Help! Verbally accepted job offer and found out I'm pregnant!

[Inaquandry2020]

So, in a nutshell, I got offered a job last week which I've verbally accepted but not yet signed the paperwork. It's a promotion, pay rise, good benefits, a lot more responsibilities. I'm a solicitor, so it's a big deal (new role is managing associate).

Peed on a stick today and found out I'm pregnant, which is wonderful but now I don't know what to do about the job. The new role has a six month probationary period. If I have to work my notice, then I can't see that I'll be able to finish the probationary period before I go off on mat leave (savings can cover the lack of any maternity pay).

The firm is a good law firm with a good reputation, but the idea was I'd be brought in to hit the ground running and I can't see that they'll be thrilled if I join, only to leave five months later (albeit for a short time, since I would likely take only six months mat leave or less).

My biggest concern is that I take the new role, tell them about the pregnancy and they don't keep me on after the probationary period. Or I stay in the current job, hope for a promotion (which keeps being promised, but everything has ground to a halt owing to Covid) and take the enhanced maternity leave and don't spend the entire pregnancy worrying.

I really don't know what to do for the best. Part of me wonders if I should call one of the female partners who I spoke to during the interview process, put my cards on the table and see what reassurances they might be able to give. Or do I just decline the new job, stay put and hope my career develops where I am?

I'm the main earner in the family and I need a good job to pay the bills - my worst nightmare is being in a position where the probation isn't extended, with a small baby.

If anyone has any pearls of wisdom, I'd be very grateful.

I accepted a promotion knowing I was pregnant. In my case though, there was no probationary period and that would definitely have influenced my decision making as I too am the main earner.

I think it might be worth having the conversation with the partner. You need to know where you stand in this situation and honesty goes both ways.

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It's just so tricky, particularly with Covid and the shrinking economy. It's hard to know whether it's a case of 'better the devil you know', stay where I am, have a relaxed pregnancy (assuming it all works out) and then focus on pushing my career forwards at a later date.

Please don’t turn down a promotion because you are pregnant.

And don’t call one of the partners and ask for reassurances. What do you expect her to say?

They’ll be irritated, but that’s a short term thing. No reason you can’t hit the ground running just because you happen to be pregnant. You’ll have some time to make an impression and achieve some things before you go on maternity leave, and in the scheme of a career, maternity leave is a very short period.

Stay. You know they will find a subtext to let you go for when in probation and you wouldnt be able to prove discrimination.

I would be honest; tell them the truth. If it’s a problem then stay where you are. A job is for a long time; not just for a pregnancy time. Integrity is key. What would you like someone to do if you were offering the job and they were in your situation?

I wouldn't normally advise this, but with a covid etc, if I were you, and I'd been in the current role over 2years, I'd stay where I was purely for the job protection.

Take the enhanced mat pay but bank it and don't touch it.

In the meantime, I'd turn down the other job And tell them why. Sell it to them as you wanting to commit fully to the role or whatever (isn't how I feel but "im staying put as I'm more protected" just seems too honest).

Ask if you can call them once you are Looking to return to work after maternity leave and see if they have any openings.

If you’ve just found out, you must be very early on. I hope everything goes well, but I would be hesitant at turning down a great opportunity because of a very new pregnancy.

You have to do what’s right for you, and other posters have already made good points. One other consideration is how it would look to younger female solicitors if it became common knowledge that a capable, senior colleague had rejected a promotion because of being pregnant. That would be a massive red flag to me in an industry that is becoming more and more female dominated.

That's unfortunate timing.

Is it your first pregnancy? Have you actually handed in your notice?
Are you very early in your pregnancy? If so can you wait a little while before you do anything in case the pregnancy doesn't work out?

If it were me, I would call the new place and put your cards on the table, say you would absolutely love to accept the role but want to be honest about the circumstances which you only found out after verbally accepting.. It's a win win win because you can either :

1. Join the new place knowing that you have been open and honest and maybe actually negotiate for them to pay you your maternity leave if they want you to leave your current role to join. If they really like you it's a small cost if it's a big a firm.
2. Stay in your current position if they say no thanks which means you will still get maternity leave and you won't have burned any bridges with the firm you have applied for or your current firm.

Stay open and honest throughout which I know I would want to be if pregnant. It's wonderful news! In my opinion, I think if they are a forward thinking progressive firm (I appreciate all law firms are!) they will take option 1. Imagine having to tell someone you previously asked to join your company that they are loosing out on a job because they are pregnant? It will be a small price to pay to gain a wonderful honest and open employee.

I would say you don't need to call a female partner, call whichever one you had the most rapport with. We need to start involving men in these obstacles!

Sheryl Sandberg had to do a similar thing, she wrote about it in her book Lean In I am sure.

I would stay OP. I planned on going back and not taking full mat leave and now I'm six months in and I'm taking the full year and feel very differently about the idea of returning to work when I have a gorgeous baby at home.

Have an easy pregnancy - you don't know if you'll be sick for the full six months (I was) or if you'll have complications and it would be awful to have that and the pressure of a new role too.

I found out I was pregnant the same week as I received a verbal job offer. It was again a pay rise, more responsibilities and importantly a massive reduction in commuting time. I was also massively unhappy where I was which also influenced my decision. In the end I told the new employer between the verbal offer and formal offer- my thinking was that I wouldn’t want to work somewhere where they had such an issue with it (i work in a very male dominated industry, not dissimilar to law). In the end HR and my new line manager emailed me their congratulations and it wasn’t an issue at all, in face they were hugely supportive. In their mind getting the right person in and losing them for 12 months was still better than getting the wrong person in. I started work there when I was 14 weeks pregnant and my 5.5 months there prior to mat leave were brilliant. Since I’ve been back it’s been great too. It’s such a personal decision but don’t write off the new employer. At the end of the day you don’t want to give you notice in until you have a written offer so there’s no harm in testing the water and seeing how they react, they might just surprise you!

How did you get on, @Inaquandry2020?

Just to update (using my usual username now as it doesn't matter anymore) - in the end I signed the contract with the new employer and decided to take the opportunity regardless. I didn't say anything to either current or new employer about the pregnancy. And in fact that was probably sensible, since we found out on Thursday at the scan with the Harmony test that the baby's heartbeat had stopped about 10 days before. The EPU confirmed a missed miscarriage.

So whilst we're devastated, I'm not now worrying every night about the new job and the financial worries we were facing. I start the new role in early September so hopefully I can hit the ground running, get stuck in and then see what the future holds, in terms of trying to conceive again.

Thank you to everyone who posted.

I am so sorry to read that update. Wishing you the best for the future.