Full time to part time. Mum guilt has really kicked in.

[iddybiddymum]

I started a full time role in April 2019, and my daughter was 1. I work 10 hour shifts and am out of the house for 11 hours mainly 4 days a week. My mum and partners mum help with childcare.

My daughter is 2 very soon and I feel that I've missed out on so much. I requested a financial forecast to see how much I would be affected by if I reduced my hours to 30 instead of 40pw. It's doable but won't leave a lot spare.

Do I carry on working full time to provide nice things for my daughter . Or have the time off to do nice things with her?
I miss her terribly and working full time and being a mum with little sleep I feel is slowly making me unwell .

Any advice would be great from others who are or have been in a similar position .

Went from FT to PT and no regrets. They won't remember the "nice things". You never know what's in the future. Make the most of the Now.

I’ve dropped from 5 days to 2. We’ve had to cut back and there won’t be any fancy holidays or certain luxuries for a while, but I can’t put a price on the time with them.

I work 4 days/ 30 hours, with a bit of flexibility in hours so I can often get to school meetings with some notice. It makes family life so much easier.

When I worked FT the extra money went on a cleaner and gardener to do the things I just couldn't fit in. Wasn't worth it.

I truly think no one lays on their death bed wishing they had worked more. Early years pass by in a flash, I quit to become a SAHM and will go back in a couple of years. Don’t regret it for a second, life is so much simpler and happier now.

If it feels right do it!

Would your partner drop some time too? You might feel differently if they also were sharing the childcare having her one day a week.

Maybe try 3 days one week, 4 the next?

Or use the extra money to pay for a cleaner & online shopping and maximise quality time off.

The balancing act is so difficult

I would drop down if you can afford to. Before you know it she will be at school and you wont have the option.

Wow this post is basically me. I have 2 ds 6 & 4 and went back to work full time in March 2019. For the first few months I loved it, feeling like me again and having a life outside the home. I promised myself to do 1 year then request flexible working and try and reduce my hours. Sadly it’s not possible in my role and I’m really starting to resent it. My partner works full time but does shifts so he gets a lot more time with them than me, so that’s something but my mum guilt is still ripe.

I miss my kids terribly and have having to leave them for 12 hours a day, trying cram cuddles in only the hour before bedtime. By the time the weekend comes I’m actually exhausted and don’t get to do all the things I want to do, then suddenly it’s Sunday and prep for the week starts all over again.

I hoped to go on holiday abroad this year but we have made the decision as. A family to try and find a part time role locally so we will have to take the hit, we have booked a cheaper break in a seaside town instead. I will probably have to sacrifice my career again as it’s quiet difficult to get part time in my field, however it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to give my kids more of me!

I think go part time and save the luxuries for when your dd is older, jobs will always come, but once they grow you won’t get that time again.

Good luck

I went back full time when all of my children were 6 months old. I've never regretted it.
I have a good career that I enjoy. My children are perfectly happy, intelligent and attached to me. I also feel my daughters have a good role model, something I didn't have.
Part time sounds like it'd be better for you and in my experience most mums don't work full-time. I do get a bit fed up though when I hear things like 'you miss so much' and 'you can't put a price on time with them' which always seems like a dig to women who work ft.
I must be the exception but I've never felt guilty or longed to be at home with my children.

Thank you for all your views . At first I loved working ft as it was nice to have money and independence but I think it's about what makes you happy and what do you want?

Do what’s best for you now and go back full time at a later date.

However the PP who thinks nobody dies wishing they worked more.....nonsense. There are many many women who wish they’d had fulfilling careers. It’s a stupid throwaway line that simply isn’t true.

As above, you have to do what’s right for you. But, don’t think being part time is always easy to bare. I’ve gone part time since having my 3 children and although I’ve got my ‘foot in door, my career progression is nonexistent, I put extra hours in each evening to keep on top/keep things moving, I miss out on the exciting, high profile projects....I could go on.

But, it’s right for our family at this point. Is it a choice? Not sure. Depends what you mean by choice.

To PP above, I don’t think comments about ‘you can’t put a price on time’ are intended to make FT mums feel guilty. It’s often not an easy decision to make to potentially sacrifice or at least put on hold a career that you’ve worked hard for, so When I’ve heard that said it’s more as a justification.
I’m a great believer that you can’t ‘have it it all’ and if you work FT you DO miss out on things with the children. Anyone who says you don’t is lying...it would be impossible not to.
But working PT you miss out on things too in the workplace.

*bear