Anyone else feel like their relationship with boss has deteriorated since lock down?

[ArdenBlue]

I'm struggling so much with my boss that I'm in tears most of the morning and try my hardest to suck it up in the afternoon. I'm starting to get quite depressed with the situation :(
I thought we had a good working relationship however lock down has made me see a different side and I don't like it.
Her attitude towards me is so bad, I feel so helpless. I actually feel bullied.
I'm not sure what happened during this time for her to switch
I'm very conscientious and probably a bit too sensitive.
I've read load of helpful online stuff but I was wondering has anyone elses working relationship gone down the pan since lockdown?
Thank you x

Do you have any regular 1 to 1 meetings with your manager (via Skype/Teams/phone)?

There's a lot to be said for engagement and having opportunity to talk through things, rather than these extended periods of time when we're all just a name on an email account rather than a human being.

Hey thanks for the reply.
When I started it took my boss about 3 months to want to meet and have a one to one. It worried me a bit but I think it was actually just an example of her priorities.
I have had a couple during lock down via teams but I find it irritates my boss and she is going through the motions to have it and it's simply a platform for her to pass me on all her work.
I haven't got one in my diary now or for the foreseeable future.

I'm just feeling so stressed. How do I get any control over this situation?

Fair enough, if she's your manager, it's possibly a convenient way of her passing work to you although it sounds like you don't think she should be passing "her work" to you? Is that a problem?

I would maybe start with a fortnightly meeting for 30 mins each time and ensure you plan out what you are going to use the time for (either on a case by case basis or have a standard agenda. See if she wants to include anything as well, so she sees it's a joint discussion.

Sounds like you need more structure and a little bit more proactive - it could make her think twice about being funny with you. Does she give you any indication why she might be a bit sharp with you?

Yes because I feel like I can be bolder talking to him on the phone or via email rather than face to face. Have said some things I probably wouldn't have said to his face knowing I wont have to see him for another four months at least.

What is your boss doing that makes you feel bullied and not wanting to be at work?

How has your productivity been?

You could be me. I have a monthly 1:1 with my boss @ she talks but doesn’t actually say anything useful or constructive. Most annoying and totally demotivating. I veer between looking for new jobs and trying to do mine really well.

My relationship with my boss improved cos she put me on furlough... it's been great not seeing or speaking to her during that time.

I'm on part furlough now and dreading going back ft

I know I am really lucky with my boss.

It's not unusual for me not to hear from him for weeks, even months at a time. We are based in different countries

However, I know if I contact his PA , I can get five minutes in his diary within an hour or so, certainly by the end of the day, for a quick chat.

If I write him an email, I first write all I want to say and then summarise over and over again. Brownie points if I can get what I need to tell or ask into one simple sentence. If I just want to rant and have sympathy, I'd talk to a colleague. If I need action, it will be the boss

It's part of the culture that managers ensure their team all feel valued as individuals. They do this because they know it's the best way to minimise the costs of hiring and managing people.

Good business practice

I really sympathise as I know what it is like to have an supportive boss. I would encourage you to find a job with a great boss, who encourages you to be effective at work. Good luck.

Hello, thank you for your comments.
I feel I may have sounded like I'm lazy or not happy to work. I am, I really like to work.
At the moment I'm doing 10 to 11 hrs of work a day, no breaks and 30 mins for lunch. I'm also seemingly on call 24/7
I think this coupled with a feeling she thinks I'm doing sod all. My boss logs on twice a day to simply forward her emails to me to pick up on.
I wouldn't mind but she never says thanks or please etc my gut feeling is she doesn't have much respect for me.
We have a weekly big meeting with all departments, managers have to give an update. Ever since we started these meetings she always says...'well over to XXX (me) to fill you in' she's never once led or added an update. She's also assumed I haven't done stuff when I did it weeks ago but she's not on the ball. This is not ok when she brings it up in meetings with others making me look lazy.

She completely ignores me, when I've asked for more steer (because her emails are one word) she gets irritated and mentions I need to take initiative however I'm newish to the role and really need to ask about the process to get a handle on things. I feel I can ask questions because it looks like I'm needy.
I feel she gives me work to trip me up. It's so implicit though.

When we've had meetings in the past and I'm relaying info she'll all of a sudden,half way through me trying to talk say she has to go end of story.

Also she is happy to slag colleagues off, it's uncomfortable but I also think she's been doing it about me.

Is this bullying? It's her attitude towards me that is so implicit I sound like I'm being paranoid.

At the moment I'm doing 10 to 11 hrs of work a day, no breaks and 30 mins for lunch. I'm also seemingly on call 24/7

Why are you doing 10/11 hours a day?
And why are you "seemingly" on call?

You are, I'm sorry to say it like this, making a rod for your own back. You need to desist the temptation of always being available, I promise you that you will not gain any respect or kudos for that.

My recommendations based on my experience:
Set your boundaries firmly regarding hours of work
Establish a pattern of meetings as I mentioned up thread.
Manage your manager, using facts and data, even if it involves email confirmations, so you have an audit trail of what's been happening.

Your manager does not sound professional or a particularly pleasant individual, I strongly advise you to become assertive in meetings to prevent her from trampling over you.

If you cannot gain any control over this situation, then the only other option is to document everything in a Grievance and set up a meeting with HR to see if they will intervene for you. If you are in a Union, get them to support you. If you aren't in a Union, I recommend you join one and get them involved in due course.

Yes, I'm aware that I've totally made a rod for my own back. However I am made to feel work shy or unprofessional if I don't respond. Wish I was tougher and more clear. I just don't know how to be firm.

You are absolutely right about facts and data.
I'm in bits at the moment.

I have Crohn's something that I manage ok with but I do have flare ups which can be quite debilitating. I have been poorly this week but carried on working because of all the deadlines and work I have to do.
I decided to email my boss this afternoon to let her know that I might not be firing on all cylinders.
I asked if I could dip out of a meeting to meet a deadline and I was feeling very sick (I never use my illness as an excuse).
She finally responded...5 mins to go saying she was asleep all day and I needed to take the meeting. She told no one she was sleeping and I just wish I could be in bed
She didn't acknowledge me feeling unwell but just told me I needed to chair and that I needed to send her apologies.

Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel this dismissive/unsupportive behaviour is her way of making me feel isolated. She even messaged me half way through the meeting to tell me not to do something!
I'm pretty exhausted.

Is this bullying? I don't know how to stand up for myself.

OP, I can relate to some of what you're saying. I had a boss who behaved similarly- I've moved on since, as have several of my then colleagues!
What helped me stay sane at the time was no longer asking for permission. eg 'can I opt out of the meeting as I'm working to a deadline/ am not well' but telling them my decision, eg 'I'm afraid I won't be able to take the meeting as I am not well/ need to meet this deadline which we agreed is top priority'.

And I agree with previous posters that you need to set boundaries to time spent at work. Can you speak to your boss' boss?

Thanks Helocariad what you've said really resonates. I think being more assertive would be good. I'm definitely going to work on it.

Our director (her boss) and her don't get on at all, my boss has even been asked by HR to take leave because of their poor relationship. My boss doesn't show any respect to her boss and it seems she can't be managed. I found out my director calls her toxic
There are layers and layers to this!
My boss is pretty good at bad mouthing others, and she also turns on others, which I've always hated. I never realised this until it happened to me.

I've just had a good chat with my husband. He is very pragmatic and helped talk it through.

I feel I don't want her to get the better of me.

If she's constantly passing her work on to you so you're over burdened what is she actually doing? Do you have kids OP? Sounds like she's doing the bare minimum perhaps because she has children at home and you, if you don't are getting the brunt of it

I would also consider speaking to your boss' boss if she's being unreasonable

I wish you every luck.
I totally understand. I never felt valued, was given a months notice this week, after I gave my all for the last 10 months.
I guess I need to accept that my boundaries were too soft.