Night owl working patterns after parenthood?

[Leavingitlate]

This is just a question for FT working parents who were former night owls? How did you manage to pull off working full time after you had a kid, when you no longer had the safety valve of dropping everything and working into the small hours to meet deadlines?

DH and I have decided to jump off the fence and start TTC at the beginning of April. I am almost 36, he's almost 42, so we can't exactly hang about even though we have decided that we only want one DC.

I am really worried about how I would manage to deliver what I currently deliver at work, if I can't work really long days when needed. My job has reasonable hours 70% of the time, but there are certain weeks when the only way to meet sudden deadlines, etc. is to pull a few very late nights. I am a night owl by nature, so this is fine for me, but I am really wondering how I will cope staying full time if I have to clock off at 5pm every day.

I really hate the idea of going part time, but I worry that would be the only way to manage the ocassionally unpredictable workload. I would really appreciate advice for people who had similar working patterns to mine before they had kids.

(Written on my phone after pulling a late night yesterday and a long day today so apologies for glaring typos that I may have been too tired to spot).

*from people

I was like this pre kids. I don't do it now (two tiny ones) - on the very rare occasion I do a late night after the kids are in bed I feel like death for at least a day afterwards so I would only do it if something urgent and important came up that outweighed the loss of functionality afterwards.

Solutions - do things well in advance if there is a hard deadline (also in case kids sent home from childcare). Delegate lots of stuff (fortunately maternity leave gives you a head start on this one as you have to let go control of somme things). Take on less, be ruthless about not taking on things that don't advance your career. Accept that you will underperform somewhat for a couple of years, often people are sympathetic, hopefully you have enough job security to come through it.

The other problem is having enough time to get a clear run at things. I used to use late evenings to do things where i needed to concentrate on one task for several hours in a row. I do try to keep some days clear of meetings for this purpose now. It's hard to concentrate though when you know there is a definitely time you have to clock off, rather tan sticking at it til it's done.

I was similar in the fact that pre children I 'worked the hours' to get the job done. So most days worked 8-6 and beyond when needed.

Took a years mat leave now back and only do 9-5. I am now so strict as to where I spend my time. If i need extra hours they happen after 7pm when my baby is asleep. So finish on time get home have bedtime with my wonderful son and then log on later and finish stuff off.

You can do it - but it takes discipline to do it.

A price of advice someone once gave me - when you look back at life - will you remember your sons achievement or that you worked a 14 hour hour day?

You have to share the load... don't leave it to one of you to do drop offs and pick ups. Ideally, alternate these so that you both have the option twice a week, to stay until the work is done.

Your career will suffer from your decision to have a child and take maternity leave. You need to have an honest discussion as to how you share the impact that having children had on both of your careers.

Many women take the drop off and pick up responsibility and are the first to take a day off when children are ill because they are willing to sacrifice their job for their children. Many men find that they are too indispensable to be able to walk in at 9 or walk out at 5 and cannot possibly work around a critical meeting if their child is ill.

Having a nanny helped enormously when children are sick and also saved 40 minutes nursery drop off daily. Baby could still be in pj's with nothing prepared as I ran out the door. If your career is important, don't short change on this. If you pay well and are a fair employer, you can build flexibility into your work agreement.

If you both plan to work full time then you need to share the drop off/pick up/illness burden equally, rather than it being assumed as the mother's job (illness particularly).

I found I reorganised my working pattern and became more efficient and focused during the day because I knew there was no flexible evening option. I also learned to prioritise better, to say no and to let somethings wait a bit. I genuinely think I am better at working now than pre-child. I also think having an extended break from work whilst on maternity leave gave me a fresh perspective on my job and some of the politics and working practices I'd succumbed to previously.

For home, have a system for all routine tasks, whether they are done by you, your partner or outsourced.

You need to share the childcare responsibilities, pick ups/drop offs, sickness etc between the two of you - if you are both working full time. Or, can you both slightly reduce/amend your hours?
You have to do it together.