Is she unhappy or am I overreacting ?

[Tillysmummy]

My dd is at Jigsaw one day a week. She settled fine but then straight after settling ( the last month) is going through a really clingy stage and she cries everytime she is left and picked up. I know this is separation anxiety and is normal.

My mum has her the other two day a week I work which is great but mum also has another job so probably couldn't do another day. I don't know if im reading it wrong but whenever I phone Jigsaw to check on her they say she's fine / happy etc but I can't help worrying she's not. When she came home yesterday after her day there her eczema was appalling, like it hasn't been for months, all over her face, round her eyes etc. I wonder if this is because she's stressed out. I'd love to be a fly on the wall and know if she really is happy.

I think because she's only one day a week at Jigsaw she finds it a little unsettling, more so than if she was there more than one day a week. I tried the nanny thing which worked for a while but again she used to be in a right state when I got home, eczema wise etc.

I keep thinking that soon she'll get to the stage where she loves her day a week at Jigsaw and can't wait to go but it seems a long time coming.

Ideally I would like to be at home with her but it's not possible, things with my job are dodgy anyway and I don't have enough time to do it all so it would be bad news if I asked for more time.

Is it normal to be anxious like this or am I worrying unduly. Does anyone else have any other childcare suggestions. I think it's unlikely there is another alternative but thought I'd ask you anyway. Your advice is always so helpful.

I think that children who only go to nursery for one day per week can sometimes take a lot longer to settle. Do you think that your dd may be happier with a childminder on the day you work? The environment would be more homely which might help...Sorry, no other practical suggestions but loads of sympathy as it must be dreadful to leave her when she's upset. By the way, is she happy to see you when you pick her up?

Hi angaharad, thanks for your message. Yes maybe that's the way to go I just need to find someone good. A friend recently had a childminder who was registered and everything but she was hitting the children. My mum actually collects her as she finishes work earlier than me, she is so happy to see her she cries and then when I get home she literally won't let me put her down until bed time.

I've had this problem too, as I've said on other threads. Also had childminder problems. I don't know the solution, just wanted to add my support.

I know it's a tough job to do and there's often a waiting list, but have you thought about looking at other nurseries? We looked at about 6 for dd and there were all quite radically different. We picked a very nuturing one with a better than average ratio, older staff, small room, less activity-based which dd loves (she gets loads of cuddles) - maybe there might be one like that near you? (BTW, we also looked at one who cater specially for allergy children - food, dustmites etc which might be good if your dd has such bad eczema).

Hi Batters, I've thought about asking them and maybe I will but am not sure they'd tell me the truth. I also always feel like im hassling them when I ring and check how she is. But I know it's my right. She isn't behaving differently, or not that I know of, just very clingy and pleased to see my mum / me.

Droile, thanks for the support. It's a difficult one. I don't know the answer either. I guess I just hope she will grown into it. I feel so mean.

Philippat

How did you find a list, it's been so difficult finding nurseries near me.

Been thinking about this, isn't Jigsaw a big chain? I know there's one here in cardiff and although there's quite a big room and the staff ratios are correct they still have 18 babies in one room, is yours like that? My kids' nursery only has 24 kids in the whole place and they are looked after in smaller groups, no more than 6 in a room. I think this has helped as I found big rooms of babies quite overwhelming, so who knows what a little one makes of it?

Also, isn't your dd around 10m? This is about the age separation anxiety can really kick in which probably isn't helping. Is she happy on the days your mum has her?

As far as nursery making you feel bad for calling-sod them! Again maybe a smaller nursery would be better. The girls who look after my boys are very relaxed, very honest (can tell from their faces when either one has been a hellion)and call me to say all's ok on the 1st day back if we've missed nursery for holidays/illness.

Sorry, very long and not much help. Guess my main point is that although it can be reassuring to have a "brand name" nursery, a good independent one can often be better or as good!

Can't really offer any advice as my dd seems to be settling OK (she says crossing every part of her anatomy)
But DO NOT feel guilty about calling whenever you want, and insist that the person you speak to actually checks with your dd's key worker (she should have one) and lets you know what she has done so far. The nursery shoudl not make you feel at all guilty about this.
If the nursery is near to your work could you pop up there at lunchtime - unannounced- and observe dd without her knowing you are there. Again, a decent nursey shoudl welcome this - even if they only do it to humour you. It is perfectly normal, although usually unnecessary, to be this worried.

On another point, if you don't have time to do your job can you get rid of some of it. If you are working 3 days a week it is completely unreasonable of your employer to expect you to do 5 days worth of work. I know how difficult these subjects are to broach, but if you don't the stress will get to you in time and they will probably lose you anyway.

Good luck

Tillysmummy - look here to obtain a list of nurseries in your area, or the local library would have a list.
I can really symapathise with your situation - like yours, my dd cried every time I picked her up, and she did not really settle into her nursery until she started going for the 2.5 days a week I work. Is it possible that your dd could go for more than one day?

Tillysmummy, I agree with others on here that one day a week is not ideal for helping her to settle. Adding another day might help, or alternatively, a childminder.

My dd (she was older than yours) became very distressed at nursery and developed appalling separation anxiety. A childminder was just the thing for her and really helped. You can get a list from your local council, go and see lots of them, you might think they aren't as 'good' as a nursery but honestly they are perfect for the slightly more anxious child.

Good luck.

I have just accepted a little boy who was at Jigsaw, and as soon as I am able - (I need to wait until the present baby is a year old) I will be taking her baby as well. Jigsaw is also a lot less than she will be paying me, but she's not happy with the nursery and thinks it's better for her children to come to a childminder.

She told me Jigsaw have had a lot of problems lately and that is reflecting on the management and staff, Jigsaw also reduced their fees to try and attract new customers. Maybe staff morale is a bit low and it is unfortunately impacting on the care they offer to the children.

I think you are right about the one day a week thing, thanks for all your support. I guess I'll just have to try and work out what to do with my dh.

She loves her days with my mum so I don't want to put her there anymore than I have to.