Housewife/stay at home mother

[drfree]

I am newly married and a new mother. My husband and I agreed that I should stay at home to raise our child whilst he goes to work and provides for us. I am hoping to gain an insight and advice about being a housewife and stay at home mother after working in a professional role for years and doing PG education. The questions I want to ask are how do you build a new identity around your new role? When people ask about what I do and also reflect on my previous professional role how do I manage those questions and feel more proud of what I'm currently doing? In order to be productive I have devised a house task rota to highlight daily tasks, so it doesn't become overwhelming doing it all at once; however, it's still tiring to do a task everyday. How do other housewives organise their tasks? Much love DrFree

SAHM with a two year old here. Educated to masters level and a decade of career behind me.

I have a cleaner weekly, so I don't have to worry about that too much. Planning your life around housework is where madness lies.

My DS started attending nursery two mornings a week from 15 months and was up to three mornings before the nurseries closed. In that time I started studying for a further professional qualification - partly for interest, partly for when / if I return to work - and also started volunteering within my previous area of work.

I got to know other mums in the area and gradually became more confident in the role of "mum". I still feel a bit weird about identifying as a SAHM on formal documents though - for example insurance or our recent mortgage application.

I'm thrilled to have had this time at home with our little boy, as we won't be having any further children. But, I don't think I would want to do it forever, as I do think you risk your identity disappearing somewhat.

Congratulations on your new baby

With the current situation I think a lot of parents are starting to understand the importance of spending time with your children. You have the opportunity to mould them from the start into the people you would like them to be, but also give them the freedom to develop their own personalities. We greatly undervalue full time parenting in this country. Why have a child to essentially let strangers bring them up. Enjoy your time at home, I certainly did for 11 years. I used to do essential tasks in the mornings and the rest of the day was ours.

Do what suits you and be prepared to change things if necessary

The only thing I would say,looking back from a great age ,is that is often seems much easier to leave a career when you have children than it is to pick it up again later

I always worked and that has given me a lot of flexibility and financial freedom
A few of my contemporaries ended up having to take low level jobs and others were shafted on divorce

I agree with Poppyfr33 ...

However as I’m now starting to think about returning to the workforce - it’s pretty apparent that I stand no chance of going back to my previous career ... times have moved on and I’ve changed too

In retrospect should I have tried to keep my hand in 2 days a week - who knows ?

You should be massively proud of what your doing.
Congratulations on your marriage and baby.

I was originally planning to do the same as childcare (financially and just the admin) is too much with three kids. I'm now putting that plan on ice as DH has had to take a pay cut.
My plan for filling my time was based around the many periods of maternity leave and how I've managed housework then. I didn't have a cleaner. I did a total of three hours a week pure "cleaning" (bathrooms, hoover everything, kitchen full clean) and usually spread those out into two sessions with upstairs/downstairs on different days. Basically every day was : 7-11 kids/school/housework. Then cook two meals (dinner plus spare for freezer) 11-1 while baby sleeps (obviously this varies slightly). If not cooking there's laundry or garden jobs. After that free time until pickup. I was also planning to go to the gym and give baby to crèche some days during school hoyrs, this actually worked well as I just got a shift on with house to finish at 10 and get back for 12.

If you need an identity from what you do with your time being a sahm is not for you.
Unless you want to blog a new and interesting way of looking at your new role, like the traditional wife etc.

I was a sahm left my career behind because we wanted to be the only ones raising our kids and outside care was not a consideration for us.
For me it was an overwhelming desire but I didn't make a role/job out of it. It certainly didn't define me in anyway, but neither did my career.

I would advise to make sure you wouldn't be shafted in case of divorce, so a pension in place, property etc.
It is hard to get back into the workplace and quite often you end up in min wage jobs and having to work back again.

Or you can wait until your 40/50's and start your own business at a much higher level than you left. Plus, it's better being your own boss after years of being your own boss. I don't think I could work for someone else now.
Once the kids are at school you have time to pursue your own interests, and hobbies. There is a world out there and for e it didn't include coffee mornings, shopping, and the gym (never set foot in one)
I have no regrets at all, happy husband, happy kids, mostly grown ups now.

Hi all, thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to my post and for sharing your stories. I have taken away something from you all which will help me on my journey. Thank you for your kind words. Best wishes x