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Original poster

Sick Leave, Boss not happy

68 replies

GreyNosedDonkey · 09/02/2020 22:51

My DSS has been signed off work for 2 weeks due to mental health. He attempted suicide a few months back and has finally started antidepressants. The GP advised him to have 2 weeks off as the medication has side effects and he wasn't coping at work. GP advised him to get out and about and socialise.
DSS found this hard but over the last few days has had lunch with friends and gone to the pub. Now, stupidly or not, he posted a picture on Instagram of his friend holding 2 drinks.
Today, his boss txt him! and said he wasn't happy atall seeing a photo of him drinking when he is meant to be off sick. His boss also said he shouldn't be drinking with the medication (he previously asked DSS what tablets he was on)
The GP actually said that one drink would be ok.
He said he is on sick leave,not holiday and he doesn't expect to see him out and about enjoying himself.
I'm fuming! is the boss right? Poor DSS is devastated and has gone right back to square one re his mental state.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreyNosedDonkey · 10/02/2020 15:37

The photo wasn't Of DSS holding 2 pints, it was his mate, this is what is ridiculous in my opinion. For all the boss knows that drink wasn't for DSS. he was just presuming.
I totally understand that DSS was stupid to put any photo on SM and he's learnt a lesson. But, I stand by the fact that DSS should not be ashamed of being out and about with friends, as ordered by the GP and therapist.This episode has made his mental state so much worse

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 10/02/2020 15:44

if some one was to post a pic on social media of them in the pub with two drinks in his hand
Perhaps read the thread properly before giving the OP the benefit of your opinions?

Original poster
GreyNosedDonkey · 10/02/2020 15:47

Thankyou, the photo was on Instagram, I know nothing about SM so don't know if you can block people on there.
DSS is now seriously considering resigning. I've said to him I will stand by him if he decided to do this.This sickness episode is one of many twatish things the boss has done:
*Giving him so much work to do that DSS is pretty much working 5 or 6 x 12 hour days.
*Telling him if he wants to finish earlier he needs to work faster
& plenty more which would be too outing

How would he stand with resigning while off sick? He has only been there 8 weeks and is on 6 months probation. He did his apprenticeship with another company who sadly couldn't take him on, so he came to this company.
I honestly believe that alot of his depression points to this job.

OP posts:
Tannerfamily · 10/02/2020 15:58

Posting on SM was silly and hopefully a lesson learned. It doesn’t matter who the pints belonged to, he posted a pic of 2 drinks.

From your posts, there seems to be a lot of blame on the boss. If your DSS is thinking of resigning, I would advise him to look for another job before doing so.

IntermittentParps · 10/02/2020 16:18

From your posts, there seems to be a lot of blame on the boss.
Well yes. He's the one being inappropriate.

Original poster
GreyNosedDonkey · 10/02/2020 16:43

From your posts, there seems to be a lot of blame on the boss

Yes there is, as I think the boss has behaved wrongly.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 10/02/2020 17:03

@IntermittentParps don't take my word for it, and don't shoot the messenger - pretty much every company now has strict policies on the use of social media, and all I'm saying is that @Greynoseddonkey's DSS would do well to become a bit more savvy about how and when he uses SM.

He's at the start of his career, and if the only message he's given is how bad the boss is and not to worry son, you carry on posting up photos as much as you like, whenever you like, that's doing him a disservice.

I absolutely know the OP isn't going to do that, but your response is doing nothing to alert the dangers of overzealous use of SM, which can be misinterpreted by employers. People "posting photos of themselves on the beach on Fb" have had unintended consequences, it's just isn't a particularly clever thing to do - employers can use it as an excuse to shed staff, not saying it's right, but it's the world we live in I'm afraid.

IntermittentParps · 10/02/2020 17:07

daisy, if the photo was of the DSS blotto in the pub I might think the boss had a point.
But it wasn't.

The thinking 'not saying it's right, but it's the world we live in I'm afraid.' is what ensures that bad bosses like this one continue to get away with throwing their weight around and behaving badly.

Betsyisamum · 10/02/2020 17:11

I get what daisy is saying SM can effect a work placement or even a prospective job. Many employers google and search new candidates.

It’s not unheard of that people get dismissed due to their media use

okiedokieme · 10/02/2020 17:18

To be honest as an employer if an employee is well enough to go out and have fun they are well enough to work. When the dr said get out they would mean a walk in the park/countryside, perhaps pick up groceries, not the pub.

IntermittentParps · 10/02/2020 17:54

okiedokieme, the OP says her DSS was 'ordered by the GP and therapist' to get out and about with friends. Are you suggesting that he should disregard that medical advice and stay at home apart from the odd trip to 'perhaps pick up groceries'? Or that you'd find it acceptable if he met up with friends for a walk in the park/countryside, but not acceptable for him to meet them at the pub?
What is the difference, really?
(and what if they don't want to go to the park!)

LouReidDododo · 10/02/2020 18:07

OP his employers could sack him tomorrow with out much of a reason if he’s only been there six weeks and is still on probation. He really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. And this isn’t going to look good on his review.

LouReidDododo · 10/02/2020 18:09

And I’ll add - it won’t be the work that’s making him depressed - it’s his depression. Everything seems shit and hard when you have this illness

mumwon · 10/02/2020 18:17

@okiedokieme you are wrong -with mental health its socializing & going out for walks as part of the treatment, & if, for instance -which didn't happen, my dh had gone for a meal while he was on sick leave recuperating that would be fine - his boss needs to be called to account
Op have a chat to MIND & get their advice (they might link you to another organisation)

mumwon · 10/02/2020 18:19

(PS did a module in my degree of Clinical Psychology & have experience of someone close to me)

mumwon · 10/02/2020 18:22

pps dh had operation which required physical exercise & even if he went for meal out no one had grounds for criticism.

FairyBunnyAgain · 10/02/2020 18:29

OP nothing wrong with what DSS did, except the photo but even that if it helped to lift his mood at all would not have been a bad/disciplinary thing.

What you are describing is a typical small business with no HR knowledge and a boss with a small mind/sphere of understanding. In the 80s and 90s work was about being there and being sick meant hiding behind closed doors. Mental health was brushed under the carpet.

Thankfully we are now in 2020 and it is being addressed, you can talk about it and some people grasp the concept

Sadly many others still don’t.

I know nothing of DSS situation however if he has only been in the job for a very short time and the work as described contributed to his current state he may feel better to walk away and concentrate on his wellbeing.

Dontdisturbmenow · 10/02/2020 19:01

There are now strict rules about employee entitlement and ultimately, like it or not, employers have to respect them, but no laws can currently protect against reputation.

Any employee who has only been at a job 8 weeks, who potentially has not shown themselves to be the most reliable and dedicated worker, who is off for 2 weeks for depression but seen to be having fun socialising and drinking, will raise questions about their integrity.

Much efforts will now need to be deployed to rebuild his reputation. It's not too late but it might take some time.

daisychain01 · 10/02/2020 19:40

@IntermittentParps you're so hell-bent on proving your point you are incapable of seeing that there is alternative perspective to this and it isn't black-and-white. It's pointless discussing it with you because you're too fixed in your view.

woodn · 10/02/2020 19:45

Sorry, but I'm going to be devil's advocate. Speaking as someone who has been signed off with MH issues.

Whilst it was his friend drinking, you've admitted he did have a drink. That is just silly with the medication. Half of working life is an impression you give, he is signed off work and whilst it doesn't mean being confined to bed, it does mean a certain way of handling himself. It's only 2 weeks. The workplace is small so the slack falls on others which absolutely sucks. I'd be livid to see someone off sick then drinking down the pub. It can happen we all know, but that was stupidity at its finest.

Boss shouldn't have text him, but I get why he did. It should be explained eloquently in a matter of fact way.

I wouldn't resign.

fara20 · 10/02/2020 20:52

Some narrow minded views in the responses. The OP's DSS is clearly very young, and people his age live on social media. Me, I'm an old fashioned sort who likes my privacy. None of my colleagues are on my social media, I keep them to linkedin only.
When I was signed off with work stress and depression, my dr told me to do things I enjoyed and not feel like I have to stay at home and not see anyone. Society needs to be a little more compassionate and a little less judgemental. If you've never had depression then you have no idea what it feels like. Nobody should be shaming a person who is suffering and just wants to feel better.

Original poster
GreyNosedDonkey · 10/02/2020 21:08

@woodn thanks for your views. DSS has been told by the GP and the psychiatrist that you can drink on the medication.
He had taken the dog for a walk and ended up in the pub. He had a beer and a coke and a burger. He was really alot more cheerful after being out, until the txt from his boss which sent him spiralling downhill again. Some of the things his boss said in the txt were totally out of order and I'm still angry about it.
@fara20 and @IntermittentParps thankyouFlowers

OP posts:
EBearhug · 11/02/2020 09:24

if an employee is well enough to go out and have fun they are well enough to work.

He went to the pub. It could takes someone suffering mental health issues days to gear them self up for that. They might manage an hour and not find it fun in the slightest. They could get home and be totally wiped out for the next couple of days. Even if it was fun, that's a good thing as it helps recovery.

If someone was out on the lash doing a pub crawl round town for several hours, you'd have a point, but one drink over lunch is not an indication someone could manage working normally.

IntermittentParps · 11/02/2020 11:20

daisychain01, no, I (and others on the thread) DO see that there is another perspective. We just don't necessarily agree with it. The attitude of 'not saying it's right, but it's the world we live in' is an insidiously dangerous one and I will always challenge it.

woodn 'you've admitted he did have a drink. That is just silly with the medication.' If you read the thread properly you would see that this comment is ill-advised.

LolaSmiles · 11/02/2020 12:10

IntermittentParps
It's possible to challenge an idea whilst accepting the world we live in.

If I overheard someone bitching about someone going for lunch when signed off (we'll presume reasons aren't common knowledge for this) then I'd tell them to back off and call them out on being bitchy and gossiping.

If I was signed off work I wouldn't be putting things on social media because in the world we live in it wouldn't be worth creating an atmosphere or situation. It's no big deal to focus on getting better myself without documenting it on social media where people without the facts can take what they want from it.