Declining work events

[TheTruthAboutLove]

I started a new role at the start of February and been here two weeks now. I work in a team of nine and I’m pretty sure at interview I told them I don’t drink alcohol and my usual hobbies are travelling over the country to watch my football team play.
Anyway, in that two weeks since I’ve started I’ve been asked to go for a meal after work (which would have been fine but I’m already going to a football game that night). The biggest one is one of the long-standing members of staff has handed their notice in and they’re having a leaving party/day/night out. Totally the type of situation I dislike and wouldn’t even go to with my regular friends, let alone colleagues I barely know. It’s dancing - I can’t dance to save my life, I don’t drink and I don’t know them well enough to loiter on the edges talking. My team are playing away in London that day, so would it be a bad idea to make up the excuse that I’m going to my teams game and can’t attend? I was toying with the idea of going anyway, and I’d much rather spend £100 on the football than I would food and alcohol.

When I’m at work I mix quite well but I’m still getting used to working in an established team, it’s just night outs aren’t my thing. I would definitely go for meals if I was available though! So would employers look on me unfavourably for not going?

Hm tricky, I think at first you need to make an extra effort to get involved with this stuff to bond with the team and not get labelled as antisocial but I get you. I spend enough time with my colleagues in work to want to spend time with them outside work

Good grief!

No, go to your football.

Who wants to hang out with work colleagues? And especially in your own time!

No no no!

Go to your football.

Can you go with them for a quick drink (soft drink in your case) to show willing and then go off to do what you want?

Who goes dancing with their work colleagues?!

Agree that it would be a nice gesture to go for a quick drink. Have an excuse ready for why you need to leave after an hour or two.

I don't go to work dos.Admittedly I have social phobia/anxiety disorder so I don't socialise anyway.I do spend 10/12 hours a day with my colleagues so free time is with dh or DS or alone.Let those who enjoy it to and don't if you don't want to.

Not unreasonable. You might think about how else you can demonstrate you're interested in getting the team together - is there something else you could arrange such as a team lunch, or something out of hours but not based around alcohol.

I have never worked anywhere that it was looked on unfavourably (in terms of work) to not socialise with colleagues.

If I'm honest, it might have gained people a reputation as being a bit 'odd' but nothing that would reflect badly on their ability to do their job, or ability to fit in with a team.

Thank you everyone, I was fully prepared to be told I was being ridiculous and to go along!

Team activities would be great, I love the standard stuff like bowling or mini golf or anything where there is an activity involved. It’s just the thought of an afternoon/evening drinking with people makes me feel like I want to run away! I’ll be at the football both of the dates they have planned anyway so can’t go - especially being here only a couple of weeks I feel like they’re inviting me because they have to, not because they want me there!

I never get involved in anything with colleagues outside of working hours. Absolutely no exceptions. But I get on great with everyone during working hours. It's not as uncommon as you think not wanting to go out with work mates. Just keep thanking them for asking you and kindly decline.

I don’t drink and the last thing I’d want to do is go on a night out with my work colleagues/anyone!

When I started my current role I mentioned being sober in my interview. Its the type of place where theres often after work drinks/events/someone is leaving type thing. I told a couple of people very early on that its just not my thing and no one is bothered at all. I go for meals when I can but thats it.

I think its better to be upfront and honest as soon as you can about this. Don’t put yourself out of your comfort zone to please others!

They are being nice to invite you, but as it is a leaving do for a long service colleague that you don't really know, no-one will mind in the least nor really expect you to go.

A simple "sorry, can't make it" /"Already have something on" s all that is needed You don't need to start saying what you are doing, or 'justifying' that you can't go.