If you are a manager do you get complaints and grumbles about you?

[itsboiledeggsagain]

I am interested to know if this is a normal feature of working life or whether I am a problem or my organisation is a problem.

I have worked somewhere for 2 years. I think it is relevant to say that I have a lot of involvement in Hr. I have had one grievance against me which was found to be nothing (on my file) another grievance dealt with by the informal route, I was advised to be more thoughtful with language (on my file) (by a person who is deliberately targeting me) and there appears to be a few low levels grumbles around that haven't been flushed out and I am not therefore able to answer. One of these comes from a direct report ho has never raised issues with me but I am getting wind of via my manager who intends to take no action. I am really naffed off with it all as I think I am OK, I have integrity, I consider myself to be polite and respectful, and I am particularly naffed off as I don't see how I could change my behaviour with the latter issues without actual feedback on what I am perceived to have done wrong.

What I am wondering is if this is a managers life or whether there is an issue with my employer or indeed myself.

I welcome views
Thanks

How big is the team? I would take stock if it's a small team of say 5 but think it's par for the course if you're dealing with a large number and have less time to focus on building individual relationships.

Office of 40, only one of the above mentioned is in my team - the grumble.

Thanks for your response though.

In my industry there is a joke that has a great stonking grain of truth with it that you are not a real manager until you've had a complaint made against you.

OP I think sometimes it's because we have to make constant judgement calls and frankly you'd be a magician if every single one was right , sometimes it's because people need to kick something and unfortunately we are the person to kick , some people are entirely convinced all managers are evil (goodness knows I've seen some posts on MN that reinforces my belief on this) and sometimes we deserve it.

Try not to take it to heart but consider it, if you are genuinely assured you were not unfair or unreasonable remember that it's the complainant stuff.

The other thing is half the time people dont see what the manager does for their staff. I train managers now , and I always tell this story. I had a member of staff that royally royally screwed up in front of the commissioner. However I knew fully that his wife had just left him and despite making him take time off I couldn't stop him returning too early , he made the mistake in this time period.

I spoke to the director and insisted I took the hit , because he would pull it round and it was the right thing to do. My God, I sat in front of two commissioners and they absolutely tore strips off me (I didn't lie I just insisted that as the senior manager it was ultimately my neck and wouldn't give them the name) , for two hours I got it. I took it all and didn't tell him (the issue had been resolved and he had never made it before or after )

A month later he made a complaint about me because i told him to get off of his personal phone kn front of a client.

Apparently he was particularly nasty about me, my director who knew the whole story , pulled him into her office and told him everything, what I had done, the fact that cameras backed me that he had been on his phone, other staff had backed me that I had been polite and professional and she reminded him I had had his back.

His response... "well I felt she was being picky and I know im right"

People are asses and their boss is an easy shit. I do think it's part of management to let it roll off of you.

In my experience some staff play out their experiences of being parented, with their manager. So some will be secure, sensible and work with you on a level, some will be insecure and seek you out for reassurance, some will be ambivalent and a bit unpredictable, and some will be automatically threatened/ frightened by your authority and be quite hostile and aggressive.

If there's genuinely no credibility in these complaints and it's a persistent thing then maybe you need to have some sort of mediated conversation to help get to the bottom of it and nip it in the bud.

Former HR mgr here, specialising in grievance, discipline and organisational change.

Echo what others have said. But if I may say, you do sound a little wounded, and defensive. Understandable.

Managing others is hard, but you are going you have to model the behaviours you want your team to show, including resilience. View this another way, from how you need to develop as an employee, manager and future leader.

It's a different mindset to really seek out and welcome genuine feedback in a safe way. And I mean feedback from your seniors, direct reports, peers, maybe customers. Maybe that isn't the culture of your organisation, lots don't get it right.

I hate the phrase 'learning opportunity' but you've been left with unanswered questions. 'So is it me, them or the organisation that's unreasonable?' That's too complex to answer, and more importantly you will never solve. More likely you will feel attacked, unsupported and internalise it.

Better that you see this as an opportunity to push for what you need. Feedback, support, mentoring, development, from peers or seniors. Not as a result of 'action required' but as a desire from you.

Management behaviours and skills need nurturing.

Thanks very much for the responses, I need the perspectives.

The adto ne has made me cry as I am finding the organisation is trying to brush stuff under the carpet saying don't worry about it, but it leaves me so stuck as I am left not knowing what I need to work on.

I've been a bit blindside by the recent events and great every day not knowing what is coming next and whethef someone else is going to come forward with something.

But at the same time I am trying to show resilience and not take things personally that are not personal.

*last one

Try doing some 360.feedback. sit down with your colleagues, ask some open questions, how do they find working with you, anything you could do differently. Most importantly ask them.how you make them feel. That will tell you quite a bit.

You have to be prepared to listen and not respond until you have had a chance to speak to everyone you want to and to think about everything you have heard.

It is really hard, and uncomfortable if you do it properly, but understanding what impact you have on people and how they feel has been one of my biggest motivators for change.

A

It is difficult because part of being a manager is making decision which are the best for the job, which may not be in a workers interest, eg asking them to work overtime. So there will always be grumbles being a manager, not against the manager, but the role. Also, employees may be stressed and something a manager can do may just be the final straw and they snap.

I have grounds for a grievance against a current manager as there is a pattern of him being rude, dismissive, unpleasant etc when he is stressed. It has been witnessed by others and he has history.

I have never considered a grievance before as my managers have always been respectful towards me. Although to be fair they always say I don't need maanging!

@camopetals, I agree and was talking to my therapist about this just this week. She thinks people look to work to have emotional needs met.

I find Transactional Analysis (the adult, parent, child) model really helpful in my management.

In my experience some staff play out their experiences of being parented, with their manager. So some will be secure, sensible and work with you on a level, some will be insecure and seek you out for reassurance, some will be ambivalent and a bit unpredictable, and some will be automatically threatened/ frightened by your authority and be quite hostile and aggressive.

I had never thought of it like that, actually, that's very insightful.

Leadership which includes direct line manager is a very tough gig in today's organisations.

Resilience is a quality that you will do well to nurture and develop. You need to "give fewer fucks" to quote the famous TED talk, about the whinges and grumbles. Think bigger picture. Is your team delivering. The more senior you become, the more you have to deliver through people so you need to have a united crew. Do they have a clear understanding of the overall vision, do you give time to explain that to them

Remind yourself constantly that you aren't at work to make friends or be popular, and that you can't please all of the people all of the time. If you can maintain a relationship of respect with each of your staff, you're doing well. That takes time and energy to achieve.

The other recurring theme is picking your battles. If you don't give an inch and don't cut people any slack whatsoever (not you personally) then don't be surprised if people lose momentum and motivation. Try to see things from their perspective.

Could you request leadership training. That helps cope with all the above, it isn't easy being a manager!

...some will be secure, sensible and work with you on a level, some will be insecure and seek you out for reassurance, some will be ambivalent and a bit unpredictable, and some will be automatically threatened/ frightened by your authority and be quite hostile and aggressive.

And some managers will behave like this towards their staff. I have had the misfortune of working for a liar. Says everything about them, not the staff - unsurprisingly they have lost the respect of a number of colleagues.

I am very grateful for this thread and keep reading.

I try not to take things too personally but it is not always easy.
Issues compounded by a peer at work who is trying to make my life difficult so I am suddenly a little mistrustful of others and what they say.

I have perked up a bit, but there are some very useful strategies in here.
Someone had it spot on when they identified I've lost my confidence somewhat as I am actually worried about asking for feedback, normally I am all over that, but not at the mo. I probably have to do it anyway.

Are you public sector by any chance? I'm in HR in the public sector and our employees will raise a grievance at the drop of a hat. Memorably, someone came to us wanting to complain about their manager because 'they were seen with a copy of the Daily Mail'

Agree with pp, it's often a parent/child dynamic playing out.

That's really why I gave up being a line manager. I was too thin-skinned and the complaints/grumbles wore me down. Particularly when they came from people I'd gone out of my way to help or defended 'behind the scenes'. The parenting analogy, above, is very accurate.

Op it's worth reading up on glass cliff theory. Have they put you in a difficult position and expecting too much?

Management is hard.

I've just quit a management job because the constant whinging and complaining was really beginning to upset me. I ended up off work with stress and filed a grievance for bullying in the end.

I was the target (young female) in a mostly male team and it was clear my manager wanted a boys club and my face didn't fit. I have no regrets in walking out on him during the busiest time of the year

I won't go for another management role again. It's hard and you have to take a lot of criticism - not everyone can handle that.

Yes! If I have to say no to something which they feel is to their detriment. I've just had to decline a secondment because I can't back-fill their role or balance the needs of the service. Of course I am now the biggest role blocker and stopping them from developing and being extremely unfair etc, etc. It's a hard job at times when you have to make difficult decisions, but it's part and parcel of the role. I've had 1 grievance taken out against me over the years and another for bullying - I was just formally managing their sickness, which had gone unaddressed with my predecessor.

The key is to not take it personally. I also have a rule that I don't get friendly with those who report to me. That way it's easier to manage situations.