To go back to work or stay home?

[Holsteiq]

Hi.
I am 8 months into my.maternity leave and I am really thinking hard about whether I should return or not?
I worked full time as an events and retail manager for a national park. It is a busy job and can have long hours. Now I have a baby I am reconsidering my career. I always intended to go back but the more time I spend with my daughter the more I feel I don't need the stress to go back but also I don't know what to do about childcare.
My mother has offered but I fear she is 71 years old and doesn't fully understand how tiring and demanding she might be as she has started to get more and more tired.
Pricing up childcare seems pricey and not worth going to work.
The only thing is we have a new mortgage and my husband is self employed so we could run into periods when we could go short if I don't have a wage.
Basically I am worrying what to do?
Do I let my mum care for her and go back to work 3 days? Do I go back full time and pay someone? What ways have you guys been able to adjust your work and baby life balance?
All help much appreciated.

I don’t mean to be rude but I’m not sure how this hasn’t come up prior to 8 months into your maternity leave! Whether or not you return to work is a huge decision with much wider implications than just offsetting your earnings against childcare costs. For example:

• Earning potential-its highly unlikely you will was back into any job easily and are likely to earn much less after several years out of the workplace.
• Implications for your relationship, roles, dynamic, housework responsibilities.
• Pension contributions
• Access to Money-do you share accounts with your husband, would he see money he earns as ‘his’ or would he value your contribution?

There are loads of eye opening threads on here about the pitfalls of giving up work. Some people love SAHM life, but personally I would never ever give up my work or my earning potential. It’s a very personal decision but whichever way you go, make sure you’re doing it with your eyes open to the numerous implications.

Nothing wrong about reassessing your priorities whilst you have a young baby and really any age (through to school age, imho)

Do you know if your employer would permit a job share? Going back 2.5 days a week or shorter hours could be a happy medium for you and work for your childcare needs as well as keeping you employed and employable, pension, adult life etc etc

I would go back to work for several reasons:

I would never give up my income
Your husband by the sounds of it doesn't have a reliable income
If you change your mind and want to go back into employment it is gojng to be a difficult market after CV, especially in events

How about you and your DH both going to a four day week? Is he also considering the impacts of his child on his work and career?

I’m a sahm to my DTs. The cost of childcare is basically the reason I’m a sahm (£21k a year after the tax free portion!) which makes it unaffordable and not worthwhile for me.

Things I wish I’d known/considered before I had my DTs are:
The feeling of being financially dependent upon dh and the what if he left me/I want to leave him panic. No plans either way as far as I’m aware, but hypothetically if it happened I’d be screwed.
Pension contributions
Time out of the work place and when do I plan to return
The massive change in spending and adjusting to this
How I actually feel, a tad lost and like I’d lost myself a bit
Other people’s views of SAHM
The positive benefits for myself of working and seeing other adults

Personally, I’d advise most women to at least go back part time if they can purely to future proof for themselves. Having read so many stories on here about exes not paying child support and women being in a bit of a pickle when the relationship breaks down, it does make me nervous and I’ll be returning as soon as I can do!

If 3 days is an option I would do that. I would use a combination of nursery and mother. It also means if your mum wants to go on holiday/is ill then you might be able to pick up extra sessions at the nursery.

Do remember the cost of childcare is between both parents. So £21k is £10,500 each so it would be worthwhile to go back to work.

Personally I would work. Why? Because I expectedly my husband and I have divorced. I’m glad I was not in a position of fear that I couldn’t afford to keep my kids house. Judges today expect both parents to work. Why give up your earning potential and pension. Part time professional work is always paid at a lower rate than a full time job because they know highly skilled mums will fill the roles to fit in around school.

Work 4 days a week and get your husband to work 4 days a week. You would be mad to give up a good job in this climate.

Thank you all. I do think I need to go back 3 days with decisions to be had whether I could work a 4the day remotely if allowed from home.
Mixing childcare possibly 2 days my mum and one day nursery would mean my daughter gets best of both worlds.
Thanks for all the great insights and advice. Feel more confident to make a decision now.

I would go back aswell or even if you can drop to 2 days? I think nursery and a day with your mum would be great, and then more nursery days if it all works out and the older your child gets,
I went back to work when my baby was 1 year, I went back part time 2 long shifts a week, but after 6 months I left as it was causing so much stress with childcare and my husband is self employed, as I did shift work so different each week on a rotation, it seemed the easiest option and financially we are better off and my husbands business has very much improved, however somtimes I feel abit lost, he's doing so well Career wise and I'm not anything now, and have nothing going on apart from my child, we're due another soon which is fantastic, but I'm already thinking about what job I can get back into, but realistically for me it won't be till there both in school, and most of my friends now are mummy friends so it's all the same same types of conversations, be nice to have somthing else to think about somtimes and somthing to fouca on that isn't child related, goodluck

@Coffeeandbeans fair point! We’ve shared finances so the pot would still be down regardless, but I know not everyone does it this way. Still, only another year before the free funding kicks in and I can get back out there! 😀

Definitely go back part time. It is so hard to get a good part time job, especially now.
Can your DH also go to 4 days? Dont assume you should take all the hit.