Badmouthing Boss, is she a bad manager or am I being delicate?

[OnyourOwn]

Hello all,

So as the title asks but I need objective perspective on my current work and my boss.

• I used to really like/respect my boss however quite early on she pushed and pushed to get my opinion on others in the office especially her boss who she despises. With hindsight I shouldn't have given an inch but she is quite intimidating. I now feel she is openly brutal about her boss and other managers who I work with.

• she openly has arguments with her boss I feel caught in the middle - how do I keep professional and not get sucked in?

• It has dawned on me that she probably slags me off too. I mean her young kid openly bad mouths colleagues which is awkward and once on a video call they started being rude about me.

*She will also wind me up saying 'XX doesn't like the way you did this or XX doesn't trust you at all' this is out of context and not in terms of critical feedback yet she won't say to XX that is not right or keep it to herself she just says to me 'well i am happy with the way you do it' ...so why tell me XX has issues with me?

• I have one very difficult colleague who everyone avoids. She was incredibly hurtful and accused me of things that just weren't true. When I relayed this to my boss she didn't support me or even speak with said person. She just shrugged her shoulders like it hadn't happened.

I realise this is a little bit of a rant. Opinions or tips to help make this a better situation would really help. It is partially my fault for not being more clear with my boundaries and I am such a pleaser and lack confidence I have stupidly tried to nod my head and get on with it.

Thank you so much for reading :)

Oh man she sounds like a complete nightmare. How long are you likely to be working under her? Would she be involved in any moves or promotions for you?

WinterAndRoughWeather ah i kinda needed to hear this!
I love my job so this could be indefinitely
No moves and no promotion as she's at the top of the hierarchy.
Unless she finds another job which I don't think she'll be looking for.

Well there are terrible managers everywhere. If you’re going to stay all you can do is remember that her behaviour is her problem and behave professionally yourself. If there’s no prospect of promotion then at least you don’t have to worry about buttering her up.

There’s a great bit of advice in Tina Fey’s autobiography for when people in your life are a nightmare. Something like “is this person in between me and what I want to achieve?”. If the answer is no, then you can crack on and not let them get to you.

Sorry I meant will you be going for promotion and would she be involved in that process?

Thank you for the advice.
No I wouldn't be going for any promotions and so yes no buttering up needed.
It's great to have perspective. She doesn't really get in the way of me really excelling or achieving what I need to do.
Now I've had an epiphany it does make me step back and not be so emotionally invested.

She moans a lot. I used to listen and feel for her but actually she's paid 60k plus NOT to do this.
At times I've felt like her therapist yet when I've needed constructive support...nothing!

I've worked weekends on a whim and given up leave in a second so I'm not seen as a bad worker however no matter what she's gonna slag me off to others and those others will feel fine bad mouthing me or thinking badly of me.
She is the common denominator

She sounds like a teenager that's involved in highschool drama 😂. If you think she will slag you off no matter what and she slags everyone off it might be good to try and stop caring as hard as it is. Soon karma will bite her in the arse. Personally at work I'm not very sociable people think I'm rude but I'm not trying to be it's just that in every workplace there's some twat that talks awful about everyone. It's good that you don't need to suck up for her, she's practically useless to you so I would try and ignore it if you know you're a great worker! Sorry you have to put up with this, work should be about work, not slagging people off.

bedjolly thank you so much for your opinion. And very true! It is just like school kid stuff. She also loves one of the managers and really adores her which I've also found a bit cringe and a bit like in crowd at school. and this woman is prickly and cold and has a little group she deems to be good enough.
and yes I definitely need to stop caring.

I do have friends at work but I don't mention how I feel about my boss, They are a lovely bunch of girls thank god and also do feel like it's a weird work environment. I probably need to be more wary of what I say though. just in case!

I’m sure all your colleagues feel the same way about her. I think it’s best to keep your cards close to your chest at work though, get on and do your job well and don’t get sucked into any bitching, even if it’s about your boss. And yeah, sack off doing unpaid overtime!

It sounds really cringe haha. And it is hard to stop caring, best advice I've been given by my partner is that once you get home work is done, no more thinking! Relax. Yes I would be careful with what you say because the nicest ones are the ones that tell everyone if you have a small rant one day. It is hard to keep your mouth shut sometimes, people are just so irritating.

Thank you so much for your responses. I feel a little more justified