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Original poster

Should I tell senior management that I was raped by a colleague?

15 replies

Feeeemale · 12/03/2020 09:13

Hi there

I have posted about my situation in another thread so it may be familiar.

A colleague raped me a number of years ago and I had buried it up until last month when I snapped. I've been signed off by my GP for as long as I need and I await therapy.

I told my line manager, who wants to support me in any way possible. He would like me to come back to work, and has suggested we both go to senior management and HR to let them know the reason I am off. I know senior management will be supportive, I am well liked in the office, whereas scumbag has been nothing but trouble since he started.

What worries me is that once I tell senior management, I will lose all control. Will they be obligated to report this allegation to the police? Will they have to speak to the scumbag and let him know what's been said? We work in a University so perhaps there are safeguarding issues or a duty of care? My line manager seems to think that when allegations like this have been made against other members of staff in the past, they have been asked to leave quietly via the back door.

Does anyone have any experience in this, or any advice? I am torn between leaving quietly and getting on with healing in a new job, or attempting to keep my job by going to senior management and hoping they sort it in a discreet way. I am not interested in reporting to the police because there is no evidence and frankly I couldnt deal with it all.

Please help x

OP posts:
MarieFromStTropez · 12/03/2020 09:17

I think you should go back to work and trust that management will deal with the situation the way you want it to be dealt with.

Original poster
Feeeemale · 12/03/2020 09:20

But if they have a dirty of care or safeguarding issues they may not legally be able to deal with it in a way that I'm happy with iyswim? Their hands may be tied, they may need to make a formal report. That's what terrifies me.

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Original poster
Feeeemale · 12/03/2020 09:21

Duty!!!

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SeriouslyRetro · 12/03/2020 09:21

I’m afraid I wouldn’t echo the pp, even though it’s what I would hope to happen.

I can imagine it’s very tricky if you want to raise it in a work capacity but don’t wish to raise it in a legal capacity (completely understandable/no judgement/I’d feel the same) but I’d think it then becomes a dispute that can’t be investigated. What outcome are you hoping to get from it? If it’s just to not have any dealings with him then maybe that’s achievable depending on the logistics of your work place. Is it for him to be dismissed/punished?

Hoppinggreen · 12/03/2020 09:24

I think the problem is that without a conviction there’s not much HR can do, it’s just an allegation
I do believe you and your manager obviously does too but HR can’t do anything to the scumbag just on your say so unfortunately

Toria70 · 12/03/2020 09:24

If you have reported the rape to the Police, then yes tell them.

If you haven't reported it, you are likely to be asked why. And it may be taken out of your hands. They will have a duty to investigate such a serious allegation.

IdblowJonSnow · 12/03/2020 09:27

If you dont go to senior mgt then he will stay and you wont go back to your job, is that right?
Could you find out somehow what their procedures are? Maybe your line manager could help with this?
So sorry this has happened.
Totally get why you didn't go to the police.
Hope it works out for you with your job.

Original poster
Feeeemale · 12/03/2020 09:39

If you dont go to senior mgt then he will stay and you wont go back to your job, is that right?

Yes.

Sorry I'm a bit tied up at the moment so can't reply properly but I am reading. And will come back later

Thanks to all for replying

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SomePig · 12/03/2020 10:47

Feeeemale, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I've read your other thread too.

As you work in a university, I think things may pan out differently from other kinds of workplace - and, correspondingly, the advice you need may be differerent. Are you an academic? If so, it may be useful to post on the Academic common room board as people there may have good advice for you. If you are on the administrative/student support side, then I think things are more likely to follow a more 'normal' workplace situation (ie. you have a better chance of the process actually working in your favour).

I hate to say it, but if your rapist is a senior professor and you are a junior-ish lecturer (or even a professor yourself!), you are going to have a much tougher fight on your hands than if you are an administrator reporting another administrator (even if he is more senior). Have a look at the story about Trinity Hall's multiple cover-ups of sexual harassment and rape. The men at the top of that college clearly felt that their own procedures and gentlemen's judgement calls were far superior to any external processes, or even the university's own procedures (Oxbridge colleges have their own governance structures separate from those of the university). Because senior academic men protect their own, they were much more invested in saving the face (and the status, and the ability to continue to attend college events and dine at high table Hmm) of their abusive colleagues. Which is all to say that I hope the man who did this to you is not an academic (because that'll make it harder for you), but if he is, you'll benefit from advice from people who know the intricacies of that specific workplace environment.

zoel1 · 12/03/2020 11:53

First of all, I'm really sorry that this happened to you. And 100% you should speak to management and they should support you. I don't think (although I'm no expert) that they can refer it to the police as it would need your statement to make it happen. x

Original poster
Feeeemale · 12/03/2020 13:30

Again, very quickly... Both work in administration

And yes I have heard stories of academics getting away with loads of stuff...

This man is admin, but high up, and has so far got away with bad behaviour in the past, my line manager says senior management are getting fed up of it.

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february08baby · 12/03/2020 14:35

If you haven't reported it to the police, then I don't know if there is much that HR can do. Unless there's a conviction, it is your word against his and if they were to dismiss him etc then they could have an unfair dismissal claim from him.

I'm not saying you are wrong in any way OP but you need to speak with the police. He could do it to another employee.

3isthemagicestnumber · 12/03/2020 15:47

Hi - I am a Senior Leader in a University and have experience of similar situations - if you want to pm me, I’d be happy to share my perspective if that would help.

Original poster
Feeeemale · 13/03/2020 12:37

Hello everyone

In a turn of events there is a possibility of a job elsewhere, starting next month. This opportunity has made me start thinking I would actually like to leave my current job if I manage to secure this one. So perhaps I can give myself this time to sit on things, until I know the outcome.

If I get the job I would think about telling senior management about the real reason I was leaving and tell them I don't want to hear about it again. They would have to honour that, wouldn't they?

If I don't get the job I am back to square one.

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Original poster
Feeeemale · 13/03/2020 12:38

3...i have PMd you

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