Anxiety levels sky high due to colleague in another team!

[zanderpanda]

Hi Mumsnet
I'm looking for a hand hold/some reassurance or something. I'm feeling so rubbish! I'm hiding in the kitchen as don't want to even look at my laptop screen! I can't stop crying.
Have worked for a charity that supports vulnerable adults for several years. Got a new role within the charity about 6 months ago & have been working solidly on a piece of work that will enable some of our clients to have a much better quality of life. It's finally come together & there have been some hugely positive outcomes for the clients we help.
My self confidence is low at the best of times & this has made me feel quite happy & proud of myself.
We work closely with another organisation & today i received an email from someone within that organisation who's basically saying that everything about what I have created is not going to work (but it already is!?)
They've shouted at me down the phone, emailed my manager demanding a meeting & told a colleague that I had no right to create this new project. It was all signed off & the feedback our organisation has received from clients has been amazing!
I had to work with with the person in question on another project briefly a couple of years ago and they were constantly rude & unhelpful.
I have no idea why they need to be like this - im taking it so personally & feel terrified to look at my inbox in case there's more unpleasantness.
I'm even starting to think my project is actually rubbish!!!!!!! :(

What a horribly bitter and jealous person to behave like this. Have you forwarded their email to your manager, dont answer their phone calls, your manager needs to support you and deal with this on your behalf. Dont let the bully put you down or make you feel bad. Your clients are happy. Your manager is happy. You have worked hard so please be proud of what youve achieved. .

Thanks @MrsTwitcher

Your reply has helped loads.
I feel like a massive failure & don't want that to come across when I speak to my manager but can't imagine being able to talk about it without crying.
I've been loving my job. Now I don't even want to think about it.

You are not a failure. Try not to worry. These things always seem to work themselves out. This person is not worth your energy.

Who is this person, are they a stakeholder?

I wouldn't accept any shouting or rudeness from them - shut it down now.

I would send a brief, non emotional reply, copying in your manager;

Dear Twat

Thank you for your thoughts; the feedback from our clients has been overwhelmingly positive, and we are already seeing improvements in X and Y area.

Kind regards

Zander

Do not doubt yourself, justify the project or pander to their demands. You are a professional who deserves to be treated like one, and you haven't got time for drama.

You can deal with this. Don't be afraid of your inbox, it's just words.

@PerpendicularVincent your reply just made me cry. In a good way.
(Wish I could actually write 'dear Twat')

@PerpendicularVincent they are not a stakeholder. They are someone who has been in the job way too long & seems to be void of empathy, professionalism & possibly a heart.

Email your manager ..

Dear manager,

I am aware that Mr BigNose has emailed requesting a meeting to discuss project X and I wanted to make you aware that he has also contacted John Smith and told him that this project was unauthorised. He sent me an email which I have forwarded to you and called me to shout down the phone at me.

As you know, this project was signed off (details attached) and so far has received very positive feedback from our service users (also attached).

While I do not see that we should have to explain my work to Mr BigNose or to defend what is clearly a successful project that will have significant positive benefit to our service users, if there is anything else you need me to provide to you in advance of your meeting with him, please do let me know.

I would however like to add that in light of his behaviour on the phone, I have no wish to defend this to him personally.

I hope you're ok today zander. It sounds like you're doing a good job, so have faith in that.

If this person isn't a stakeholder then to be honest, I'd completely disregard their tantrums and unpleasantness. How dare they shout at you!

Get angry, not upset

Thanks @ChateauMargaux

Communication from the person has slowed down but I still feel really affected by it all. It's just so unnecessary 😳

They are a bully. I’ve been in your position before. There are some real shits out there, my advice is to stand your ground and email them and explain the project was fully signed off and received positive feedback. It’s not their project so they don’t get to have a say. Honestly people can be so nasty. I understand that you feel rubbish - my bullies ruined my time outside of work - I couldn’t enjoy time with my family because I kept thinking about the situation at work. My manager was one of the bullies so it would never have got better but a decent manager will have your back on this. Don’t let them get to you. Make a formal complaint if it continues. They have the problem not you.

In fact it sounds like they are jealous.

What aspects of the project do they have an issue with?

Oh I had this early in my career. Some people just dislike people helping service users. He's dirt under your shoe. What a scumbag.

Did you speak to your manager? Were they supportive? I hope this issue has now been fully dealt with by one of your seniors telling the obnoxious colleague where to go.