Apologising after a work incident

[Redandblue123]

I was in a heated argument with a work colleague and it ended with me leaving to pick up my kid. I sent an email apology via my boss and the next day my boss said the guy would apologise. I thought it would be good to clear the air and it would be the first time we would speak after the incident. Both of us were at fault and even if you aren’t, it’s just easier a lot of the times just to clear the air.

The person never apologised nor have they spoken to me since.

I’ve approached the situation with my boss as I feel like there is an atmosphere and my boss just said “well unfortunately he didn’t apologise”.

So I’m a bit stuck of where do I go from here? Part of the issue is that I was told “he’s not a dog” when I asked him to look at my work computer as he was doing an admin job wrong and he wasn’t understanding verbally what I was trying to explain (I had everything open to show him). It’s the first time I’ve asked him to come and have a look at the screen. The other times I’ve asked him to do stuff he never does it, very dismissive. He’s obviously got an issue with me telling him to do stuff, if I approach our boss, boss tells me I have to tell him to do it.

Are you having any issues right now?

That argument is done and finished with. You're not getting an apology.

Speak to your boss and say that people are dismissive of you when you ask them for help. Ask him how you should approach it when they refuse to listen to you. Put the responsibility back on to him.

You also mentioned that people offer to help, you refuse their help then ask for it when they're busy. It can't all be about you.

Your boss should not approach a hiring manager to give feedback. That's completely inappropriate as the hiring manager should be recruiting based on a defined recruitment and selection process ie interviews. This is to ensure that the process is fair

It's unclear from what you have said whether your line manager is weak or is trying to get everyone to work collaboratively.

I think you need to agree with your manager your role/responsibility and ensure others are clear what you are allowed to direct them to do. Then if it's not done you have a clear comeback.

I can’t be specific but It’s an internal development opportunity, not a full time job. So I should say “people running the course”. Why wouldn’t the manager give feedback? Interesting you make that point.

@GiveHerHellFromUs I didn’t make it clear sorry. I never refuse to help people. If I’m genuinely busy I give them a timeframe when I’m free. I often race around to make sure I get things done the same day. I feel like when I do ask for something it’s meet with “I’m busy” even though they’ve been chatting for the past 45 mins.

@OhCaptain no to both?

@OhCaptain sorry I miss understood. My boss told me that I still need to contact the employee instead of telling him. I told him that people don’t follow what I ask and he said he doesn’t want me to contact him and if they still don’t do it, than contact him.

The Apology email was what my boss wanted.

You apologised by email, via your boss, but expect your colleague to apologise face to face? Perhaps you could have initiated a face to face discussion by apologising verbally? I think you're causing problems.

@astarsobright no I didn’t expect a face to face reply. I expected that what my boss would say happen, would happen. Because I too wanted to say it verbally. So I was expecting it that day and waiting for the person to make contact. He didn’t so I was s a bit confused, and now it turns out he doesn’t want to apologise so I’m confused.

Looking bad had a I known what would happen, I perhaps may have initiated the conversation myself.

But there have been other things like my boss not acting upon me telling him people aren’t following my actions etc.

The thing is, if I had an argument and the person apologised via the boss, I wouldn’t have thought it was an issue.

If I had an argument and the person apologised via the boss, I'd think it was ridiculous and I'd expect them to speak to me directly. You seem very hard work and unwilling to accept that you may be wrong. You need to let this go.

It is never too late to speak to someone directly 1-1 and try to resolve an issue and build bridges, but it requires a lot of listening, self awareness and reflecting how you could have dealt with this better rather than what they did wrong.

Skills you need to develop in your role if you need collaboration from colleagues to complete your work.

@WeAllHaveWings thanks. The manager is coming this Week to discuss. I’ve taken it on board.

@AStarSoBright yes and as far as I knew than the person was willing to speak to me direct, so I was confused when he decided not to meet.