Career or mum life?

[Elliexoxo]

Hi everyone. So my DS is almost 10 months old.
I worked as a manager for an IT company doing 12 hour shifts before I had him. I decided not to return to work as my baby needed me and I wanted to watch him grow up.
However, I had quite a traumatic labour and delivery, my son almost died and my recovery wasn't the best either. We ended up staying in hospital for a week whilst we recovered. This really opened my eyes to the maternity ward and the work they do. I've been really looking into becoming a Maternity Support Worker. I know people in the role and have been getting to know what the job entails and have been doing a lot of research. I want to help other mums and families and be that support network, even if I can help just one person get through what I went through.
The thing bugging me the most is the mum guilt.
I wouldn't be looking at returning to work until my son is 2/3 and in nursery, but the 12 hour shifts would mean I wouldn't see him much and that just kills me.
I feel selfish for even thinking about work when I should be soaking up every minute with him, which I am, but I also want to do something for myself. I hope that makes sense.

It does make sense but you will also be earning money which will benefit his quality of life.

Hi,

I'm returning to my NHS Trust as a maternity support worker, 30 hours a week, in October. I have been sent my Orientation Programme. For the first week back I'm on the 7.30am-3.30pm shift Monday- Thursday where by my partner can get the kids to nursery and school before he goes to work and I pick them up, clean, cook etc. I have been put on 2 long days 7.30am-8pm (Tuesday and Wednesday) and a short 7.30am-3.30pm on Thursday for my second training week. My partner will drop and pick up the kids from after school club and nursery for those 2 days and I will do it for the other days of the week that I'm off. I am feeling a little mommy guilt because I won't see my children for more than an hour some days but because I work 30 hours a week, there are days I'm off completely, at least 3/4 days at a time so on those days I will make sure I'm completely present.

(Sorry for the details lol)

X

No matter what hours you have as a working mum we all have Mum guilt.
Overall it's finding a balance to making time when you do have it with your child.
Be prepared for that child to not always accept our adult responsibilities.
Remember to that as your child grows they will need and want to be with children having fun and learning at nursery.
Bringing in relationships to your child with adults and children.. that is important.
Fantastic you have a job you will enjoy to go into.

Hi Hun I honestly wouldn't worry about mom guilt...I had to return to work as a dental nurse after 9 months due to finances...I'm out the house just after 7am and our little boy goes to a lovely childminder and I'm not back home until 5.45...I wanted to see our little boy grow up so I made sure I had 1 day a week off with him until he's at full time school...it works for me and I enjoy being back at work and having some adult communication and it's a break from looking after a 2yr old 😆 I think mentally u will need the break especially when ur little one is getting older as they are non stop all day...I honestly don't no how women or men are full time stay at home parents xx

Hi OP I felt totally the same when my baby was 13 months old I found it really hard to accept that by the time I got home he was sleeping. I felt like I’d almost let him down and it bothered me. It didn’t last long though I remember speaking to mum and she told me firmly you can’t do it all.... it soon paid off having a salary and been able to do nice things. There’s quite a few positives in going back to work. DS is now 5 and thriving and I know I made the best decision maintaining my job. I did cut my hours massively from working 50/60 hours a week to currently 25hours.

Can you not do part time work? I'll be going back to work at the end of the month after being off 13.5 months. I work as a nurse so cannot take extended years off as I'll have to complete a return to nursing course to go back. So I'm going back x2 12 hour shifts. I'll definitely feel guilty not seeing her for the whole day but I'm off with her 5 out of the 7 days and that's the best we can do.

My mam always said you can't do it all. I agree.
Even when children are older, at school and in their teen years they still need their parents. In my opinion its all about balance and what works for your family.
If you want to go down the maternity support worker route have a look into it, it maybe a full time at first and then you could drop your hours.

It’s wise to plan ahead - the baby phase goes quickly! I think it’s normally to be interested in baby things / new mums while you have them but be prepared that it can wear off as your child grows. It’s a bit like people becoming wedding planners after their weddings IME. When my dc were babies I very nearly became a breastfeeding consultant- I was really passionate about it, lots of voluntary work etc. But by the time my youngest started at school I was itching to get back to my original job (which I had thought I’d had enough of). I would say most of my friends have been like me, but I do know one who had a career change and is now a midwife! I am not saying this to put you off - but do try to picture yourself in 10, 20 years not just next year.

There is always mum guilt whether you work or not. Friends who don't work often say they feel guilty they can't afford things with the children as they grow up.

I work Full time, went back full time when youngest was 3. Do I feel guilty and miss them, yes, do I regret working full time, absolutely no.

I absolutely prioritise my children. We don't use any childcare even for holidays. My husband and I cover school drop offs and pick ups and all holidays. We have never missed an assembly or school play or event.

We can afford a holiday abroad and holidays in the uk every year. I don't have to say no to them when they want or need things but I also don't spoil them.

But actually the two most important things to me are:
I am financially independent and building my pension up for the future. I feel equal in my marriage
Most importantly I am setting my daughter and son an example, that women can have a good job, and childcare is a shared responsibility as is house work. That marriage is a 50:50 partnership.