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Can unemployment ruin relationships?

9 replies

confusedlass · 12/01/2020 21:49

Hi everyone.

Im unemployed and I hope I can bore someone in to helping me (and maybe others) through writing this thread.

I want to bring you up to date with my situation.

I worked for 5 years in a sales role and left September 18 without another job lined up. I left due to some pretty horrendous stuff that happened in the work place.
For a few months I was unemployed and saw a therapist who helped with what had gone on at work. I grew in confidence and got myself in to recruitment. I wish I hadn't. It knocked my confidence. It wasn't what I expected or wanted. I slacked off and I was fired after 4 months due to being late three times.

Again, a few months passed and I got another role. This role was for a startup. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but I seemed to do well. However, I was made redundant after 7 months.
That knocked me for six but I kept going and within a couple of weeks I was offered another role in customer service (October 19) but hated it and quit after 2 weeks.

THEN I received a job offer in November 19 but the role fell through due to a restructure. Not cool.

It's been a turbulent year and a half (since I left my first job).

Anyway to the matter at hand..
I've been with my partner for 2 years. She's always had a stable role, working for an FMCG and doing very well.

By November 19 I couldn't afford the rent or bills. My partner was supportive and said that she would pay for them until I got a role. Fast forward to the end of December and with things starting to really slow down, I wasn't ever going to get the role I wanted. Yes, I should have just gotten a temporary role but I just kept searching for the right thing. I couldn't bare to waste my time any longer.

By the end of December my partner started to really resent me. She didn't want to hear about jobs (it's all I could talk about), she was angry at not being able to do nice things, she spoke of how the last year had made her feel and that she just wanted me to have some more 'umph' about me.
It stung. A lot.

I am not delusional at all. I know this is my fault. I lost my way and I'm someone who doesn't like doing things they don't want to (I know that sounds stupid but I just won't do something I don't like, no matter who I hurt). Ive been selfish.

I've moved out of the house my partner and I were renting, as she wanted me to sort myself and get back to her when I had.
I'm now living with mum and dad.
I want more than anything to get my life in check and be happy. I also really want my partner to be happy but she has lost a lot of faith in me.

It's now January and the job opportunities are certainly there for me to take. I've had one interview and have two more this week.

I saw my partner this weekend but I can tell she's fed up. She now has very little money due to me not being able to afford to pay half of the rent.
We've always been able to go on nice holidays etc. I feel awful and I know how unhappy she is. She has outbursts frequently about the situation.

I'm so upset. You can see that I've not had the best employment history (well not for the last year and a half). I'm not someone to rely on others for money. I've had partners previous to her and I've ALWAYS paid my way. I just don't know what to do in this period of time whilst I don't have a job or what to do to get myself motivated to stay in a role/ be successful. I used to be.
I suffer from depression but it's never really held me back and only back in September of 2018 when I started therapy, did I realise that I was suffering.

Just any help or people who have been through the same please comment. I don't want to lose my partner and I certainly want to just get back on track.
Thanks.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 13/01/2020 04:08

She now has very little money due to me not being able to afford to pay half of the rent.

But you've moved out! If her property is too expensive, then she needs to move somewhere more affordable.

Re. work. Have you considered going back to college or uni?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 04:25

Unemployment can 100% ruin a relationship. It sounds like you flit between jobs and periods of employment to suit, with very little consideration for the fact that bills still need to be paid.

Presumably your partner works FT and because she's been covering your living costs too she has no free money to treat herself. That's incredibly selfish on your part in the cases where you've quit because you didn't like the job. Struggling with MH is different. Were you claiming benefits during that time or was your DP paying for everything?

If you feel like you're 100% ready to get back to work you need to accept a job and stick to it. It doesn't matter if it's not your dream job, you can still apply for other roles, but you still need to pay your bills.

Don't quit any job without another to go to.
It's much easier to find a good job once you're already working anyway.

isabellerossignol · 13/01/2020 04:37

I am not delusional at all. I know this is my fault. I lost my way and I'm someone who doesn't like doing things they don't want to (I know that sounds stupid but I just won't do something I don't like, no matter who I hurt). Ive been selfish.

With this attitude, why do you want to be in a relationship at all? If you don't care who you hurt as long as you get your own way then you're not cut out for being in a relationship. You only seem to want a relationship on your own terms and yet you're talking about your feelings being hurt.

Namenic · 13/01/2020 04:40

perhaps you could take a job that is the least worst to make an effort to help your partner? It seems a ‘waste’ that will take you away from your ‘dream’ job, but perhaps you can improve your CV and job hunt in your spare time while you do a job? Perhaps your partner would appreciate the effort?

I did a big career change - it was a lucky opportunity, but I had been building my CV and skills for about 3 years beforehand (bit by bit - it was a bit of a hobby as well).

Oblomov20 · 15/01/2020 08:03

I'm glad I read this thread. I used to give Dh a hard time when he lost his job, often for no fault of his own.

I've had a job for donkeys years but the hours got less and less. Do I took a second small job. But I've had 2, awful ones, and left both times. Dh is now fed up.

I will give this some thought. Re seeing it from his POV.

confusedlass · 16/01/2020 23:06

Just wanted to respond..

I took some time to reflect on comments that I received in this thread and another thread on mumsnet.

What a misleading, total shit show of a site.
This will be the last time I ever post my life troubles online.

In some instances I got total abuse and in others, actual help.
Regardless of what anyone said on this god awful site, I wanted to post to say thank you. Your words motivated me in all kinds of ways.

But especially to those of you who messaged with harsh words..
I'm not a bad person, people make mistakes and you don't know me, at all. So take a minute before you comment.

I've just been offered an excellent role and now you can all sod off. Xx

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 17/01/2020 07:45

Well done you!!! Why did you expect every response to feel sorry for you. Let’s hope this job works out and you can afford rent again and don’t continue to let your partner down - if they are still around of course. I would have been long gone!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 17/01/2020 07:47

Well the harsh words actually did you a favour then, didn't they?

Congratulations on the job.
Stick this one out and I hope things work out with you and your partner x

confusedlass · 17/01/2020 12:22

Thanks. I'm working on myself and hopefully can work on the relationship x

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