Invited then uninvited to work event

[tellmetocalmdown]

I run a successful business with my business partner. Head office who oversees the business invite a specified number of people each year for a networking event. This involves a day of helpful workshops, a fully paid overnight stay in a fancy hotel and a slap up evening at a fancy restaurant/bar. This year, my business partner and I were chosen to go, along with a select number of other business people. We were both excited and happy to go.

All good. The invitation was addressed to both of us, we both said we were attending, management said great.
Then I get a phone call telling me actually, I cant go as the invitation was only for one person and so my invitation has been rescinded. I'm shocked and hurt. We both work really hard at this business and I feel like this is a huge slap in the face to be invited and then un-invited. My business partner is mortified and angry too as it put him in a really awkward position. I dont know whether I should tell head office that I find this really disrespectful and rude or whether I should just leave it.

I dont want to come across as petty but I feel this is particularly ironic since the theme of this year is to encourage business owners yet this has just made me feel like shit- as if my contribution to the business is worthless.

Things that make me more angry are:

1. This company is mega rich and could easily afford for me to go so it cant be about cost cutting.
2. Its typical old boys network- the same old boys get to go every year despite the fact it would actually be more helpful for newcomers
3. If they didnt want me to come then just dont invite me! But dont invite me and then take back the invite- I feel this is deeply unprofessional.

AIBU to be disappointed and would you tell anyone how you felt? or should I just let this go?

So the invitation to your male business partner stands but yours has been rescinded? Are you female (sorry, don't want to presume). If so, sounds rather dodgy.

Yes, but he replied to the invitation first so I'm not sure if thats the reason or if its due to me being female

would you say something? or just leave it?

Surely you’d reply ‘no, the invite was addressed to both of us, not one person, please can you confirm why I am no longer invited but my partner still is?’

I would not let this lie!

Please don't let this lie. Don't let it hurt you - this says a lot about the people making decisions in relation to this event, and nothing about your competence or hard work - but definitely follow this up in writing, being polite and firm. Set out clearly what you want (assume you would still like to go to this..?)

I think you need your business partner to be an ally here - it shouldn't just be for you to fight the corner.

Whether or not it has anything to do with you being female, it's not a great look for the firm to stand down the female member of an otherwise equal pair of partners. What's the gender diversity like in the parent company/at board level. Do they have anyone responsible for this? Would be worth raising with them.

I'd be assuming I was going to go anyway even if my company had to expense travel and accommodation.

Is there some kind of qualification or level that has to be met to get the invite, OP?

So a polite but firm email would be in order asking why my business partner was invited but i wasnt? I just want to check i'm not being petty here. I'm actually furious about it but I dont want to come across as whiny/petty- you know?

Is there some kind of qualification or level that has to be met to get the invite, OP

Nope. We are both equally qualified

@tortiecat

Thank you. I almost teared up reading that. Its been such a hard year last year and Ive put in so much work that it feels completely disrespectful to be told this. If I hadn't been invited I wouldnt even care- its the invite then uninviting thats upset me

I would suggest you express your disappointment as this sounds like exactly the type of event it would have been useful to have you both at, not just for yourselves but to contribute to the theme of the event. You could also ask if it was standard that only one member from each business was invited, and is there a waiting list you could be added to in the event someone drops out?

@palavah
my business partner is also furious on my behalf and willing to make a fuss about this- maybe it would be better coming from him?

Parent company is male dominated but does have a lot of feisty empowered women working there

Would your male partner stand down and let you go?

Actually is your business partner going alone or is he taking his wife/life partner? The invite might have been for the 2 of you but if he's taking a plus 1 that effectively takes your slot.

Partners arent invited so its not that. I dont mind him going at all- its the principle of it that has made me feel so rubbish.
I actually dont know that I even want to go now- I feel a bit embarrassed going when they were expecting him

Its not the fact I cant go thats bothering me- I know I dont have a right to be invited to everything and i get that. Whats bothering me is the amount of effort and work I have put in and this just feels like a "you dont matter" rejection. Maybe i'm taking it to heart too much but it feels like a slap in the face.

sorry- i meant romantic partners- spouses/ other halves arent invited

You talk about being in business and having a business partner but then talk about the parent company? Is this just an MLM conference?

Either way, I would just both decline.

No- its not MLM! Its a franchise

Well why doesn’t your business partner not go and let you take his place?

Fuck that I’d say it. Wouldn’t say I was hurt or disappointed. Be factual. You invited me to X on X date as business partner. You have since rescinded my invitation. Why did you do this?

I would just send a polite email saying that you would have valued the opportunity for xyz reasons and should a place become available again would they consider you for it. You could add a query checking whether the invitation being withdrawn was for a particular reason. No point burning your bridges from a personal point of view (though totally understand why you want to challenge it - just figure out what you want to achieve).

This might sound stupid but I wonder if they think you and your partner are romantic partners rather than business partners and that's why you were uninvited? I think you deserve a clarification as to why you've been cut.

Do you both hold the franchise, are you equal partners in it? If so, it is rather baffling. It would sound better coming from him in the first instance I think but I would follow it up as well if I was you.

We're equal partners and both married to other people so no, definitely no way they'd think we were together