how did you make the transition from working to sahm

[andiem]

I have just had my second dc after 4 years of mcs and ivf. My other dc is 7. I went back to work part time after I had him and managed to balance work and family well . My dh had just given up his job to set up his own business so we needed the money.
Now we don't need my salary, if I work 3 days a week childcare will be about £1000 a month leaving me with very little so I would be working to maintain my career I really feel that I want to stay at home but am worried I will

1. hate it after a while and wish I had gone back
2. miss having my own money
3. miss the things that go with working like wearing smart clothes etc shallow I know but don't fancy a life in jeans
4. miss being someone other than a mummy and dw how did other people make the transition I know I want to do it but worry I will regret it once I have resigned

jeans are not compulsory

if you decide you don't like it would it be really hard to get a new job?

i found it really hard for the first year, so much so that i ended up taking a part time job in the evenings just to get me out of the house.

I could get another job but I work in quite a specialised area so the jobs in london are few and far between so I would be burning my boats so to speak as we definitely couldn't move to accomodate me

So leaving would mean never returning to your old workplace?

they would have to get someone to replace me so effectively yes unless another job came up

ah I thought with the burning of boats meant they'd be so annoyed they'd never employ you again

god I hope not but some of the other women would look down on me iykwim

It will be hard in the beginning but your children are very lucky and you'll be glad you did it. In many ways it is wise to steer clear of jeans. Wear clothes that make you feel good

andiem, I think the fact you're thinking about it and realising that there are potential pitfalls shows that you're being realistic which is a good thing. You're more likely to make the adjustment than if you just assumed you'd merrily give up work, no problem. It WILL be hard at first, and may have days that you wonder whether you've done the right thing. But keep busy, get out and about and dress up as much as you like.

God, I hated my work clothes - they were so boring . I dress up far more at home - there's a whole new world of clothes out there that you'll discover as a SAHM when you can dress for yourself.

Own money - yes, a potential problem. Negotiate a fair allocation of your husband's revenue for your own uses before giving up work and get over any embarrassment at spending his money on yourself by ensuring you have a fun time as a SAHM and are therefore much more fun and available for him at the end of the day/week than when you were tired out by working.

Don't know what you mean about being just a mummy and a dw - I'm sure you have a personality and IMO it is much easier to be fully yourself when you aren't working and bound by the constraints of the workplace than when you are. I never felt like me at work - I had to behave too well .

You can always find another job.

The wonderful thing about being a SAHM is that you can make it what you want to. Your time is your own to organise. Yes, you could stay at home all day watching daytime telly and eating crisps but you can organise your time to do things you haven't had time to whilst at work. Some women study, some do voluntary work, others fill their days doing groups and outings with their children. It takes some planning but there is no reason why you should be bored if you put as much effort into it as you did your working life.

You don't have to wear jeans either - I don't most of the time. Wear what makes you happy and comfortable. Obviously wearing a suit to a toddler group would look a bit odd but there isn't any reason why you have to be stuck in jeans.

Missing your own money might be an issue but that depends on the attitude of your DH as well as you and whether you still feel that joint money is your money. I have my own savings account into which I put some money before I gave up work. It isn't a huge amount but it is mine and should I really want something that wouldn't be practical or affordable from joint finances I know I can use my money. Tbh, in 7 years I haven't felt the need to use it but it is there is I want it which is nice to know.

I don't really think much about being 'just' a wife and mother I just get on with it. As I say, do a course for fun or voluntary work if you feel you might lose you identity and it will give you something else to talk about.

I hope everything works out for you.

You sound as if you are happy working part time and you have made some valid points regarding the things you feel you would miss, why don't you wait until the end of your maternity leave before making a decision.

good point nospeak. I mis-read OP and didnt realise she's already working P/T and enjoying it. From my own experience, don't let the financial factor in itself put you off - many people work to stay in their chosen field and not for financial benefit once they're onto their 2nd child due to child care costs. I know after nursery fees for two, I brought in very little money but chose to work part time because i have an interesting, stimulating career. Is this something that has to be an all or nothing decision right now? Could you carry on and see how it works out - it sounds as though things were going fine after dc 1 and you enjoy your work.
Agree with the posts about the own money thing. If you give up your salary, then discuss with your partner how you will manage the reduced income. You're a team, so you both need to agree.
Think I mentioned clothes before - dress up however you want girl!! I love dressing up for work, but equally, I used to wear what i wanted on my days home when i was P/T - sometimes slobbing in jeans, sometimes dressing up to the nines if it made me feel better.
Agree too about trying to maximise opportunites - maybe doing some further study, voluntary work etc - when you're used to the stimulation of the workplace it can seem tedious being at home. I loved some aspects of being at home, specially as the dcs got bigger and talked, but tbh, the baby bits and the day to day routines can be a grind.
Whatever you decide - remember, this is one phase of your life - there's no reason why you cant get back to work in a few years time.