Mentoring needed? My boss is a nightmare

[Rosegoldring]

Hello MN,

I have an on-going issue with my boss. I am literally in tears most evenings and cannot sleep because of her. It is steadily getting worse and worse. I love my job, I know that she is actively trying to leave (she's burnt many bridges) however for the here and now I am stuck with her.

I was thinking I need a mentor to help me overcome some of the issues and get some advice/tips on how to work with my boss.
Does anyone have a mentor at work/outside work? or have you paid to have a mentor outside the organisation?

I've been reading heaps of advice on google - great but my confidence is at rock bottom.

If you have/had a mentor how did you get one and was it worth it?

Thank you for reading

We have had formal mentoring programmes at work, but I think the informal mentoring has worked better. I have also been a mentor outside of work to an early career woman, through a third party organisation.

What size organisation fo you work for? Is there someone else you can trust to talk to? Have you identified what the issues are? That will be a key part of any mentoring relationship, because having a clear goal really helps yo make it work.

Hello,

Thanks for you feedback EBearhug

I am in a large organisation but never been offered mentoring so I wonder if I could speak to HR to get the ball rolling?
The problem is my boss is so notoriously bad i think if I confided in anyone close it wouldn't help.
I am contemplating going to her equivalent manager who is very confidential and i believe she would be great HOWEVER if my boss found out that would cause so many issue.

The issues are so long, it makes me so upset. I need to know how to tackle each issue and not let it affect me mentally.

My goals are to

• no allow her to treat me like s**t
• She delegates 100% of her work so I am swamped all hours however she is never happy with my work - so I don't know how to raise this
• She is toxic and openly slags off colleagues, her boss so I'm guessing she's done the same with me
• She has a mean girl vibe and makes it known when she doesn't like you and excludes you
• Any issues she will not back her team
• She plays victim all the time even though she is our manager and gets paid x2 more I have to listen to her woes....
• no respect for working hours - she gets on the emails at 11am and then again 5:30pm and knee jerks everything and misses deadlines hence I end up working until 7-8pm so 12 hour days all at her whim!

So yes I need a mentor!

I would be very cautious about having an internal mentor, based on the issues you describe.

I unfortunately do not know of many people who can resist the temptation of blabbing confidences once you get into the grizzly details of your manager's behaviour.

Mentoring can be extremely good for certain things, particularly if you have aspirations towards a leadership role, but contentious personnel issues is not suitable for the mentoring relationship ime.

Sounds less like you need a mentor and more like grievance territory to me.....

A life coach might help you to be able to focus on the good elements of your job but It does sound as though it would be a good time to look for another job. However much you love what you do, she is a large and unacceptable part of the day and really not worth your mental health.
I have boss issues too so I understand how crap this is.

Hey thanks for the feedback.
Yes I agree with the whole internal mentoring. Not a good idea really!

I really don't want to leave my role. I have, what I consider, a fantastic job and I get to travel the world ...well I did pre covid.
I am not willing to give this up for my boss. She is a nightmare yes but I am hoping to get to the point I can handle her and keep my job hence the mentoring

I found out (she doesn't know I know) that she's been going for interviews so I'm praying she goes.

I know she wants to leave because she's pissed off everyone.
I suppose I need to really focus on what I can control for now.
Any tips?