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Original poster

Manager ghosting me since I told him I am pregnant

24 replies

Charliec12 · 21/06/2020 06:16

I have been friends with my male manager for nearly 2 years and we got on well as friends and as work colleagues. Since I told him I am pregnant back in March he now only comes to me about anything work related. I feel quite hurt about this as I thought we had a good personal friendship there. Has anyone experienced this before? I have questioned in the past why he went a bit quieter with me and he said our chat comes in waves. I am the one who arranges birthday collections for him and I have generally been so supportive of him in the past with work or personal issues he has had. I know I have more important issues to focus on but I find this very hurtful

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 21/06/2020 06:28

I suggest you become more realistic about where you actually figure in each other's lives, you're work colleagues and he's your senior.

You're there to do a job and get paid, so is your manager. Albeit it's very nice to have a cordial rapport, considering yourself his "friend" is very unrealistic especially as you'll be going off on mat leave before too long and won't be able to keep up a friendship.

Said kindly, toughen up about him. The penny has undoubtedly dropped that despite the friendship, he realises you have a life outside your work bubble where he doesn't figure. He's right!

Original poster
Charliec12 · 21/06/2020 08:57

We are friends outside of work too though but that has changed since I told him.We used to chat a lot outside of work. You are right I do need to toughen up somehow I am just dissapointed he has changed with me as I felt we had a better personal friendship

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Ohfrigginghellers · 21/06/2020 09:14

Did he maybe see you as something more and now realises he chances are scuppered?

happytoday73 · 21/06/2020 09:17

I agree with PP.. I think he though you liked him... Or he liked you

Original poster
Charliec12 · 21/06/2020 10:12

Even though he knows I am in a relationship and have a child with that man already? I am beginning to think it could be that he hardly engages with me outside of work now yet engages with other work colleagues fine. I am just feeling a but cast aside really after all the hard work I have put in and how supportive I have been to him in the past. He is single though so maybe there is more to it that I thought

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Original poster
Charliec12 · 25/05/2021 11:01

Not sure if I am allowed to reopen this thread nearly a year later? So we kept in touch when I was on maternity leave but he came to me more about work queries. Not hey how are you etc. Back to work now and he still hardly talks to me unless it is about work. I am struggling to get over it to be honest and it gets me down. To add to this he has told me in the past he has feelings for me but I think he was after one thing. I am struggling to accept that someone I did a lot for in the past can just ghost me :(

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StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 25/05/2021 11:24

That must be frustrating and upsetting. I think you need to accept that you misread the relationship before, and that relationship is now over and that you are colleagues now and notjing more. And honestly keep colleagues in the aquaintances category in the future. Do someone a favour once, but dont put yourself out for them again until they reciprocate.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 25/05/2021 11:36

That's the bit I am struggling to come to terms with I lent him money etc as he had no one else I got proper sucked in and then nothing. It won't put me off being kind. I don't really want to get another job as this one is flexible with my 2 children but I am not able to get my head round it easily 😒

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Aprilx · 25/05/2021 14:02

I think you need to make a conscious effort to set better boundaries at work, particularly with your superiors. It sounds like he came to his senses and did so last year, you need to do the same. I found it quite strange that a year later you are still concerned with it to be honest.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 25/05/2021 14:29

He has been asking to borrow money in the last few months and when he doesn't need anything from me he only talks to me about work stuff. So I feel massively used from a person that I thought was decent and I used to be friends with at work and outside of work. I have feelings there too that is why I am more hurt. I agree with you though it has taught me a huge lesson about being careful not to get too friendly with work colleagues

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FawnDrench · 25/05/2021 20:05

You are over-invested in this relationship which seems to have passed its sell-by date.
You may have been friends at one time but he is just using you for his own ends if he's asked to borrow money after practically ghosting you.

Please say no to the borrowing money nonsense - you and he now have a different, purely professional relationship.
In my opinion, things will never rekindle to what they were with him, no matter how much you want them to.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 25/05/2021 21:51

Thank you and yes using me by asking for my help with work too a lot when I was on maternity leave. I struggle to say no to helping people

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OccaChocca · 25/05/2021 23:32

Sorry Op but he clearly thought he was in with a chance. He wasn't the person or the friend that you thought he was.

Let it go. Just be professional. He is a colleague. Nothing more. Treat him like you would anyone else and don't do any special favours for him. Sadly this is a lesson for you. Be careful who you trust.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 26/05/2021 07:14

Thank you and yes a big lesson. I find it quite lonely as he was the main friend I had at work so that hasn't helped much now he has turned a bit towards me

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Horehound · 26/05/2021 07:23

So he had feelings for you and you, him.
So it sound a a it like an emotional affair?

I hope you aren't lending him money. He kinda sounds pathetic...management level but needs to borrow money Confused

Rubyrecka · 26/05/2021 14:03

Wait your manger/friend /whatever is asking you for money?! Presumably he's on more money considering you've been on maternity and he's also your senior? Tell him to piss off.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 26/05/2021 16:03

Exactly that :( Apparently he had no one else to ask but he is a senior to me

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Original poster
Charliec12 · 26/05/2021 16:05

Yes it was getting that way then I realised he was after one thing so it cooled and I thought we would stay friends especially after I have helped him out a lot in the past. Ahh well live and learn huh

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Rubyrecka · 26/05/2021 17:37

@Charliec12

Exactly that :( Apparently he had no one else to ask but he is a senior to me
Tell him to go to the bank like everyone else! He's taking advantage.
incenseandpeppermints · 26/05/2021 18:45

Did he return the money he borrowed?

Original poster
Charliec12 · 26/05/2021 21:09

He did yes 😊

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Original poster
Charliec12 · 27/05/2021 06:14

He can't as he is massively in debt the bank won't lend him anything

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Rubyrecka · 27/05/2021 08:32

@Charliec12

He can't as he is massively in debt the bank won't lend him anything
Oh well sucks to be him! Your not friends your work colleagues so treat him like one. Send him the citizen advice link for debt management if your feeling especially generous and helpful ☺️
Original poster
Charliec12 · 27/05/2021 10:20

Thank you :)

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