Signing off sick with anxiety - what to say to manager?

[KangaRooMama]

I recently returned to work after maternity, and have been finding things a bit of a struggle. It's not the work itself - I actually quite enjoy it - but more the treatment by management. I am working from home but feel that I am questioned constantly about what I am doing, what hours I am working, what is on my calendar etc.
I feel that there is no rhyme or reason to this as all my work/admin is up to date and I am getting really good feedback from my clients. I am feeling like I am particularly targeted as I have spoken to other colleagues who have the same manager and they are not questioned in the same way as I am.
I had issues with this manager before I went off on maternity leave, so there is history there (too long to post the details on here), but I was hoping that when I came back from mat leave it would be water under the bridge and we could start afresh, but it's just the same.
It all got to me a bit last week, (and I'm also feeling quite isolated) and I ended up texting my manager to say I was sick for 3 days (I had genuinely been sick, but I think it was a bit psychosomatic)
I was hoping a few days off would give me the time to feel better but when I think about going back to work tomorrow it's giving me such anxiety.
I just turned on my work phone (madness I know!) and saw an email from my manager saying that I need to ring in sick (not text) and actually speak to her, and I also need to tell her what's wrong with me as she needs to know for the system.
I really don't know what to say to her, as it's difficult enough for me to say I have anxiety, let alone tell her that she is the one causing it! I'm kinda feeling it would be easier to just go back rather than have to do that but then I'll just be in the same situation a few weeks from now.
Any advice? Please be kind!

I know it hard but I would be honest ,explain that you feel like you are being monitored but don't understand why etc etc

I agree with Wales34 I think she needs to know how you feel. Alternatively do you have a HR department you could talk to? You are being unfairly treated and this is just not right.

There is an HR department but when we ring in sick we are meant to do it to our own manager.

They mean speak to HR about the whole situation, not when phoning in sick

@Letshavesometea fair enough, but my OP was asking what to say when calling in sick to my manager.

Pp make good points, phoning in sick is avoiding not resolving the problem, it will still be there when you go back. You need to speak to your line manager or hr about it.

I'd say she is being a bit of a bully singling you out by treating you differently from the rest. Take a couple of weeks off. Tell her the reason will be on your sick note. And not to contact you again while you are off. And I'd go and see HR about her.

Morning OP,

Maybe just say you’ve had a sickness bug to the manager. This would then give you chance to speak to HR about her behaviour and let them know it is causing you anxiety and stress and hopefully they will be supportive.
If you haven’t already, make a log of all the instances where she is bullying you and questioning you. Report this to HR with the history of problems going back to before maternity leave.

Alternatively if you don’t want to go down this route. Could you ask to change teams?

I hope things get better for you soon OP.

Also, have you seen this thread? It might help to know another poster is experiencing similar behaviour from their manager.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/3981869-Being-bullied-working-from-home

I think addressing the issue in a reasonable way might reduce any anxiety. Taking time off sick and not addressing it is more likely to increase stress through lack of resolution.

The manager might well feel they are being supportive not controlling. A conversation is called for. Tell your manager the truth. Lying never ends well.

@Whatsthefuss thank you for that link. Made me feel a bit better as although my manager is bad she is not as bad as that! But definitely some similarities. When I first came back she wanted me to put my work hours on my calendar plus any meetings/appointments with clients etc. (Which is fair enough) but then she started questioning what I was doing at other times so I had to put everything on my calendar (eg 10-11 admin for "client name", 11-11.30 update system) but other staff she manages don't have to do this. One of them just puts "work" with no detail as to what she is doing, and another has days when there is nothing on her calendar at all! Everyone else she manages has gaps in their calendar but they are not questioned and it almost feels like they are trusted and I am not. I have no idea why as like I said, all my work is up to date.

I personally think it is premature to go to HR, do you have regular 1-1s with your manager, if so I would bring up how you feel about the monitoring of your work day.

Without hearing the other side of the story I am not going to jump to bullying accusations. The manager is presumably adjusting to managing remotely and it is reasonable for them to want to know what the team are working on. It could be you are more sensitive about being asked and also I don’t think “being up to date” is good enough, perhaps the manager suspects that you have unutilised capacity and if so it is reasonable to want to find out if that is the case or not.

In my working life, I have found most managers expect a phone call when an employee is taking time of sick and in some places it is company policy to do so. I don’t think you are helping yourself with taking time off sick to avoid a manager and doing it in that way too.

Start with a conversation with your manager.

You just say you are signed off sick. When she asks what is wrong, you just say it is personal and you will inform HR directly. She does not have the right to your personal information and is on dodgy ground by implying she does!

@CherryPavlova

Yes you are right, it does need addressing, but the trouble is I'm so non-confrontational, and I'm finding it so hard to find the words to say to her that the source of my anxiety is her! And like I said, when we ring in sick we do so to our own manager and if I ring her this morning she's going to ask what the problem is and I literally don't know what to say. A PP said to just say I am sick, which could be true (I feel sick now!) but if the GP signs me off for anxiety my manager is gonna know I was lying. Which could cause problems in the future.

@Florencex
I agree with what you are saying, and if everyone she manages was held to the same expectations then that would be altogether different. The trouble is due to previous issues with her, I feel like I don't have a good rapport with her and find it really difficult to talk to her, particularly about a problem. If I've got an issue I'm much more likely to go to a colleague for advice/support, and only talk to my manager if I have to.

@30mph that's the bit I wasn't sure about. If she is allowed to ask me why I am off sick? The email definitely asks me to tell her what I have had, so she can update the online system correctly.

The email is from your manager, not HR itself, correct? Then you reply that you are unwell and will be seeing your GP (if this is the case) and will update HR directly. Copy HR in.

If she persists, then say that this is your personal data and you will communicate with HR personally. Copy HR in.

When you inform HR then they should take both your anxiety (especially if work-related) seriously, and also they should be very careful about how far your data is shared.

Your manager is not entitled to your medical information. At the most, in the future, she may be instructed about what adjustments need to be made to your working environment, as appropriate. But, she is not privy to your actual medical diagnoses without your consent.

And if she insists that you have to phone, then ring HR direct and simply inform her by email that you have done so. In fact, it may well be prudent to ring HR anyway, then follow up with a confirmatory email.

I would recommend that you follow policy as much as you possibly can and phone up. The absolute best way to handle this is to talk about it, definitely go to HR if you can’t approach her directly. If the company know you are having anxiety issues they have to be considerate of that, if they don’t know, they can’t take it into account and can’t support you appropriately.
There may be a reason why she is keeping more tabs on you. Perhaps because you have returned from mat leave Straight into working from home which will take twice as much adjustment. Or maybe she does have some genuine concerns about your work. Speak to HR and they should help you find a way to resolve things for the better.

Thank you all for your advice. I have requested a GP consultation and have contacted my manager to tell her this, so hopefully this will help.