Sorry this will be a long un..
I've returned to work following a three month furlough, to a job that prior to Covid was causing me severe anxiety and stress (hair falling out, insomnia, etc). Prior to furlough I'd received very minimal support from my direct line manager and my technical director (TD). Infact had received phone calls from the TD telling me I was "paranoid and not resilient".
During furlough, communications were minimal and largely perfunctory (I felt on both sides.) I was not contacted by my line manager but by another member of staff (who had contacted HR to get my personal details, which were not given due to my work email being checked once a week as per agreed terms). During furlough a number of "games nights" were mooted. I didn't respond to any of these as I had been told explicitly I was not to drop into one of the daily chats the team had as that was work. The invites for the games nights were sent largely on a Friday (a non work day for me normally). I also had to look after my child whilst on furlough. I get people are working during covid and home schooling. I get I'm not alone and I was lucky to be furloughed.
On return, with less than 48 hours notice, I'd been given minimal onboarding (I attended a morning team meeting) and then was left to get on with work. I contacted other staff members to check what I was doing, had correct information (Ts and C's) so wasn't operating in the dark.
Two days later my technical director calls to discuss a project I had been appointed on. We chat about this for roughly ten minutes, TD telling me information I'd already got from our document file. She then stated that the management we're discussing how staff felt coming back and acknowledge nothing had been done for me. The TD then launched into telling me I was not happy and brought up my responses to emails as well as a situation ongoing with regards me asking about further flexible working for uni. She was combative to start with and at the outset I said there was nothing I could say to her and that I just wanted to get on with the work. She brought up my non attendance at the games nights- how my ignoring those invites was rude. That I clearly feel I'm the centre of the universe and that the company can't just give me free reign for whatever I want off (which wasn't what I originally asked). By the end of the conversation I had broken down in tears and basically didn't put any of my side out because I knew that whatever I said would be countered with an agressive response largely centring on "you are not the centre of the universe". Which I completely get. I then received an email which was a very obvious arse covering exercise cc'd into the person who had handled my furlough communications. The ending of which was along the lines of 'we're all finding things tough and we need to be kind to one another'
The issue is clouded slightly because im not happy at the company, but I just feel really unsupported and unsure really what to do. Over the past few years my direct line manager has offered no effective help; with one project advise caused some significant issues. I have not had a review for the last two years and have WFH for the last two years so it's not a new situation related to covid. The support just hasn't been there.
I'm due to start uni in September and part of me wants to just do that full time but I'm worried about the financial impact of quitting. I'm also worried that I stay in a job where I'm being subjected to very personal attacks and the effects it's having on my self confidence. The more upset I get, and i am upset and just feel like I can't say anything, the more it seems to confirm my TDs diagnosis of me being "unresilient".
I've interviewed for two other jobs recently and had great positive feedback but didn't get the job (which was fine). I just feel that these experiences have highlighted how unsupportive my line management is.
Has anyone had a similar situation? I can't afford to go to HR to report the issues. I'm very aware I've painted my side of the story and I just feel my TD will paint hers to HR and I'd rather not burn my bridges or start setting any fires just yet.