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Original poster

Going back to work, so upset at leaving DD

18 replies

beanstalk · 09/10/2007 13:07

I am going back to work in around 6 weeks time, when DD is 11 months, have to for financial reasons. I have a place for her at a local nursery which looks like a good one - good ofsted report, good developmental play, healthy food, good hygiene etc, - but despite several visits I can't stop bursting into tears when I think about it. I feel as though I'm abandoning my baby. How do I cope with this, it's really getting me down? It's such a strong reaction I'm having, just don't know how to rationalise it. Is it possible to get over it?

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 13:09

the anticipation is much worse believe me
DS is now 16 months and has been in nursery since he was 6 months old
it sounds like the nursery is good, and that makes a difference

you aren't abandoning her - she will have a great time

when are her settling in sessions? I found these were brilliant for DS and me

Original poster
beanstalk · 09/10/2007 13:16

Thanks Ruby. The nursery have added extra settling in sessions for me, for my benefit not hers after I burst into tears on them So she has 4 booked now for the two weeks before I go back to work. They even took her for 20 minutes yesterday while I chatted with the manager in her office. When I came out she was getting a big hug from a little boy there and hadn't even noticed I had gone! DP keeps saying she will love it, but I feel so guilty already. I guess all working mums have to go through this? It's so much harder than I thought.

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Indiechick · 09/10/2007 13:17

It does get better as time goes by, but it is hard and perfectly normal to feel like this. If you have no choice financially then you have to do it. You are no abandoning your child. You've probably taken considerable care in choosing a safe, good environment for your child. Your child will develop brilliantly, mastering important social skills and improving her vocab and other skills. Try to stop feeling bad about the situation. Make the most of your time together and review the situation after an appropriate time. You will be okay, be easy on yourself, it's a tough time for you.

anniemac · 09/10/2007 13:20

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anniemac · 09/10/2007 13:21

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Kewcumber · 09/10/2007 13:23

It's horrible isn't it? But like everyone else you (and she) will get used to it. It will become much easier when she settles in nursery and is obviuosly happy there.

RubyShivers · 09/10/2007 13:23

don't be about crying

guilt - well that is part and parcel of being a mum ...

when she does go, if you need to call 10 times to see is she is ok, do it. Also, can DP be with you on the first day so you can do the drop off together

Kewcumber · 09/10/2007 13:23

Agree with the holidays anniemac but to be blunt I find it much more of a problem than DS does!

anniemac · 09/10/2007 13:25

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Kewcumber · 09/10/2007 13:49

ah teh joys of DS not being able to speak yet!

Original poster
beanstalk · 09/10/2007 13:52

Thanks so much for your replies, I really need to hear that it does get easier. So many things you can't prepare for being a first time parent and this feels like the hardest, I always knew I would be going back to work just didn't know how I would feel about it. I know I'm lucky to have had 12 months maternity leave with her so trying to be positive about that and enjoy every day now.
Annie, hadn't even thought how it will feel when she can tell me how she feels! So it will get easier for now, until she can talk!

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stepfordwife · 09/10/2007 13:57

don't be hard on yourself , beanstalk- however rational a person you usually are, you can't 'rationalise", your feelings about going back to work and your dd starting nursery.
head says: she'll love it, she'll get so much out of it. anyhow i've got no choice.
heart says: oh my god, i'm abandoning my baby. what sort of mother am i?"
the settling sessions will hopefully make you feel better. just give her - and yourself - time and things usually work out.

Kewcumber · 09/10/2007 14:17

listen to Steppie - she knows, you know - she abandons her babies at any opportunity

Sheherazadethegoat · 09/10/2007 14:21

this is so hard - hands beanstalk a tissue.

dd is 31/2 and i still cry sometimes when i leave her, i get dh to do it mostly.

they do get to do loads of lovely stuff at nursery, painting, singing, glueing (wtf but they love it) and most of all they love being with other kids.

take care and good luck.

blueshoes · 09/10/2007 14:47

Go back to work

There, hardest part over with. Speaking from experience, BTW.

stepfordwife · 09/10/2007 16:22

kew, you said you wouldn't tell anyone...

Kewcumber · 09/10/2007 16:42

I lied.

Original poster
beanstalk · 09/10/2007 16:53

Aw thanks guys...

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