next year and I'm so looking forward to it! (We don't do it now as we're trying to minimize the number of days of nursery to lower risk of having to isolate.)

We do this! I’d highly recommend it. It means that we both work the equivalent of 4 days per week. When the kids were little we only used 3 days of nursery per week.

Now they are at school, we both work 3 full days and two half days each. Meant that we only needed one day per week of after school care.

It’s been great as we both get to progress our careers and see the kids. Also feels more equitable sharing the load in this way. I wouldn’t want to do it another way, except if I won the lottery and no longer had to work...

@OfficialLurker

Just be aware if you work 4 days then often you end up squeezing a full time 5 day job into 4 days. Not a a reason not to do it as It does sound lovely but just start on 4 days as you mean to go. If they’re flexible, maybe you can try both working 4 days and see how it works out.

I should've said something about that too! It's been fine for DH because he's always been 4 days at his current employer, but I have had to fight hard (sometimes with myself!) to keep the workload contained and not be contactable all the time, especially as I manage others. My own manager is point of contact for my team on my day off and that's working well.

I work 4 full days and some evenings. Dh works 5 short days and is home at 3. The children benefit from this set up. I enjoy the day alone with the baby.
But I would mention DH comes in from work and tends to play and relax until dinner, whereas my day off is mostly housekeeping. Start as you mean to go on because I find this habit difficult to change and find that a lot of the housekeeping is saved for my day off.

It is very hard work, because you are almost full time. But it means you can keep 2 careers going meaningfully rather than one of you taking a major step back.

We did similar, and I'd definitely recommend it. It means you are both equally responsible for childcare, and both take a similar hit to your careers. It seems like the only truly fair way of doing it to me.

Thank you all for the responses, really helpful. Trying to avoid being seen as the default caregiver is definitely appealing and a good example to set for DS too I think.

Those who warned about the difficulty of ensuring you don't end working 5 days in 4. Can I ask whether you think that would equally be the case when going down to 3 days a week. Or is 4 days a week a particularly tricky one balance?

I've done both, and 3 days was by far the harder for me. This was back when we only had one child and he was struggling at nursery (later diagnosed ASD), so I went from 4 to 3. I found I could work efficiently enough to get about 95% of a 5 day week done in 4, after improving my time management skills. But when I dropped further to 3, it felt like everyone assumed I was still doing 3 days. I gave it up after 3 months trial as by then DS was doing better at nursery.

If you're in a post where you direct your own workload to a large extent, be careful you aren't your own worst enemy. I let my responsibilities creep up to the extent that I had a breakdown a year ago and had to go off sick for six weeks. I came back with support and it's been fine since, but I make sure I talk regularly with a couple of trusted co-workers who tell me if I'm starting to go down that path again. My boss is also incredibly supportive, which you may need if you have to push back on demands.

Thanks MShip, I am very much responsible for my own workload and prior to going on mat leave I often worked well over my hours to get stuff done and to compensate for poor time management. Think I am going to have to be really careful whatever we do.
Im sorry that you had to go through a breakdown, that sounds really tough. Glad to hear you've got support in place now.

Dh and I both work 3 days a week, my parents have DD on day we both work.
We LOVE it.
Life is so chill, we both are equal partners in childcare and house maintenance, enjoy work while we're there, enjoy family time when we're not.
Highly recommend.