baby only 13 weeks old already know i dont want to go back to work

[kittenbaby]

but think well kinda know dh wants me to
we dont need the extra money to live on it would purly be for extra stuff holidays days out etc
how do i tell him without causing arguments
he only really wants me to do one day a week when dd is a year old

Well I suppose what I would do would be to start building a case for staying at home. From your posts, these could include:

1. Horrible boss
2. How happy you would be
3. How happy your dd would be
4. More opportunities for you dd to see MIL on a social basis during the week rather than as a burden or responsibility, IYSWIM. Maybe you don't want your dd's relationship with her grandmother to be sullied by her having to have her. Too great a commitment for your MIL.
5. Carry on breastfeeding?
6. Look at your finances and work out whether there are non-luxury ways for you to save money, that would enable you to not work and still have some of the things your dh wants I suppose though, that if push comes to shove and he is adamant that you should return, and you are adamant that you don't want to at thetime you have to make a decision (i.e. not yet), then you will be in the position of basically having to say that you won't.

hi pooka thanks for all your great ideas
you have given me some great ammo esp about dd bing able to spnd tim with mil when it suits us all rather than having to
i nver thought of that one
so thanks xx

your right i guess if thats what it boils down to ill just have to say sorry im not doing

No probs.
The difference between my mother / MIL having dd/ds now is that they have them when it is convenient to them/us. It's a moveable feast and rather nice as a result. So for example, MIL is off to Australia for a month and obv. would not be able to do this if she was the sole carer and had to have dd/ds on set days. Instead, she took them out on Saturday AND Sunday morning to let dh and I get on with clearing out the garden. My mother will have dd on Wednesday to give me some time with ds, but back in time for swimming lesson. My mother has perhaps more on her plate rather than less since she used to look after dd two days a week, as my grandmother is ill. So some weeks she has too much on. Some weeks she'll have ds while I do something with dd. Sometimes both. Sometimes just dd.
It's flexible and that works really well, but wouldn't fit in with formal working hours.
I have found also that since dd started pre-school, there just isn't enough time in the week to fit everything in, and that will only get worse once she's at school. So working formal hours would not suit me now, whereas was more doable when only had dd and she was still so little.
Good luck with deciding and talking to your dh.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think it is still too early to be conclusive about this. Give it a little while longer - are you taking the full year? you could also consider negotiating part time for a bit when you first go back.