Threatened by manager

[thegreenestbear]

Yesterday a senior manager in a different department - B - tore into me for 20 minutes over a misunderstanding. My own manger - S - stood there and didn't say a word, although today she has agreed that B's behaviour was 'disgusting'.

I was shaken and left the room but kept it together then I walked past B as I left and said I hope this won't come between us and she just kept pointing her finger at me saying 'You'd better learn from this. You'd better make a friend of me. You don't want me as an enemy.' Variations of this were repeated for a few minutes and I honestly was lost for words. When she finished I wanted to ask if she was threatening me but she just pulled me into a quick, tight hug and walked off.

I am so shaken - I have never experienced anything like this and I can't stop crying.

My manager S brought me flowers today and said I need to tell her if she did anything wrong but I can't face going through it.

I spoke to another manager in a different region who was sympathetic and said I need to tell a senior manager in my own team and consider taking out a grievance.

I just can't stop crying about it. I can't tell anyone about it, at home or at work, because I feel mortified that I was treated that way.

I just want to leave and find another job.

Goodnessthat is really awful. Of course you feel very shaken.

I would encourage you to write down as much as you can, so that you have a record. Write down all the details you can. Did anyone else witness it?

I would get through to the weekend and then try to process gradually and decide if you want to complain. Do you work for a big organisation that will take it seriously?

Poor you

How are you feeling today @thegreenestbear? Are you off work over the weekend?
I read your op but don’t have much advice*,but I keep thinking about you, it’s horrible for you. So bumping for the weekend crowd.

*other than get a new job which isn’t the most helpful.

Not acceptable at all. Very un professional and you need to report this officially, what if she does this to someone else? Someone who can not handle it, is vulnerable etc.
What did she tear in to you about? Not that there is any valid reason but context may help understand the situation more. How long have you/she worked there? Hope you're feeling OK now x

Thank you, I spoke to my own senior manager on Fri and she said it's unacceptable. She also said B has a history of snapping, manipulation and losing her temper. So makes me feel better in one way but also worse as she's clearly not being tackled. At the moment I think I want to raise a grievance - it's on my mind all the time. Why should she get away with making me feel like this? But on the other hand my workplace is notorious for never tackling poor behaviours.

@CynthiaRothrock she had reason to be annoyed but she was directing it at juniors in my team rather than looking to the actual cause. I've since found out she regularly speaks poorly to them and expects them to work out of grade and everyone just goes along with it because they know she has a temper. I've been there 7 years but our paths have only just crossed.

And @Coldhandscoldheart thank you for thinking of me. I've not told anyone at home or at work apart from those I've mentioned, so it keeps swirling round my head. I was off over the weekend - know I'll see her tomorrow though, as we have a meeting and dreading that.

Poor you, that is awful.

Her behavior is totally unacceptable and unprofessional. Does your company have a dignity at work and / or a bullying at work policy?

If I were you I would be raising a grievance, referring to any such company policies plus naming any other staff members who would be witnesses.

How dare she get away with it. At the very least I would expect that she needs to be told her behaviour is unacceptable and informed that she must attend a compulsory professional behaviour management course.

Rise above her, stay strong and professional, and show her you will not tolerate be spoken to in such a way.

Good luck (flowers)

Good luck today. I think I'd want a plan before I got to work. Can you record any interaction?

I hope your day was okay yesterday.
Documentation is the only way to get people like this. A diary with a very quick note of date, time, what said& any witnesses.
Any junior staff she’s treating like this should be doing the same.
I’d have a chat with your union (or ACAS? If no union) to see how best to move forward, there’s usually a sliding scale of complaint, you start at the bottom and work up.
TBH the incident you describe on Friday would prob be enough for some sort of grievance.
I would tread carefully & work out a little what contacts she has. Sorry to sound paranoid, but ime these people are often hand in glove with their seniors who will arrange to brush it off.

Regardless of weather she had cause or not, its no excuse to talk or treat people that way. Sounds like she could do with going on a management course!

Everyone gets stressed to the point of blowing at some point in life and work but it's no excuse to actually blow, there are better ways of dealing with it!

Please do yourself and your colleagues present and future a favour and report her in the appropriate way. Like i said before, one day she may pick on the wrong person and that could have disastrous consequences - the next person could lash out and attack her or worse go home and hurt themselves (you never know what's going on in someone's head and how they will react!) please report her.

I have reported her. I toldmy senior manager I wanted to raise a grievance and, although she was concerned at how far reaching this may be, she did say she would support me in whatever I chose to do.

A colleague who works closely with my senior manager is obviously aware of what happened - not from me - and she contacted me privately to say this was one incident in a long line that she was aware of.

That, plus all your supportive comments, was the spur I needed.

I'm giving a statement tomorrow and I will be asking S, who was there at the time, to do the same. My juniors may not be as willing to become involved but that's a risk I have to take.

Not looking forward to the road ahead but I feel more settled having made the decision. Feels like I've taken some control back.

Well done. Do keep your eye out for other jobs tho too, it’s not worth ruining yourself over.

I really hope it works out, it sounded dreadful.

Wishing you all the best OP. I got treated badly in similar circumstances by a manager years ago, he wrongly blamed me for something and went to the trouble of finding out which perfume I liked and got me it as an apology. He owned the company so I couldn't report him. It still bothers me that he treated me like that. You're definitely doing the right thing in raising a grievance. You won't regret it. I'm actually most shocked that she hugged you afterwards. She sounds awful, I wouldn't be surprised if she's already had warnings.

Really great you are taking the steps to make a complaint, takes courage.
I actually read this I wondered if this was the same Place I worked a while ago! She had a history of bad practice - shouting at people, making derogatory comments, rude but somehow always got away with it. Her name began with B!

I didn't complain, she was thick as thieves with HR so there was no point, she had got away with worst several times but I got another job in another department within a month. She didn't see that coming and even thought I would stay when the time came. Since left company and had dealings with her in new company when she needed stuff from me - I may have not been v helpful! Professional but didn't go above and beyond.

Well done op for having the courage to do this! It will be a bumpy road ahead but stay strong!