Good afternoon - just seeking a few thoughts on this situation please as my mind is in a spin!
Have namechanged for this as it could potentially be very identifying and I really do not want it linked to any of my previous threads or posts. It may also be long, since I wish to give all relevant information in one go.
I work in 'private service' as a gardener on a residential estate and have been in this post since September 2019 when I moved back to my native region of the UK, after 30 years in another region. This was the only position I was able to find, despite months of searching, and I absolutely hate it, for many and various reasons;
My employer, despite being exceptionally wealthy, is miserly to the extreme - all the equipment is old, forever breaking down, not serviced regularly and all the hand tools are worn out, blunt and not fit for purpose! The heater in our tea room ( not on currently, of course) is on a timer and we are permitted 5 minutes of heat for our ten minute morning tea break and 15 minutes of heat for our half hour lunch break. We also have to supply and pay for our own PPE - you get the picture! He is also very controlling and a bully - there are security cameras trained on the door of our tea room to spy on our comings and goings and, I suspect, covert cameras and microphones as well. When he wants to gain my attention he will whistle as though he is calling a dog! I never know whether to bark, wag my tail or roll over to have my tummy tickled! My usual response is to feign deafness until he uses the normal courtesy of using my name!
In addition to the long hours, 07.30 - 17.00, with the aforesaid short morning tea break and half hour for lunch, it is intensely physical, very little actual real craft gardening and I have a 3 hour, 80 mile round trip each day to get there and back, 20% of my net salary goes in fuel costs alone!
The estate is physically very beautiful, but the environment is totally toxic, dysfunctional and is giving me a great deal of mental anxiety, as well as the physical exhaustion of such long days, including travelling time. I was furloughed, but have been back for two weeks now, and am so miserable, exhausted mentally and physically by it, have a knot in my stomach every day at the thought of going in and am within a whisker of just walking out and never looking back, especially after another incident of bullying last week. It does not help that my two colleagues are still both furloughed, so I am trying carry the workload of three people!
This is a catalogue of woes isn't it?!! I think what I am doing is talking myself into just quitting and seeking validation, from others, for doing so! I have never just walked out of a post before, I don't normally simply give up, but I am concerned for my health at the moment, and trying to convince myself that my wellbeing must take priority. In previous employment I have always felt a strong sense of 'ownership' toward the gardens I have worked in, and loyalty to my employers, who, without exception have been a delight to work for and with. Not here - I would happily leave without a second thought. Unfortunately, finding a new post in this region is not easy, particularly in the current circumstances. Making myself voluntarily unemployed seems a very drastic step. What would you do? Tough it out until something better comes along or quit to protect your mental and physical health?
For context:
I own my house outright - so no rent or mortgage to pay.
I have 2 lodgers which brings in £800 gross a month - less, obviously, after increased council tax and utilities.
I am not eligible for Universal Credit as I have savings over the threshold.
I am ten years away from normal retirement age.
My lifestyle is fairly simple and my needs few.
My car is very old, but paid for.
I have no debts or loans to service.
Thank you for reading and any thoughts or comments would be most welcome