Unsupportive manager insisting they are my “friend”

[MsAnnFrope]

I am off work with severe and anxiety and depression. I have been ill in the past but this is the first time it is work related. My line manager is a major cause of my issues but is still insisting that we are friends and asking if they can help. The last straw was when they wrote an occ health referral which contained actual lies about my work history.

How do I challenge someone who is like this? I’m on the verge of resigning due to the stress of it all.

If you're in a union use them or get a no win no fee employment lawyer. At the very least ring ACAS.

Thanks. I’m stupidly not in a union but I’ll look at acas. Mediation has been suggested.

Do you have an HR department?

Yes it’s a big company - I’m just concerned that HR will be more interested in supporting line manager not me as they have been there longer!

I think if you were to say to HR that it would help you if manager isn't in contact with you. That's a reasonable request and doesn't mean then completely taking sides.

I could have written this exact post except I was in a union, raised a formal grievance, then appeal, then tribunal claim. Don't rely on HR, they are not your friends either.

I had this - she called every day and in the end my husband acted as the telephone gatekeeper and she stopped. If she hadn’t I would have emailed HR to deal with it. I think it was genuine concern but she didn’t realise she was a major part of the problem. Best of luck with it - it will pass. Put the occ health issue in writing ASAP though.

@throwingawaymyshot do you mind if I ask whether you stayed with this employer? I’m buggered if I’m going to let this person wreck my career but god I want to resign!

I’ve escalated the occ health issue to HR but I’m wishing I was in the union now?

this week was my first week back after sick leave and furlough - long time - and already problems are happening again but its just my mental health making me think this way apparently

Yup my mental health issues have been thrown in my face a couple of times too! I hope your situation improves.
It’s a crap time to job hunt but two jobs in my field have come up local to me and I’m thinking of applying but my confidence is shot to shit...

I've learned the hard way that a line manager is never a friend. There may be the odd exception to this rule but the power imbalance generally precludes true friendship.
I work in HR and whilst its true to say HR is there for the employer, so not your 'friend' they can at least ensure that due process is followed and if your manager is doing anything dodgy they'll be on it if only to avoid any legal probs for the company.

Thanks Clouds. I agree. I’m friends with staff at a higher grade than me but they don’t manage me.
HR have been very “proper” ie taking my concerns seriously and escalating them but not actually saying anyone is in the wrong which I think is par for the course.

What has your manager done exactly ?

Just a note- don't ever trust HR. They will lie, twist and turn just as much as your manager.

@Wales34 why? Broadly they have acted inappropriately bordering on illegally

By doing what illegally?

Breaking employment law.

Have you taken legal advice OP? I'd be wary of coming to any conclusion yourself as to whether they've broken employment law.

You need someone to consider your description of the circumstances and their actions objectively, as you will only see it from one point of view - your own.

[quote MsAnnFrope]@Wales34 why? Broadly they have acted inappropriately bordering on illegally[/quote]
Wasn't trying to cause any offence it was a genuine question , so I could try and offer some advice about best way to get resolved. Best of luck

Sorry @Wales34 I was being a bit paranoid there! I know people from work are on here and the exact details are quite outing! Thank you anyway

@MsAnnFrope

Sorry *@Wales34* I was being a bit paranoid there! I know people from work are on here and the exact details are quite outing! Thank you anyway

No problem . Completely understandable

I would start job hunting and just hold onto the job until I found a new one. If it is a big company there may be other options within the company for you, even if you have to retrain slightly.

You mention they are "bordering on illegal". That is how managers and HR bully staff. They know the law better than you and are usually careful to stay within it.

The effectiveness of a union depends on how much of your workplace and profession in general is unionised.

Good luck and stay strong!

@MsAnnFrope

Yup my mental health issues have been thrown in my face a couple of times too! I hope your situation improves. It’s a crap time to job hunt but two jobs in my field have come up local to me and I’m thinking of applying but my confidence is shot to shit...

Apply. The way you are feeling is normal. You will do better in a new job with a fresh start.

Thanks @TrailingLobelias I needed that boost! I didn’t apply for the jobs in the end but I am pushing for an internal move and I think I’ll get it as HR have realised that the LM and big boss have gone totally against company policy, and it’s a very “reputation is everything company”!

If you feel they've broken employment law, and I assume you mean they have discriminated against you on grounds of mental health, then it may be worth contacting ACAS and seeing if they can help, possibly with early conciliation. It may mean ultimately you have a managed exit, receiving a settlement to leave.

I am not in any way condoning their actions but if you're that unhappy there, it may be the best thing for you in the longer term. Once a line manager relationship breaks down, it makes everything else that bit more difficult.