Struggling with the thought of going back to work

[Mamabear04]

I'm due to return to work next week to teach an evening class one night a week. I decided to go back for the start of the college term to ease myself in before going back part time (2 evenings and 2 full days) come November. It seems like the right thing to do but I am really struggling with the thought of going back to work. I don't want to leave my baby (she's 10mo) and the thought of being without her after spending pretty much every minute she's awake together feels too much. I live in a flat and my husband has been working from home for the past 6 months and we have basically been together for the entire time. I'm really struggling with separation anxiety after a very intense (and very lovely) time together during lockdown. My friend said to try to remember why I enjoyed work but I honestly can't find anything that I love more than being with my LO. I just feel so stressed and so upset at the thought of returning to work. Can anyone offer any advice?

Wow can’t believe no-one responded to this. I just googled ‘struggling with going back to work’ because I’m feeling exactly the same. I Feel like I can’t talk to my friends about it as they were eager to get back and ‘have adult conversations again’ etc. I really wish I could stay home - I can’t think how waking ds up at the crack of dawn to bundle him into the car and just survive getting out the door etc will be better than the gentle time we’ve had. I like my job and I was excited to go back when I met my boss for a returning to work meeting, but it’s going to be so weird during pandemic times. I’m lucky enough that I don’t have to go back to work financially if we cut back our lifestyle and at this point I’m only going because I said I would. How are you feeling now that you’ve been back a while. Did you get back into it?

@Lady1576 thanks for replying. I totally get how you feel. It was so hard to go back to work and honestly I shed a fair few tears but after a few weeks it got a bit easier. I would 100% rather be with my LO but my friend gave me some advice- she said it's good for the LO to get interaction other people and also when she went back it gave her more energy to give back to her DD. Going into lockdown 2 I think it might be hard to leave again once furlough ends but I guess it just has to happen. I would say just give it a go and see what happens. My DH suggested that I could stay at home and not go back because we are in a fortunate situation but I didnt want for us to have to cut back so quickly and also I didnt want to make that decision without trying. I'm just thankful that I have a job at the moment and also that I work PT. It's so hard non the less. When do you go back?

Thanks for the reply.... I’m glad you got back into it I’m feeling better today. I attended some CPD and it had the following effect on me: at first I felt so anxious and it reminded me how sheltered and calm life has been just recently but as the CPD went on, I found out more info about the things that I was worrying about, so I do feel more up to speed. I reckon I’ll get into it quickly. Whilst it’ll be hard right now, I think I need to look at the bigger picture. I’ll want to have a job to go back to in the future when my child is older - it can be a bit stifling to be the sole focus of your parent’s attention although no doubt a privilege - it’s definitely worth playing the long game for me.

@Lady1576 it's so hard leaving a lovely happy gentle bubble but that's testament to a happy home and your bond with your LO. I think for me I worked myself up so much about mat leave coming to an end and therefore my lovely little bubble was coming to and end too but it wasnt like that. The bubble still goes on even when you're at work and it doesn't end. I've actually found that with these constant lockdowns its actually good for my LO to see other people even if only my parents who look after her 2 days a week. I miss her so much and of course I would rather be with her but she has fun and then she comes home and we're back in our bubble again. Are you going back FT or PT?