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Different strokes for different folks

4 replies

Redwren · 28/05/2020 08:03

Morning, not really sure where I should be posting this. My husband is upset with me this morning so I guess I'm wanting to know if I'm in the wrong.
I've recently been made redundant from my part time job. I work in admin/pa/hr. I enjoy admin and im very good at it

My husband and I are also in partnership together for his business. He does the "work" which is a manual labour type job and I do the admin, all of it. It's usually 3hrs a week and then vat and tax return time on top, I also help out with labour jobs, odd days and a two week period where I work every day.

Until recently I was working 16hrs pt as we also have two young children and DH does not want to be involved in childcare/pickups. I dont mind that I love being around for the kids. I'm also studying PT.

Anyway, I've got a friend, shes awesome, a real go getter, extroverted and does well, shes got her fingers in a few different pies. She drives me mad though because she regularly tries to recruit me, she means well but the jobs are hard sell type jobs and I'm not interested, sales really doesn't suit me. My dh has always agreed, a sales job isn't for me. Admin and maths is for me and I didnt want to change my job.

So now I'm redundant, still studying. We can cope without my PT earnings, dh said hes happy for me to do more "labour" days until I qualify, one or two per week. That's fine.

But this morning he has come and said he wants me to increase my 2 week labour period to four. This will be a struggle childcare wise but the thing is the extra 2 weeks I'd be doing a much more manually intensive job and in my eyes something I am not built for. I said to him I dont want to do it. He is annoyed as currently he employs someone for 2 weeks and the cost is 3k which is a hell of a lot. I understand that if i did it we'd be saving that and that's half of my 16hr per week job but it's really not for me.

So husband has left in a huff but i dont get it, he accepted sales weren't for me, i guess because sales isn't for him either but suddenly i dont want to do what he does and hes cross. I'd honestly rather work nights in aldi two days a week and earn the 3k but I'm upset that I'm being pushed to do something which doesn't suit me. My dh wouldn't be able to work in admin, hes not got the mindset for it which is fine, no one pushes him to do the kind of work I do yet hes making me a bad guy for knowing what I'm good at.

I'm a just pathetic for being so inflexible? I've got skills they just (apart from the admin and finances) dont fit his business. I dont see what's wrong with wanting an office job

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 28/05/2020 08:12

You need to discuss your reasons properly with him. A brief conversation as he’s off to work in the morning will not be productive.
Why doesn’t he want to be involved with childcare?

Epigram · 28/05/2020 08:17

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. It's up to you what job you have, not him. However, I can see that he'd thought about it and had found what he believed to be a good solution so maybe he's just a bit peeved.

Have you started applying for new jobs since losing your admin job? Maybe he'd see reason if he thought there was another source of income on its way?

Redwren · 28/05/2020 08:45

I've started looking for jobs but so far I've only applied for one. I've only been redundant a week and obviously not many companies are hiring atm. We do not need my income, dh has always been happy for me to do odd jobs for him and look after the kids. Working was something I wanted to do. I love being at home with the children and helping with his business but I wanted to work to and have some independence. Hence me working PT and fitting around the children. I think what upset me this morning was that he sprung the idea on me and expected me to jump and the chance. The extra work wouldn't be taking place until next March so I felt pressured that he wanted me to jump with excitement and say yes straight away. I said I'd think about it but I really didnt think it was for me and he took the huff

OP posts:
Redwren · 28/05/2020 08:46

I think realistically the work he is asking me to do I will really struggle with physically and I'd end up ringing him asking him to come and help which would take him away from what he was doing which would cause more stress

OP posts:
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