Moving on from being a PA/redundant/I'm an INTJ - help!

[Changeoflifedreams]

Hello, I'm approaching 50 and have worked as a high level PA/in administration work, for most of my life. I have been made redundant and would like a NICE job. I am very organised, efficient, well travelled, have lots of hobbies, love the outdoors, love nature, have done a lot of volunteer work. The problem is, I'm really an INTJ type. I might get grief for my honesty here, but most people do my head in. I don't like small talk. I thrive on intelligent, or at least interesting conversation, and have a great sense of humour, but this need to be nice and smiley and patient when people are rude or annoying is too much for me to bear. So part of me wants to work in a visitor centre or be a teaching assistant, but I'm scared I'll find it draining and not be smiley enough to make everyone happy. Anyone else here got a similar personality type and found a job to suit (in retrospect I think IT or accountancy might have been good, but I'm not retraining). I'm not antisocial, I just know that in today's society you have to be exceptionally obviously people pleasing, very smiley, and I'm not...though I am a good person who laughs plenty, and in terms of practical help will go to the ends of the earth, and make it happen. Thank you

I wouldn't pigeon hole yourself in the INTJ "box". Myers Briggs is only one of several diagnostic tools (albeit one of the most famous) used to understand tendencies but it isn't meant to be set in stone.

I just know that in today's society you have to be exceptionally obviously people pleasing, very smiley

There's no rule book that says we all have to be carbon-copies of each other, or any guarantee that the only way to get on is to be a smiley people pleaser.

Have you tried actually applying for jobs that you like the sound of? That's the only way you'll know if the job is right for you.

If you're not prepared to retrain, don't want to flex your communication style, don't want to deal with people because they get on your nerves, I'm afraid you going to struggle. I'm INTJ btw, and I have a constant churn of different people I have to deal with every day, and I don't find it a problem. If I did, I'd be out of a job!

I'm similar to you as I'm am introvert. You'll be genuine in the workplace and I do agree that the being fake, appearing to get on with people is an advantage in work. When you say smiley, look at them closer as it's a fake smile (the smile doesn't reach the eyes and the smile stays longer than a genuine one).

You have lots of transferable skills, can these be used in a different field for your real passions ie nature and being outdoors? Or you say intelligent conversation - how about higher education?

Thanks both - perhaps I am just bruised by some recent feedback which took me by surprise. I believe I do flex my communication style and was lovely, but a couple of key players decided otherwise. I also cannot stand those fake smiles, and don't respond to them - perhaps that's the problem! Yes, I'm going to try, try, try to follow my passions.

That's the spirit, @Changeoflifedreams !

Get your CV out there - what you know is any job you're in, there will be people who are 'fakers' but then always some good folk too. Main thing is think of you and what you want your next job to be.

And please don't be 'lovely'. When were men ever 'lovely'? They focus on themselves, their career path, their goals. It's a good approach. It means you don't need to be nice to the fakers, you can be professional but that's about it.

Please focus on your strengths, give yourself a break, and don't pick something you find unchallenging. INTJs are some of my favourite wisest friends!

Daisychains and skates...thank you! I’ll keep being me then. when I think about it, those that like me are fantastic people. Those that have taken issue with my inability to be a doormat...well, why’ve would I want to work for organisations that allows them to get ahead?

What was the feedback?