Think I’m being bullied at work - help?

[confused1984]

I have been in my job for 18 months and work in a small team. Work in the public sector. There are 6 of us my grade who all head up large teams and report to the same line manager.

Over the last few months I’ve been feeling increasingly undermined and undervalued by my line manager and 2 peers. Several staff have observed to me that my line manager talks to me very differently than the others - not sure whether this is due to me being the youngest or the least experienced. However it’s very much a schoolteacher/schoolchild tone.

Daily we have a team meeting where the previous day’s performance is discussed. I receive constant challenge and criticism at this board where my team’s perceived shortcomings are dissected by all but nobody else’s teams performance is looked at. It’s incredibly disheartening and demoralising. Anything I say gets holes picked in it by my LM and these 2 peers to the point where I just don’t say anything out of defeat. My other colleagues are lovely but not familiar enough with my team’s work to be able to get involved.

They have also started leaving me out of meetings that directly impact my team to the point where I’m the last to know. I’ve challenged my manager on this and she has accepted fault.

I had a long conversation with my manager yesterday about how I’m feeling but today we’re in a management meeting with the whole team and this peer begins openly criticising a HR decision made by my staff. I pushed back and told him he didn’t have the full story and I supported the decision but my manager didn’t say a word! I told her later that this is another example of feeling undermined And she admitted he was wrong in his approach and comments. She is scared of addressing his behaviour because he’s her deputy and she relies on him very heavily in her role.

Someone approached me today and told me they believe i’m being bullied on a daily basis which validated how I’ve been feeling lately. My manager can’t deal with challenge or perceived criticism though so If I make it formal she will black Mark me as she has done to others previously.

Can you please give some advice? Everyone involved are very strong and confrontational characters whereas I’m not. I have been keeping a diary of incidents but am feeling pretty helpless.

I think it will help if you get some outside support. Does your organisation have a mentor scheme or something?

With bullying we are advised to attempt to resolve it at the lowest level and there are routes for escalation. Check out your grievance procedure so you know what the steps are.

You usually have to try and resolve it directly first. You’ve previously had conversations about specific incidents with them which is good. It might be time to have a conversation that points out the pattern of behaviour. Maybe go back through your post and turn the behaviours you describe into bullet points and have a conversation with them about the bigger pattern that you are seeing. You could even mention that it feels like bullying behaviour if you wish. Ask what you both need to do to address it positively and have some ideas yourself so you can propose solutions.

This is a horrid situation and bullying is such a complex issue and hard to prove. It is good you are keeping a record.

You’ve been there 18 months now so maybe start looking around for your next step. Bullying situations always feel more manageable when you know there are other options out there and have a bit of an exit plan.

I'd echo speaking to a mentor if you can. Or does your department have a mediation service? I'd also speak to your union rep if you have one, they will know the relevant policy.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, I know how horrible workplace bullying can be. Ultimately, and as hard as it is, try not to let it get you too down, this is them being bad at their jobs, not you at yours.