Guilt about work performance and being a mum

[Laura1609]

I returned to work about 6 weeks ago after being on maternity leave for 13.5 months. I've found it hard to get back into work life and I work in a fast-paced and demanding organisation. I'm in the same team but started a new role with more responsibility (but for some reason I have to prove myself in order to get a payrise!). My manager has told me that before I went on mat leave I was a high performer and since being back she's noticed a significant drop. I feel this is hugely unfair given I'm so new back into it and I told her I'm trying to get back up to speed so taking it all in. I'm now left feeling like I'm doing an awful job at work which just exacerbates the guilt I feel about how much time I spend working and not being with my son.
Does this guilt ever go away?! Is this just my life as a mum now?!

She's just saying that because she wants to get you down. Just tell her that you are REALLLY trying your best and that you Loooove her and the job 🙄

@chocolatesweets But why?! Does she actually think it’ll motivate me? She doesn’t have any kids, nor shown any want to have any and is very career focused so clearly thinks everyone should be prioritising their job. My son is also poorly this week which she knows about so it’s been difficult trying to arrange childcare, get him seen by a doctor and actually get some sleep at night.

You never know she might be jealous that you're a mum. Maybe she can't have a family. Make her feel like royalty and she'll leave you alone. Just fake it. Tell her that work is number one, even if it's not. Stroke her ego. And sneakily look for a new job. She sounds like hard work and you don't need that.

Do you think you can be a high performer as before?

And more importantly do you want to be a high performer as before?

You mention that you feel its unfair that she's said that, is that because you feel like given time you will return to being a high performer. Is it that its her expectations that are the problem?

Also I don't think its fair to have the extra responsibility with no extra pay. I wonder if you could have a conversation with her about not feeling driven as you feel undervalued due to doing extra with no extra pay.

I know its hard not to react/take personally to what management has said but try to remember that (to a certain extent) you are working for yourself. You are working to earn money for yourself and family. You are working to have job satisfaction, you are not working to make management happy. I hope I've explained that well.

Thank you @RainbowFlowers, you articulated it really well.
I definitely think I can get back to it which I said to my manager too. It’s hard enough trying to get back into work after a two week holiday, let alone a year out of it! I think I was so taken aback that I didn’t ask for examples of why she thinks this so I’m going to book some time in with her to discuss. I had hoped to ask about the money situation but I feel as though now she’s got “ammunition”, as it were, which makes me feel even more awkward about it. I’ve been with the business for 5 years, it just feels as though I’m having to prove myself as if I’m brand new that I’m finding difficult. I know in time I’ll get back into it.

She's trying to squeeze more out of you and trying to make you feel bad about being a mum.

A lot of women feel insecure about not performing like they used to do. There is probably nothing wrong with your performance. Women are usually more organised after having kids.

Ask her to specifically pin point what she means and work towards these goals.

Don't be afraid to ask for more money.

Don't let her make you feel insecure.

Ask for specifics.