WWYD unequal treatment

[Menopauseandteensdontmix100]

I job share with someone and we have a decent boss. Background we don’t have flexi time as such but as we occasionally have to be flexible and change our hours/days to attend dept meetings, training sessions or to cover other events outside of our normal working days/hours which I am always flexible about doing.
However, my colleague will often ask to change her hours/days for a whole host of reasons and instead of her taking sick leave, annual leave, special leave instead of doing this she is allowed to change her days.
I rarely ask to do this and my circumstances are much more complex than hers. But I am always asked to take leave rather than change me days. I don’t know whether she doesn’t suggest taking leave and is just brazen about it and I am easier to say no too? In principle I don’t mind taking leave but it is unfair this person is allowed to swap her days and stockpile her AL. WWYD here their is another full time member of staff and she has also noticed how this other member of staff seems to swan in and out and making swaps which don’t really benefit the department/business.
We all have children and I also have elderly parents in failing health.

The recent reasons she has been allowed to change her days include son 17 having a dental appointment, son 17 having an operation, DS going to cub camp, in laws away can’t get childcare after 3pm (because she goes to cheap childcare club which finishes at 3pm) but plenty of other childcare providers are available in the area from 7.30-6 which I had to pay and use for 2 children as I was never allowed to finish before 5pm in the holidays.

I would ask for a day swap and if you get denyed I would definitely ask why is one /some people allowed to do so on a regular basis and for many different reasons. One rule for one and not others etc ?

Have you asked to swap? It may be a bit difficult for a manager to be seen to deny a request for time off and say it needs to be swapped.

Really what I mean is there is a difference between "can I have this day as leave because" and manager is no longer listening because you have requested time off that is fine to have

and a request to swap times and hours to support what you need to do.

A manager suggesting a swap as an alternative potentially could sound like you can't take time off for that reason unless you swap

Surely it makes more sense to swap your days around. My friend does this but gets on well with the other lady she works with and they do their best to accommodate each other. They are teachers and she was able to go away over Easter for 3 weeks and only owed a few days back. It has to be in the company's interest to keep you both happy.

Work colleague has done this several times in last few months (for weekend away with partner, daughters holiday club, sons operation and both children’s minor illnesses Etc etc son almost 17). I asked to swap days before Christmas to take my elderly/infirm father to hospital appointment and was asked to take leave. I was refused swapping a day or building up TOIL yet colleague does this retrospectively to cover time off (she has plenty of leave left as do I). I said ok as long as everyone is treated the same and others aren’t allowed to do this. She got quite shirty and said she could assure me everyone was being treat the same. Colleague was allowed to swap a day last week for sons minor dental op which was cancelled last minute. She is swapping days again for the day after the rescheduled op in a few weeks time incase he feels off. I asked last week if I could swap days in a months time to accompany my DH to hospital appointment in another city to discuss quite a serious op and was told I would have to use leave.
My manager came up with the reason why I should use AL rather than swapping which I don’t want to say as it with be outing and this could apply to the day she is taking in few weeks time but certainly didn’t apply to last week.

In that case OP, as she appears to be getting favouratism from the boss I would just refuse to swap days with her. That only works when the two of you are accommodating each other. Surely they can't force you to swap days. Just keep using the old mn favourite - that doesn't work for me!

Sorry no she is swapping her days independently of me so at the moment it has no impact on me their are others in the team but it is a small team. But I can see in the summer it will impact on us all as she will have accrued a whole pile of leave which she will be taking.

I'd start writing it all down and asking the boss about it by email. Maybe if they see it in writing they will start to realise that favouritism is not the way to go.

Also yearly sick leave should not really be taken as A/L depending on company's policy etc as it hides peoples absence and possibly duty of care etc this and continuous swapping days disanvantages other people as like you say she will have loads to take at popular times such as Easter xmas summer time when it should be shared between the team.
Do email asap and get it sorted
Is there different manager just one ?

Just one manager

I was friends with the manager before her promotion and after it. I think this colleague is just extremely pushy, persuasive and good at getting her own way. So it’s maybe just easier for her to say no to me than to the other person.

This definitely needs to be discussed with management. They are not blind. They have to see that she is getting a better deal regarding time off because of how she is playing you off against each other.

Once it is brought to their attention they can't ignore the situation and will have to say or do something about it. At the moment they are saying nothing because the work is getting done and they don't want any involvement in office politics.