Bereaved and struggling at work - own up or struggle on?

[aaaaagh1]

I recently lost my dp, and have been struggling at work as a result, finding it hard to concentrate and feeling emotionally very fragile.

My boss was very helpful and sympathetic and let me have the maximum amount of special (bereavement) leave off initially. However, it has been incredibly hectic at work (for everyone), and they really need all hands on deck at the moment. I've been trying to do my best, but am aware that I'm struggling and this must be obvious to my boss and others.

A counsellor I spoke to suggested I should speak to a GP and get signed off work for a couple of weeks to give me time to grieve. (I haven't really had a chance to process anything - my dp passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly, all the period of special leave was spent organising the funeral etc, and work has been very hectic since, so no time to think at all really.)

I can see that getting some sick leave to allow me to deal with things would make sense, BUT I am on a temporary contract with the possibility of it becoming a permanent role if I can be seen to do well.

I tried mentioning to my boss that I was struggling due to bereavement but he was quite brusque. To be fair, he is under lots of pressure too and cannot afford to have anyone under-performing.

I've noticed that since I was bereaved, some of my work tasks seem to have been re-allocated to colleagues, and this may well be my boss being kind and trying to take the pressure off me subtly. It may also be he just now thinks I'm unreliable but being too nice to say so.

So advice wanted - WIBU to own up and get some time off via the GP and just accept that my boss may see me as unreliable and not putting the organisation first?

Or should I try to try to struggle on without a break and pretend I'm competent and not feeling devastated inside?

Or I could take all my remaining annual leave now, but I don't have that much to take and will then have no fall back in future?

I feel that whichever option I choose, my boss will probably see me in a poor light, and to be fair, I'm not performing at my normal level. But as I haven't been in the job very long, my boss won't know what my normal level is, and may well just see me now as a bit feeble and moany.

Any advice, please, as I just can't think straight at the moment. :(

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are even managing to put one foot in front of the other just now.

Don't struggle on regardless, ask for a meeting with your boss and explain you need some processing time. Some people like to plough themselves into work so they dont have to think. It may be that your boss thinks that is your situation so doesnt want to suggest further time.

Better to give yourself the time you need rather than carry on until you snap.

I am sorry for your loss, you need to be kind to yourself and take time to process. Work is important but not as important as your mental and emotional health, please don't struggle on

I don’t think you should try to struggle on. I would tell your boss that you need to take some time and perhaps ask them (or agree with them) whether is should be sick pay, annual leave or unpaid leave. They would have to be unnaturally heartless to not have sympathy for your situation.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Please don’t think of it as “owning up” to anything - your manager has a duty of care to you as his employee and needs to look after your mental health.

Does your work have an Occupational Health department? Could you have a chat with them? For example it might be that you can talk about being off for a certain amount of time, then have a phased return of coming back X days a week.

Please don’t worry about how it looks - if anything, personally I’d rather there be an official note that I’ve been struggling to perform to my usual standard because of XYZ rather than there being an assumption that I’m just being rubbish.

I am also in agreement that you speak to the boss. What have you got to lose in doing so. If the worst is true, then your card is punched; and if it isn't then you have a chance to resolve this. It doesn't have to be either/or. What about possibly working half time for a couple of weeks and review it - then you both get time! You are adding to your anxiety by worrying about the uncertainty of what impact time off etc will have. At least by talking about it you will know and can make an informed decision. As can your manager.

So sorry for your loss.I went through similar three years ago.My df who had been battling cancer for yrs was taken very ill and subsequently had a painful death just as I was a few weeks into a job trial on probation!
I had the week to help DM then back to work.It was no time to come to terms with it or make any arrangements for dm who lost her life partner.
My new boss didn't seemed phased when I said there was still much to do.So I knuckled down and pulled 55 hour weeks.I think they helped me with !y workload and somehow I got through the first year of a huge loss.
It was my Df though not my dp.Only you kno w what is right for your MH.

@aaaaagh1 the fact you are even showing up for work so soon after such a massive loss, may mean that your manager does not really appreciate what a devastating loss this is for you.

Look at it like this, if they decide not to formalise your contract or if they let you go over this, then they are showing you what a callous employer they are.

Just for perspective, I was given "as much time off as I needed" when I lost my DH, they would have given me 3 months or more if I'd needed it, which really took the pressure off me.

I would recommend you get signed off by your GP and give yourself the time you need to grieve and come to terms with such a huge shock and readjustment. Even if you have to leave the company, your health is 100% the most important thing and you risk becoming seriously ill without that recuperation.