young paralegal talks over me

[LayAllYourLoveOnMe]

Hi mumsnet,

I'm a partner in a firm of solicitors and train up our paralegals remotely (we aren't in the same room on a day to day basis).

My latest paralegal is in many ways excellent but he has a habit of talking over me. On conference calls to clients he jumps into the silences whilst I am thinking of things to say.

He's a nice chap and I'm pretty sure it's just good(bad) old socialisation - he's used to being the one who talks in mixed company!

I'd like to train him not to do this but I genuinely don't want to put him down. I am (apparently) quite scary and tend towards the "scary bitch" side of senior women. So my put-downs can come across too strongly.

Does anyone have any training tips - or even books? I have a few men who talk over me and I'd consider going to a business coach or training course in order to deal with it well.

I know really it's the men who should change but I was the only girl in a family with older brothers and I still tend to go into indignant "stop talking over me I can do it too!" mode.... which is not very effective as a business tool....

well, you are resonsible for training him, and you are the boss, his role is junior.

So, you need a training session at some point, maybe a review, or a reflection session.
How do you think it is going type questions. Any issues? What about working remotley in conference calls etc (he may do this because he is not as comfortable with the conference call format for example)

Then after his chance at feedback, you can give him feeback using a praise sandwich
You are doing very well at.....
I would like you to think about the dynamics of conference calls eg jumping in too soon, you need to allow the senior person to take the lead.
A point to work on over the next few months is... (could be something different to the jumping in thing)
I am pleased with how you are doing generally, you are veyr competant at xxxx

and as to what to do when someone talks over you generally, the secret I think is to say calm and in control.

I would say the persons name, and then say - I've got this, thank you, and then turn back to the client and continue - as I was saying.....

I've had this with both men & women. I tackle it with them directly every time. You need to tell the person to be more self aware, and to understand that their ideas/opinions are not always the best in the room. They must learn to listen, or it will hold them back.

Not easy though...

I was once your paralegal!

It came from a place of youth and enthusiasm though rather than deliberately being rude/ill mannered.

They way it was put to me (by a colleague I respected and not a line manager) was around putting in place things to manage perception, as it sometimes came across like I was trying to dominate meetings and discussions - even though I really wasn't!!

A) don't feel like you have to fill the silence as others may be taking that few seconds to mull things over/plan what they want to say (I've also used this one on DS12 and it seemed to work!)

B) only speak if you have something to add to the discussion and not just for sake of agreeing or confirming someone else's point.

C) if you have a question that the response to which others in the room may find useful then ask it. But if the question is purely for your own benefit note it down and speak to people at the end or outside the meeting. This stops disruption to the meeting flow.

Perhaps if you discuss it with him this way it will feel less like a telling off or criticism and more like you're trying to help him develop his meeting etiquette/skill set? It definitely worked for me.

I’d say that the client is paying for the opinion of a solicitor not that of a paralegal so try speaking less and listening more. This is one of the many reasons I don’t do any training. FrangipaniBlue’s suggestions are much better.

Glad I hit refresh before replying - I was going to say exactly what Frangipani did! Good work there.

What I'd add is that this is not a difficult conversation to have. It's just "tips for how to be in a meeting". No need for emotional investiment on anyone's part.

this is great advice! thank you all.

and also if I can get this right with someone v junior it might be a useful stage in dealing with the same problem with peers, etc

My feedback came from one of those 360 degree appraisals and I was pretty shocked (and upset) that I was making people feel that way.

It was a peer who sat with me and put some perspective on it and helped me figure out what I could do differently

Frangipani - those are great tips
I wish I could make everyone who comes to the meetings I attend hear them.....

Print it on a poster on the door lol